, , ,


Spoilers about puzzles and plot movement in Uncharted 4; speculation about character motivation in Pokemon Go


Ok, got to the “There’s the treasure room” (Belloque’s staff is too long….they’re digging in the wrong place!) (That’s the line right before “Bad Dates.”) (I digress.). That scene was better in 2 cuz you could celebrate by smooching Chloe. (I digress. Not sorry.)

Good stuff, but given our conversation yesterday regarding villains just popping in at certain moments, I almost laughed out loud when the villain just burst in. And when they were RIGHT on the other side of that wall. The villains didn’t say “Hey….maybe we should look through this crack….naaaaah.”

But I guess you couldn’t have that Raef/Nadine scene without that convenient convenience.

I stopped when the “trap” went off and the shooting started cuz the kids were there.

Nice gameplay balance, I thought, and a couple nice twists. I liked that one “test” was because the elaborate gear thingy had fallen apart. FINALLY! I mean, eventually one had to fall apart, right?

But, on that, that final trap there must be a BITCH to reset. I can see Avery all (pirate voice) “ARGH! Kevin! Get ye down to the room with the map! Some scallywag has made it collapse again!” and Kevin all “Awww MAN! Took me two days to find the bait cross the last time! And lining it up just so that star is right there is SOOOOO tricky!” And Avery: “ARGH, but Kevin, we already used the spike thing once, and the gear thing wasn’t practical…”

Still, trying to trick her was a nice touch, as was the fact that it was SAM thinking while Nate was prattling inanely about what a real crucifix was….


Yes! I did appreciate the nod to some semblance of realism in having one of the ancient, extremely complicated puzzles actually fall apart. And I totally also wondered about that last one…It must SUCK to have to rebuild that entire floor every time someone picks the wrong not-actually-a-crucifix (thank you, Nathan’s Catholic orphanage education). And how did Avery even know when it needed resetting? He wasn’t there!

String pulling will only lead us to madness.


Which considering the thing is there to weed people put by killing them, it is really meant to collapse. Often.

We pull strings dude. Accept it.


On another note…

So I returned all my unused phone apps to factory settings (deleting all updates) and barely had enough room for Pokemon Go. Caught a few things, got a couple of medals. Man, this drains the battery.

Unfortunately, I’m not giving anyone my phone, so it won’t really free my game time, but at least now I can see what everyone is talking about. And we can have smart discussions about the storylines and character development…like, what is that Professor Willow’s deal? Is he just sharing these tips out of the goodness of his heart? I’m suspicious.



It does drain one’s battery. It does. But it gets one out and about. I went for a nice long walk with Jr. last night. Good, quality time, that was only occasionally interrupted by chucking balls at whatever the fuck those things were.

As for Professor Willow….he’s just evil, man. EVIL! He wants to enslave cute little monsters, then give them to children as pets, only to have said children make them fight to the death for no good reason. I mean….

That, and he wants to slaughter them into genetic food. For real! You “evolve” them into stronger ones by feeding them “candy.” Now, you get some, say, evee candy when you catch an evee, but if you have, say, 12 evees, you can give 11 of them to Willow who will….give you…..evee candy…..does he MAKE the evees into their own candy? DOES HE???????

Soylent Green……IS POKEMON!!!!!!!

There’s so much wrong in this game.

Another example:

So I guess you’ve figured out “pokestops.” Those are those square thingies, you spin them to get new balls. You also get potions (which heal damaged pokemon) and “revives,” which revive pokemon that have gotten knocked out fighting. Well, we got three revives at a pokestop yesterday! Hooray us! Things that bring you back to life!

Where? What was the pokestop?

St. Bernard’s Catholic Cemetery.

For real.

There are so many ways we could go with that, and they’re all upsetting.


Yes! I was at a pokestop in a cemetery yesterday! There’s a pokegym at a veteran’s memorial there. So…fight your pokemon to the death…near a memorial to our nation’s war dead…

Appropriate. Or something. I mean, for practical purposes I like that the stuff is in the cemetery, that’s a nice walk and with limited traffic, but it does feel a bit odd.

I suppose our nation’s war dead would probably be playing pokemon if they could.


