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Some spoilers for Zoltan’s card-collecting quest


So what did I do last night? I finished the get cards for Zoltan bit. Was really pissed at that one bandit dude. See, I’m sure when you found those dudes and they said “Play me for it,” you said, “Nah, fuck it, I’ll kill you.” I played them. And I won! Slaughtered them even! Two rounds, boom. A smashing win! But they pooched on the deal and then had the audacity to KILL ME. And was there a checkpoint save AFTER the gwent game and BEFORE they killed me? No. So I had to go back to BEFORE the gwent game, and said fuck it, and killed them all anyway. Grumble.

But get the cards I did. And told Zoltan I wanted to keep them.

I also accidentally killed the bad guy, Duke, or Earl, or whatever. I say accidentally because Geralt misled me. He’s laying there dying, Geralt is all “You need a witcher,” and he says “Leave me be,” and I thought “no” would be “Let me help you, I’ll take you to safety, whatever.” But “no” was “I’ll kill you.” Oops. But didn’t care enough to reload, so he’s dead.

Then I did a lot of Dandelion’s caberet bit. Lost a fistfight, so had to go to the racetrack to pay the halfling (I couldn’t be bothered to lose both a fistfight AND a horserace in the same fucking quest), so I paid him, and now I’m off to talk to Dandelion again. Now I’m standing outside the estate.

I should have known these two “little” things were not little.

I only have one more night before vacation. I think I may mop up a few question marks, and save Triss for my return.

But on that, I have a quest that’s another “talk to Triss about a statue.” Is she gonna listen?


I thought you already had those cards? I, obviously, took the money because I don’t play gwent.

When you talk about bandits playing you for the card, is that the guys in the inn who were threatening to kill that other guy? I tried to play at that point, because, well, man’s life is at stake, gotta try, but I lost, so they killed him right there. I would have THOUGHT I might have been able to intervene as he said “too bad for [whoever]” and drew a knife, especially since it turned into a brawl in which I killed them all anyway, but apparently not. So everyone was dead, either way.

Sometimes the dialogue phrases don’t map clearly to the actual dialogue, that’s for sure. I mean, ‘no’ could mean a variety of options, really: pretty much anything that’s not agreement with the initial statement. Is it obvious that ‘no’ means ‘I’ll kill you’? Not terribly. But sometimes Geralt has his own ideas, and we must just let him go with it.

I also just gave that halfling some money. Whatever, man, just take it. It’s worth it to me just to save the time and hassle of a horse race, even if I were to win.

I’m not sure I had this particular situation, but I wouldn’t bet on Triss being willing to talk about a statue at this point. Next time you see her, it’s pretty much go-go-go on the specific storyline of that quest. Maybe later in the game?

For me last night…I did a couple of little quests and some main plot. Adjusting my initial impression of Skellige: it’s Scotland, but also Scandinavia, what with the Freya-worship and the saunas. So there’s that to look forward to.


You had me at saunas.

I had one of the cards. The other two are too bitchin’ not to keep. I have FIVE heroes in my Northern Realms deck now.

HA! “I suck at gwent cuz I never play, but now that a man’s life is at stake instead of five gold, what the hell?” I managed to save the guy, so that was something. So you either had to win at gwent, or say fuck it which is WHAT YOU ALWAYS DO! Way to go. Be faithful to yourself, save lives. There’s a lesson.

Yeah, Geralt does have his own ideas. I clicked it cuz he really wasn’t being all glarey eyed, I sure want to kill you like he sometimes is. So how was I supposed to know he was all killy? I actually said, out loud “Uh…wait…”


I don’t even have that much to give, but I paid the halfling. In all seriousness, I think I need to do some question marks cuz that whole “come up with 1000 to give the boat captain to get to Skellige” is gonna be tight. That would be embarrassing. “I can’t continue with the main story until I find 349 broken rakes.”

Does Triss disappear? Or die? Is this it for Triss? Cuz I don’t want this to be it for Triss.


Hey, hey, it was “we’re killing him, unless you can win at gwent,” not “well, we were planning to just let this guy go,” and me saying “that’s too easy–I should have to win at gwent first!” It wasn’t MY choice to put his life at stake.

