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Puncherson_64LadyBrain_64

Mild spoilers for the tyromancy quest, significant ones for the Little Red story, and random retro spoilers for the Menge/finding Dandelion bit

Butch:

I am now using a sword called “The Emmentaller.”

Don’t judge.

And that took me forever cuz it bugged. Why did it bug? What causes the bug?

If you stumble across a certain hugeassedflyingdeaththing before you get there, it bugs.

Grand.

Feminina:

I remember that sword! From the cheese-mage’s house! (Sorry, tyromancer.) I wanted to use it, just for the hell of it, but it wasn’t as good as what I already had, so I just sold it. That quest was weird but kind of fun. Although in my case it wasn’t bugged since I hadn’t encountered the hugeassedevildeaththing, so it was probably less fun for you. Sorry about that.

I went to Yantra or Yanda or whatever last night: the place where you can run into Little Red.

And…I let her and the bandits take Bertram. Which I totally shouldn’t have done, because I had a contract to protect him and also I hate bandits because they harass regular townspeople. I should have destroyed them! Hatred of bandits who hassle civilians is one of my defining characteristics! I just…was kind of partial to Little Red based on the description of her as ‘running with the wolves and able to kill a man with nothing but her bare legs’…she sounded badass.

And then in reality she was just a woman who apparently leads a bunch of regular, hateworthy bandits, but…she talked to me, man. You know how hard it is for me to resist an opponent that talks to me, unless it’s Junior. (Actually, even if it’s Junior: it wasn’t easy to decide to kill him, even though I still think it was the only call I could make.) Plus, Bertram apparently cheated her AND set the witch hunters on her, and I hate those dudes, so calling them in is uncool. Plus, there was a short story in that Witcher book I read that was pretty much this, and there Geralt does go ahead and kills her to protect some fairly unappealing person and you’re sort of like “was that really the right way to go there?” so here I figured “hell with that, let’s be different.”

Anyway, what did you do there?

Butch:

Weird? Whatever do you mean? A stinky cheese maze? Every game has one of those!

Listen to you. I remember that! From long ago….maybe 12592 quests ago….

I’m using the damn thing cuz it IS better than what I have.

Red…Ah yes, the place with very unfortunate fences. I remember it well.

Wait, you had a contract? I had no such thing. Indeed, I just wandered in and they were all “Help me!” Actually, I wandered in practically naked cuz those minstrels took my stuff first, and I was tracking them, and stumbled upon “Help me!”

Told her I couldn’t let her have Bertram. I mean, if she had said “Hey, he can pay me back” or something reasonable, but no. And…….she turned into a werewolf. She was not “just a woman.” So fighting ensued, and I died, and fences died, and all that. And eventually she died, because I can reload and she can’t, and they gave me like 10 crowns because I DIDN’T have a contract. And then I found a book on her body that was a letter from her mother, who was ALSO a werewolf, written as she was about to be put to death by the witch hunters for being a werewolf, begging Little Red to stay away from people, and NOT turn into a bandit, so she can keep her secret. Go live with the wolves, it urged, or you will end up dead like your parents. And she didn’t. So she died.

Themes.

Humans are awful, you’re better off with the wolves. AND parents giving desperate advice that was left unheeded, again, leading to the demise of the child.

So all in all, she didn’t listen to her parents, she died, I got bupkis, and three perfectly good fences and a goose died.

Feminina:

Yeah, I was using ‘contract’ loosely: I didn’t have a contract from a message board for Yantra, I just meant that I got to town and they said “help us!” and I said “OK, I will.” A social contract, if you will, in which I told them I would do a certain thing…and then I didn’t.

So…she was a werewolf, eh? Not too surprising based on the description, I suppose. Well, I’m going to either run into her later, or else have to hope that maybe at some point she decided to take her mother’s advice and go live with the wolves. But that’s unlikely. I’m sure that, as her mother predicted, she will one day meet a tragic end. Maybe her bandit followers will turn on her and stab her in her sleep or something. I wouldn’t feel too safe with a group of bandits myself.

I didn’t meet any minstrels along the way, though–I fast-traveled to Yantra from way down south and east, just because I remembered you said I should go there, so I arrived in fine condition, and in the middle of the day, so I had time to wander around and loot everything before dusk, when Little Red showed up. Then I felt kind of bad about that, given that I hadn’t even done what I said I was going to do, but whatever. Nothing’s certain but death and Witcher Taxes.

At least she kept her part of our deal, and they all left as soon as they’d killed Bertram. Then the townsfolk were standing around muttering, none too pleased I’m sure but afraid to attack me, so I took my leave as well. I’ll not be particularly popular there in future, I’m sure. That’s if I don’t go back and find it razed to the ground and everyone eaten by wolves.

It would serve me right for once again allowing myself to be convinced by a smooth-talking enemy that I shouldn’t kill him/her/it.

Butch:

Except her fellow bandits knew. Cuz THEY didn’t turn into werewolves. They were fighting me along side her. They seemed completely non surprised. Probably why they were letting her boss them around. Do not fuck with the werewolf.