Yeah…. and the enormous stone crucifix that I was under GETTING revives was slightly upsetting and upsettingly metaphorical. (And yes, it was a crucifix, as Drake taught me. Crown of thorns and agony and all. Didn’t really GO with the game…..)

War dead…playing…


You’ve been playing two days and you’re already insane.


Hey, I just meant that everyone seems to be playing this game, so if we could somehow ask those fallen soldiers their opinion, they would probably be into it too. I mean, after they were done saying “what the hell are you even TALKING about?”

Also, you’re so right, he is totally turning those poor creatures into their own candy. It’s sick.

And OK, so we’re trying to cash in enough of each type to get enough candy to build one of the next larger type? Is this essentially the plan? Or do we want to keep examples of each type as we go?

I don’t really know anything about Pokemon…we were too old for the original craze, and I never had any siblings into it or anything.


I don’t know anything either. Butch Jr. seems to, despite only having 26 cards and never actually PLAYING it. I think, one day, he binge watched a whole mess of the cartoon on the ipad when I thought he was watching something educational. He’s tried to explain it to me. He can talk a long time about it. Usually, he says three words, and then he SEEMS to be still speaking English…. I think……

Ok….so…..here’s what I have gleaned:

Each little critter has that stat “CP.” This is combat points. Combat points are good. The more it has, the more badass. Now, the same type of critter might have a big swing in CP. So one badratass might have 17 cp, and another might have 72. The “evolved” ones are all higher in CP. So the strategy is to turn poor, wimpy, 17 CP badratass into candy to feed his stronger brethren. Poor thing.

Now, see, that gym? That gym is owned by a team. When you hit level 5, you get to pick a team (Dave is Instinct, the yellow one). Gyms work like this: if they’re unowned, you can plop one of yours down and claim it. If it IS owned, then friendly players can contribute some critters to help guard it. (The most powerful guard is displayed when you click it), and other teams can challenge the biggest guard to try to take it over (and then the next most powerful, etc etc etc until they get to the wimpy badratass you gave it). And then another team takes it. And they feel happy or some shit.

Don’t ask why. There is no why. To feed the evil whims of Professor Willow.


Dude, I am so not giving up my precious monsters to defend some gym. I am level 5, but haven’t been near a gym…I suppose it will demand I align with a faction next time I wander by one. Is it like the rebels and the alliance or something, or just about a team flag?

I hope there’s a purple one.


I don’t know how that worked. There’s a gym a couple blocks away, and it’s a blue gym. Butch Jr. is yellow.

I don’t think there’s a story, but each team has a leader and all that. Hold on…..




I don’t think there’s a story, but each team has a leader and all that. Hold on…..

Meet Your Pokémon Go Team Leaders

Can we all agree that “They’re discussing breeding, but there’s nothing in the works yet” is the most disturbing line of print to come out of the gaming media perhaps ever?

Purple: just negotiate a truce between red and blue. BOOM!

But “Blanche?” Really? Sounds like an old, raspy voiced diner waitress.

Oh, did we talk about eggs? Eggs.


Ha! Perfect. I’m going to have to go blue, just so I can imagine my team leader as a chain smoking waitress. Those ladies don’t mess around.

I got an egg at one of the stops, but haven’t been out walking again since, so it’s not doing anything.

Do they hatch random creatures?


Well, depends. Have you incubated it? Hmmm? Cuz if it’s not in an incubator, it won’t do squat.

You always have at least one. Go to “pokemon.” Then, up in the top right, it’ll say “eggs 1/9” or whatever. Tap that. Then tap your egg. It’ll call up the incubator. Tap that, and boom.

It’ll have a distance under it. If you walk around with the app open for however long it says to hatch, it’ll hatch.

I got a zumbat. Which was ironic, considering, you know, bats.

I miss Uncharted…..


Oh yeah, I put it in the incubator, but I have to walk 10 km, and I haven’t been out today. It’s gonna happen. When I go back to work tomorrow, at the latest. I mean, at least I’ll start it.

Uncharted is still there! We just have to figure out this Professor’s deal. And chuck balls at a few more things. And incubate some eggs.