I mean, they killed him if I refused to play, or if I played and lost. If I played, he at least had a slim chance of living, so playing seemed like the moral option, given that I wished the man no specific harm at that particular moment. He was basically dead either way, given my pathetic gwent skills/deck, but at least I tried.

You don’t have 1000 gold? Yeah, you should probably hit some question marks. Collect some loot to sell. 1000 IS quite a lot.

As far as I know, Triss isn’t dead. (That is, if she’s dead, it happened offscreen and secretly and remains to be revealed at some horrible future point. Which is I suppose possible, but we’re not rooting for it.) I won’t say anything more, lest spoilage result.


No, he wasn’t dead either way. Had you done what you usually do, which is to say “Fuck tact, I’m not going to play your game/go along with your plan/try to axii anyone and just killed the fuck out of people from the word go he would have LIVED. Cuz I had to reload after my gwent win, right? So the second time I DIDN’T play gwent, and did the Femmy thing of saying “Oh, fuck this, it’s going to be a fight anyway,” and it was, and I won, and he LIVED.

It was your choice to put his life at stake, and you blew it. Sleep well.

I’m right around 1000 gold. I think I have just about that, cuz I was a little north of it but then gave 200 to the halfling. Let’s just say I was close enough to 1000 that I had to think a long time about the 200.

Ok, don’t say anymore about Triss’ future. You like her, don’t you? You slept with her, didn’t you? (I mostly want to know so I know if I have that to look forward to when I get back).


Damn you, lying bandits! You said you were going to kill him anyway! I assumed there was no choice! If you can’t trust a bunch of murderous thugs, who can you trust?

Oh well, whatever. That guy would probably have shivved me in the back for my lousy gwent cards if he ever got a chance. It just goes to show that my (usual) way is the best after all.

I may have shared a special moment with Triss, but come on…you don’t expect me to kiss and tell. A gentleman shows discretion. At least until he can gossip with the other gentlemen who’ve completed that quest.


You can trust water hags. I still think they’re just misunderstood.

You know, that guy DID try to talk me into other cards. I stood firm. But yeah, some gratitude.

You so slept with her. See? It’s time you tried out some sorceresses. Find out what it’s like to be with someone who doesn’t sit around brooding in his exoskeleton all day.


Garrus doesn’t brood. He’s very active and energetic, full of optimism and ship upgrades. Thane broods like a master, no argument there, but his species is ‘reptile-like’ and so presumably doesn’t have an exoskeleton. Stick an exoskeleton on Blackwall, though, and there’s no comparison. He’d be the broodiest, most exoskeletal of them all. Maybe his armor counts.

You’re right, though–we can’t forget the badly misrepresented water hags, just out there trying to lead a quiet life in the swamp, not bothering anyone, until some big lump of a witcher wanders through looking for loot.


Still can’t tell what the difference is between water hags and bilge hags. Maybe bilge hags are dirtier. Judgy, if you ask me.


It IS judgy. Also, as best we can tell from the environments, inaccurate, given that technically ‘bilge’ is part of a ship, and/or the water that collects in the bottom of a boat or ship, and we’ve never encountered hags in ships or boats. Maybe these hags started their life in bilge water and then moved out? If so, it’s still not very nice to brand them forever with the nasty water in which they spent their formative years, given that they’ve moved on. No wonder they’re bitter.

“The locals are so insular and unfriendly here…I’ve been in this swamp for 40 years, guarding loot and paying swamp taxes with everyone else, but they all still call me ‘bilge hag’, as if my defining feature was that I was born in a ship.”


See? You’d be pissed, too. And I’m sure all they want from someone is a hug. Validation that their years of guarding hardened leather and meteorite dust were WORTH something to someone….and what do we give them? A couple Northern Winds and a silver sword to the head.

We’re awful.


There’s really no excuse for us. We’re terrible people and we should be ashamed of ourselves.

Ooh–it’s meta! WE are the true lesser of several evils! We’re horrible, but we’re the only one who can (possibly) save the world. Everyone else is in the uncomfortable position of having to hire/buy rakes from/sell things to/play cards with us because if they don’t support us, they’re basically voting for the world to end.

In your face, everybody!


Man, shit, that made my head hurt.

I’m just here for the sorceresses.



Come for the T shirts, stay for the mind-bending textural analysis and the water hag support group.