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Spoilers for the ends of the early Bloody Baron and Keira storylines in the Witcher 3

Butch:

Whoa where to begin?

So last night: Talked to Keira, left to get her stuff, bumped into the Pellar. Decided to help the Pellar. Went to do his thing. Killed the witch hunters (That’s gonna bite me in the ass later). Haven’t been to find his father yet. Then went back and did Keira..I mean Keira’s quest. Ahem. Continued Geralt’s tendency to be used by Sorceresses (and mine. Going all the way back to that ritual in DAO. Sorceresses. Whatchu gonna do?). Then met the Allgod (HA!) and told him to accept the scraps, as I couldn’t just let him continue, but the peasants were getting something out of their faith. Then off to the island to finish up with Keira. Took her notes, got her to go to Kaer Morhen, which is turning into quite the reunion of all witcher games. She’ll love Letho. Then FINALLY to the trail of treats, meeting Gran, not what I expected (again) and then a save and dinner.

Phew.

Not bad, not bad.

Feminina:

That’s what I did with the Allgod. I was won over by his argument: “people pray to all kinds of gods–at least I talk!” or whatever. In these troubled times, who am I to deprive people of a source of comfort, however false? Although that seems a bit patronizing (these simple fools can’t handle the truth!), it wasn’t worth killing this guy over, to my mind. But on the way out I did casually mention that they might want to check out the crypt…so they can investigate that if they’ve a mind to.

I also did the Forefather’s Eve quest up to the point you describe–and killed the witch hunters, which I agree, will probably come back to haunt me. I’m on my way to find his father’s remains now, but keep getting sidetracked by question marks. That’s all I did last night: question marks. Destroyed a couple of monster dens, stole a guarded treasure from a bilge hag, fought a bunch of pirates and bandits.

Keira’s notes…I think you might have gotten ahead of me on that one. Or we somehow got on different paths again?

I don’t recall notes, I just took a second quest involving finding some magic ingredients she’d ordered that were on a caravan that got waylaid. Although…when I got back from the island the first thing I did was check out what she had for sale, and I sold her the mage Alexander’s notes that I’d picked up (they weren’t marked as quest items or anything), and then she commented “I sure would like to see his research” or something and I (OOC) was like “I just gave you his notes!” but when I looked at her sale items again they had disappeared. I’m not sure if I messed something up by just giving them to her?

Then after I found her stuff from the caravan…did you do the caravan? Anyway, I didn’t talk to her about Kaer Morhen at all. Maybe I’ll see her again and do that, but I don’t think I have a quest from her on my list at the moment.

Butch:

Ok. We did that one exactly the same. (Loved the put uponess again. “Oh great allgod. Help this poor wretch. Pretty please.”) Poor Geralt.

I figured the bones were by the bog and I was going there anyway. I’ll do the bog bit first.

Yes, I did the caravan, and….all that came after. Was there a dinner? Candlelight? Sorcerey? Mmmm?

Cuz you may have missed….um…..something.

Feminina:

Poor, poor Geralt.

Yes, I had the nice dinner and…so on…with Keira (tracking her through the forest was kind of fun), but then I woke up and she wasn’t there and I went off to do something else. Should I have chased her back into the trees? Man, I’m missing everything lately.

Butch:

Ok….at that point Geralt looked BACK to the tower at Fyke Island and a quest popped (For the pursuit of knowledge or something like that) that involved going BACK to the tower to find out why Keira a) was so interested and b) knocked you out with the sleeping spell so you wouldn’t stop her. Go find said quest in your log, then go to the tower and you should be able to chat with her and influence a whole lot of plot.

You’ve GOT to have that in your log, cuz the “finish the Keira subplot” trophy didn’t pop until after I went back and talked to her at Fyke Isle.

Using witcher senses to find lacy undergarments discarded on the way to the shoreline. Oh, you, CDPR.

Feminina:

All right, I’ll look into that…guess I was too poleaxed by that awesome night of brief nudity to do any more than stagger away in the morning.

Alternatively, not that poleaxed and not interested enough in continuing the relationship further that I bothered to pay attention to the quest text. “Yeah, that was great I guess…gotta go kill some things now…we’ll catch up…sometime…”

You know, I bet it was one of those “you finish one part of a quest and your ‘active quest’ text instantly goes back to the main objective (go to Skellige),” and I was like “I’m not going to Skellige, leave me alone!” and just wandered off to look for question marks. Because I’m still a magpie at heart.

Butch:

That’ll happen with nudity. That’ll happen.

You should go back, though, as plot happens. The kind of plot that influences other, later plot.

Wait….go to Skellege? I’m still on the default being “find the crones,” but Skellege is after that? I thought Novigrad was next. You’ve done Novigrad, haven’t you? You’re like three months ahead of me, aren’t you?

