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Some spoilers for Uncharted 1

Butch:

Man I was tired last night. Played, but played badly. I haven’t played such an actiony game in a while and I forget that playing those games tired can be slow and frustrating, so I didn’t get much done and I was pissed for a lot of it.

But I got to the fortress. And I got in. And I got to the tower thing there, and saw Elena. Then I went down a watery thing and there was a turret. And I killed the guy in the turret and then was stumped. The hint kept saying “Shoot the barrel” and I couldn’t FIND the fucking barrel. Ten minutes (seriously) later, I chucked a grenade figuring that would hit the fucking barrel, and it did, and then the next bit was ANOTHER clusterfuck of a fight, and I think I said “Ah, FUCK this” out loud and went to bed.

So that’s where I am.

I’m ready for less fighting and more witty quips. Any minute now……any minute…….

I’m going to give the game a pass here because it isn’t really its fault that I sucked last night. Some blame is mine. But I could use a break from fighty fighty.

Feminina:

I HATE the unhelpful hints. I don’t remember getting held up at a turret, but there’s this bit at some point where you have to climb out a window and across a wall and swing on some vines, and seriously, I could NOT get the timing right. I died at least 30 times trying to leap from the freaking swinging vine.

And the hint was all “hey, you have to climb out this window.”

Yeah. Thanks. Got that far on my own. Do you have any tips about WHEN TO LEAP OFF THIS VINE? It seriously wasn’t even a complicated challenge: there was nothing going on except that my timing was incredibly off that night.

As you say, that’s largely on me for playing tired. But at least stop prompting me with this useless hint.

Any minute now…witty quips…

Butch:

In defense of that hint, it took me forever to figure out to climb out of the damn window. I spent GOD knows how long shooting up urns in that hallway, trying to shoot open doors, etc. And yet, no one noticed. What DID they notice? When I stealth killed (sneak up behind, hit triangle) a guy. THAT they noticed. Me shooting like 400 rounds at urns? Nope.

Yeah. Gotta get back my skills.

I dunno. The vine thing hasn’t proven a problem for me. The running over cars thing, on the other hand…..

Now I’ve gone and jinxed myself and the next vine bit will take me 45 minutes.

Ah, MAN I’m STILL a ways from witty quips?

Feminina:

Well, you know, EVERYONE shoots at urns. They figured it was just one of their own guys. But when Bob failed to check in with his every-30-second “all clear!” cough? They definitely notice. You don’t mess with Bob’s check-in cough.

I just got to chapter 10 last night. 55% completed, not quite 7 hours of playtime. This is a major, major change of pace from FO4.

Ooh, I should check the final time count on FO4 and see how many days that actually was. I didn’t think to look.

Butch:

You also don’t commandeer turrets. I mean, that’s the guy I always shot first. You’d think I’d know, stepping over twelve bodies, that the turret does not make you as badassed as you think it does. I took it, then someone got behind me, and that was that. Sigh.

I’m 35% at this moment, so I’m, what, two hours back of you? Manageable.

My clock on FO4 was about 160 hours, if my math is right. That would mean it beat out TW3 by 20 hours to be the game I’ve put the most hours into ever. Well, games with endings, I suppose. Civilization V doesn’t count.

That is, if we conceded FO4 did have an end, which we’re 50/50 on.

Feminina:

We never saw the credits! It might not have ended at all!

This game will be over before we know it. Which is probably a good thing considering there are two more.

And yeah, dude. Stay the hell away from turrets.

Butch:

I’m sorta looking at it as three episodes of the same game. This is like “part 1.” Which is how I think they planned it, so ok.

I hope I get to keep my bonuses. Frankly, I wish they SHARED the damn bonuses. I can’t for the life of me find what bonuses I’ve actually gotten, but it’s gotta be something cuz I’m a) up to, like, ten treasures and b) all of a sudden I can carry more ammo for the AK and five grenades. And lord knows what else! I mean, if I have, unwittingly, upgraded the shotgun so it’s an overpowered death machine, I want to know! Cuz right now I DON’T know!

Bethesda games never really end. They just fade away.

Feminina:

Yeah, if the bonuses–whatever they are–don’t transfer, it’s going to be tougher to maintain the sense of continuity from game to game. Hey, I became more badass in 1! Why am I all feeble again at the beginning of 2?

The age-old problem of an ongoing franchise with a repeating main character.

Didn’t we at least get credits in New Vegas, though? I feel like maybe I saw credits. And definitely there was a wrap-up of “this happened to so-and-so.” Not so in 4.

Butch:

We did get that. And in FO3, which had a HELL of a hard ending, one of the best ever.

But I’m still waiting for the credits of Skyrim. As are we all. Or, if they were there, they were there for no reason.

Yes, the crippled character. Let’s just hope they don’t do amnesia.

Feminina:

Good point…I don’t remember credits in Skyrim either.

Oh, Bethesda. You WANT us to just keep wandering around playing the game forever. I get that.

But some of us eventually have other things to do.

Eventually.

Butch:

Dat DLC! Dem Mods!

Because everyone needs mods!

Apparently a big thing in FO4 now is using the new DLC (which gives you more settlement options, hooray, and the ability to trap and train monsters and robots), to find the most creative way of killing Marcy Long, that grumpy bitch in Sanctuary who probably cost me that trophy which I will never, ever get despite all the time I spent trying to get it.

Not bitter.

Feminina:

I’ve moved on. DLC? Meh. Unless it’s a whole new storyline that explains what the hell happens with synth-Shaun, I’m over it.

And hey, I don’t care to spend time talking to Marcy Long, but killing her for being grumpy seems a bit extreme. But people gotta do what they do, I guess.

Butch:

Well, once you’ve given Codsworth an ass, what’s left?

Feminina:

Nothing that anyone wants to see, that’s for sure.

Butch:

Ya never know. New lingerie? Maybe burlap. Modders can do ANYTHING.

Photo mode.

I have “photo mode” cuz I’m playing this game on the 4. This is a mode that pauses the game and lets you twirl the camera, zoom in, out, whatever, to get that PERFECT screenshot.

I wound up with the worst possible picture of Nathan Drake imaginable. It’s horrid.

So I gave up.

But I got a trophy just for trying it! Ironically, the trophy screenshot was nicer than the one I took.

Yeah, so far I have a trophy screenshot of me dying, a terrible one I took, and one that’s nice that is mocking me.

Not missing much with not being able to trade shots here.

Feminina:

Well, that’s a relief. If we can’t do something, at least it’s not worth doing anyway.

I mean, all my shots would be terribly unrealistic leaves and waves anyway, right? And we’d share the horrible hair.

Butch:

Yeah who needs THAT? Eww. Keep your last gen bullshit to yourself.

Feminina:

I try not to let anyone see me play. I turn off the lights so I can pretend I’m asleep instead.

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