She did seem rather reasonable, and, as you say, she DID get cheated and they DID sick the witch hunters on her, so she wasn’t ALL that bloodthirsty. But then, unlike the last wife eating werewolf we found, she was using her wolfiness to be a bandit and loot (indeed, the letter from her parents explicitly told her NOT to loot villages, so there’s no doubt she was not new to the concept, and her parents probably weren’t, either). These were not “hide in the forest and get better” wolves.

But for real, she’s called “little red” and only comes out at night and you didn’t figure “wolf?”

Pay attention, witcher.

I probably won’t go back, though. No one to play Gwent with.

Feminina:

Not just ‘Little Red’ and forest and night, her legend specifically said she ‘runs with the wolves.’ Obviously my first thought was that she was a werewolf or otherwise supernaturally attuned to wolves. But…she talked to me so reasonably…and I hate witch hunters so much…and she didn’t turn into a werewolf in front of ME…if there’d been a dialogue option for “so, are you a werewolf?” things would have gone differently.

Whatever, man. I don’t second-guess my own poor decisions. Or I do, but I move on. At least I didn’t kill a poor, defenseless goose!

Oh goodness, speaking of moral decisions, you have got to get to Skellige and do…a quest…with a person…and a…thing…I can say no more.

Butch:

I’m working on it, I’m working on it. Had I not wasted half a damn hour trying to climb a BUGGED ledge…..

Man, fuck that griffin. “I’m gonna kill you! You’re running? I don’t get to kill you? Well, that’s gonna cost you half an hour cuz I BUGGED YOUR QUEST!”

That thing is SO dead in 20 levels.

I keep WANTING to do the ball, but I feel weird getting all flirty with M here, ok? She does not need to know my full infatuation with hot sorceresses. Soon.

My next thing is talking to Triss about Phillipa, which I still haven’t done. Then the ball, then flirting, then the play. I’ll get there. There’s fewer and fewer side quests each day.

It’s time.

Only a couple more months until FO4. That’s why I preorder. I like deadlines.

On the current topic, I DO hate the witch hunters, and the fact her parents were killed by them gave me a pang of guilt, but she attacked me! I was all “I can’t let you just kill this dude,” and she didn’t give me an alternative. Just “whooosh, wolf, fight.” We could have parlayed, man.

Stop it about the goose. I’ll need that feather later, I’m sure.

Feminina:

Speaking of witch hunters and Phillipa, how much did you love when you axii that guy in the ruins and say “be a good little witch hunter,” and he says “I AM a good little witch hunter” in a dazed voice? That was awesome. I almost felt fond of that guy for making me laugh, and looked for him on the way out because I didn’t QUITE plan to just abandon him there to die, but he wasn’t there…I suppose he must have made his own way out.

And then, when you got out, did you tell them about the crystal, or keep it to yourself? I didn’t tell them, and they got suspicious that I was hiding something and attacked me, so I killed them all. (Including, I suppose, the one who made me laugh earlier…ah well, at least we shared that special moment.) Which I was just as happy about, given that I hate them. “Come on, go ahead and attack me…I just need an excuse to kill you.”

If “dispense vile insults” were a dialogue option, I’d be provoking every witch hunter I saw into attacking me wherever I went. Which is not really Geralt’s style, but I wouldn’t be able to resist…so just as well it’s not an option.

Butch:

That was great. As was the time I axiied some bandits who were covered in grime and one said “I think I’ll go brush my teeth….”

Oh I kept the crystal. No way I’m giving it to anyone until I know what’s going on. No way I’m talking to Radovid before Triss, either. If at all.

That would be awesome if we could provoke people. Or even snarky insults.

“You know, I can smell you over my trophies…..”

Feminina:

Yes! Go brush your teeth! Axii is the best. I would never do anything but use axii to make people go clean up and stuff, if only that were possible.

Although I suppose, great as it is, we would tire of not getting to do ANYTHING else. I do also enjoy setting things on fire, after all.

OK, fine, game…keep axii as one awesome option that we love all the more for not getting to overuse it. Do your ‘game balance’ thing that you do so well. If you must.

I was very glad you could use it on those transformed pigs. At first when I heard I had to gather them all into one place I was thinking “THIS is going to be a nightmare, trying to nudge a bunch of pigs in a certain direction.”

Snarky insults would be awesome. And that’s what got me into trouble with Menge’s people! I couldn’t stop insulting them, and then they attacked me. Not that I’m terribly upset that they didn’t get a chance to torture Triss, even though she told me to let them do it.

Butch:

The game lets you do your two favorite things! No wonder you love it!

Even without the male nudity.

“Move it, lard ass.” Talking to the pig was also awesome. Poor Geralt.

There needs to be more ridiculousness in games.

Triss did tell me to. And the response: “Is your hand ok?” Her, with absolute venom: “It’ll heal by my wedding day.” Jeez, no pressure.

Feminina:

Yeah…I forgive the lack of male nudity in exchange for all the looting and setting things on fire.

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