Feminina:

I haven’t been anywhere near Novigrad. I’m still wandering around Velen, same as you. I’m only 10th level! But I think “go to Skellige” is the next main quest objective after “find the crones,” and it’s level 16 or something, and I’m not touching it for a while.

I have a lot of lower-level quests and contracts to take care of first anyway (one apparently involving Keira), not to mention plenty of question marks to check out. Speaking of question marks, I was wondering the other night whether we’re tough enough now to go back and tangle with those bow-dudes by the water…because I have an epic murderfest with their names on it right here in my saddlebags.

Butch:

Nah, man. The next one is the “Pyres of Novigrad,” or at least that’s the one at level 10. Starts with “Meet Triss at her house,” so of course I’m looking forward to it. Then Skellege is like level 16.

OOOOO! Those dudes! I just got the deflect arrow perk. Take that motherfuckers. I also really want to do those monster contracts. Monster contracts are fun. But I gotta be more forceful about getting paid. I turned down money from the shrieker, too.

The game sort of chides you for that, too. In the quest log, it always has stuff like “Forgetting his tendency to never take sides, Geralt stopped the witch hunters” and “in a very atypical display of generosity,” etc. It’s like, dude, play the character. But then, why give us a choice, Dandelion?

The Keira thing ought to take like ten minutes. There’s not even a fighty bit. Show up, talk, make some decisions.

Feminina:

I dunno, “go to Skellige” is what always pops up for me if I haven’t specifically selected something else. The pyres of Novigrad is on my quest list, yeah, but it’s not the one the game is pushing on me. Presumably the game knows I’ll ignore those subtle hints and do the other stuff first anyway. Skellige still has a red skull on it, for the love of the Allgod.

“Go to Skellige and die!” the game keeps saying. “It’ll be great!”

And yeah, if you’re going to make it an option, you’re going to have to deal with fits of atypical generosity. Because players like us are always wanting to be nice to people. We just can’t help ourselves. We’re Paragons at heart–even if Geralt isn’t.

One wonders how many things would turn out for the best in the long run if we didn’t take sides and always demanded money. Although…how long is the long run, and if we don’t take sides, how do we even judge “the best”?

Butch:

HA! That’s awesome. It defaults to a red skull. I’ll see what happens for me when I finish up with the bog. (By the way, once again I have fallen prey to the erroneous assumption that when I get to a place, that’ll be that. See Hendrik the spy. Here’s me, all “Gonna find the trail, gonna meet the crone, all set” and no. Should’ve known. I’ll make this mistake again and again during this game).

On that, were you surprised to find a whole lot of children that weren’t, you know, dead?

Your game just hates you. Only way to explain. Or it just has given up.

“Shit I GAVE her the quest with Keira but NOOOOO she has to go kill nekkers! Fuck this. Let’s see if I can get her killed.”

Geralt’s lust for women’s gonna get him in trouble, I bet. But you know? I’m ok with this. In a game about tragic love, makes sense for the hero to be a womanizing prick.

You justify your looting the poor your way, I’ll justify gratuitous sorceress sex my way.

This game has a weird way of subverting expectations. Go meet Keira. Then we’ll talk more on how best to fuck up the future.

Feminina:

I know! “OK, quest says to do this, I’ll do that and done!” No. No you will not.

And yeah, I totally wanted to talk about the children! So it turns out that the trail of treats was a KINDLY gesture, leading children otherwise abandoned to their deaths to a safe-ish spot in the swamp where a nice (if weird) old lady will look out for them? This is considerably less horrifying than the scenarios we’d come up with. And definitely the opposite of that Hansel and Gretel situation I was thinking of when Gretka first brought it up. Perhaps intentional misdirection, giving her a name so similar to Gretel.

Although…see what you think as you go through the quest. We’ll talk more. The children are an interesting ongoing storyline.

And thanks a lot, now I have that Brittney Spears song, ‘Womanizer,’ running through my head. I’m not sure I’m with you on that being uniquely appropriate for the tragic love theme, though. I mean, it could be, sure, but a true and loyal heart could also be thematically relevant if we’d wanted to play the “I’m with someone” angle when Keira got all suggestive.

I’m also not sure that ‘womanizer’ even describes my Geralt. I mean, yeah, I slept with Keira, but we’re both consenting adults and she came on to me: it’s not as if I was actively chasing her around for sex. I took on her quests, but I take on every quest I see–it’s certainly not an automatic assumption that if I do a quest for you, you’ll sleep with me. There’s not even a dialogue option hinting at it: “sure, I’ll find your ingredients, but then let’s discuss my delightful fee…” [leer leer].

Out of game, yes, one suspected it was coming in this case, which I like to think we can translate to an assumed in-game flirtatious energy between Geralt and Keira, but it’s not like he’s being gross about it.

Butch:

Yup. Total bait and switch. “Find Henrik. Ooops! Forgot to tell you he’s dead and left cryptic clues. What’s that? Your wife’s coming home? She wants dinner? TOO BAD! Here’s sixteen more quest objectives!”

Grumble.

They certainly did mess with our fairy tale expectations. Especially as that all starts with Geralt crushing a cookie and finding worms. Ominous. Until it isn’t. Or is it? Cuz that one kid vanished. And they were singing a rather gristly song.

And then, did the parents know all this? Someone DID tack up that notice NOT to follow the treats.

Watch: Gran’s teaching them to be shapeshifters who will grow up to be hot so she can take over their bodies. I’ve seen that before.

The theme of love doesn’t have to be limited by romantic love. Parent/child love is something, too, which can be tragic. I mean, Flemeth Gran does say, when Geralt asks her about Ciri “Ah…..your betrothed?” and he says “Daughter, actually,” and she just moves along.

I don’t even know the Womanizer song. You listen to Brittney Spears?

The true and loyal heart thing is no better, though. I played it that way in 2, and really, I STILL think Triss was up to something. Sorceresses use you every time. Trust me.

You always know where it’s going with sorceresses. That’s what I always assume, anyway. And sassy rogues. Gotta watch out for them sassy rogues. Geralt better not meet a sassy rogue, or it’s game over.

You know, this game is not helping the burlap empire. Nudity AND good looking lingerie? I mean, where did she GET that? Is there a Frederick’s of Hollywood in Velen somewhere? And, if so, where?

Feminina:

Yes…with the children, it’s very “is this good? is this bad? this is definitely creepy, but is it also evil?”

I don’t so much intentionally listen to Brittney Spears, as I occasionally hear Brittney Spears on the radio. But some of her songs are catchy. What can I say?

I think we can only assume that Keira’s lingerie is magic. Probably transported in from Frederick’s of Hollywood via a new, clothing-related confluence of the spheres. But no, it really doesn’t help our burlap lingerie empire. Sigh. We may have missed the boat on that one. But we still have pear brandy!

Hmm…sorceresses may use Geralt, but in this game, so far, he seems to be OK with it. He gets ingredients and recipes and XP, just as with any quest: he gains useful things from his interactions with Keira as much as from his interactions with peasants needing to clear out a ghoul nest. Is everyone always honest with him? Almost certainly not, the sorceresses no more than the peasants, but that’s the world for you. Letho wasn’t exactly upfront with Geralt either, and used him (or tried to use him, in your case) to support his faked death. People are sneaky.

Brothels ARE fairly womanizy, you’re right. But I haven’t seen any yet…and maybe I won’t even go in. You don’t know my Geralt’s morality!

Butch:

Kid shit in general is creepy as hell. Very creepy. And potentially evil. I shall learn more in the days ahead I am sure.

Even the pear tree is struggling. We need a new niche. Right now, the natural product I seem to have the most of is wasp nests. Cornering the market in those. But damned if these fake nests do prevent them from building new ones.

Ooo! Never mind! I have roses! Talk about metaphor. I have this brush line between me and the field that had become over grown with this death vine that I do believe has developed rational thought. I mean, overgrown. Like, it’s fifteen feet up a pine tree. It had a log that was suspended from a tree limb, off the ground. Just floating there, in vines, like some weird offering. So I did battle with it. Spent two hours hacking away. And now it’s bloomed into gorgeous white flowers that smell better than any flower ever.

Metaphor.

And perfect for RPG fans! Death vine perfume!

We’re back into merchandising!

Back to the topic, it’s not just his faked death. Letho fucking framed him for regicide! That’s low, man.

I’ve always been ok with being used by sorceresses, myself. And based on his (I’m going to say his) actions in 2, dude does love an….um…..escort.

Feminina:

Yeah, go with ‘his.’ You couldn’t help it! You had to do what the game demanded!

Kids, overall, are creepy. I think it’s because we adore them, we’re driven to protect them, and yet in them we see the faces of our own eventual obsolescence: the future is theirs, not ours.

Yup. That’s what I’m going with. If you can do death vine rose perfume, I can do creepy kid/mortality theory.

Butch:

In a role playing game, one must play a role. It’s the sacrifice we make.

Ordinarily, I would never screw a non sorceress.

The death vine has very pretty flowers. Lovely. You’ll see. You know that whale barf was a key ingredient in perfume for years. If Coco Chanel can use whale barf, we can use death vine roses.

I just blame the Shining for the kids. That shit fucked me up.

Feminina:

Fragrance industry, here we come. We’ll have a special line, Death Vine Bébé, for creepy kids. People will know it’s classy, ’cause it has a random French word in it.

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