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Puncherson_64LadyBrain_64

Minor spoilers for Uncharted 4 mechanics and story, spoiler for a plot point near the end of The Witcher 3

Butch:

Ok, seriously, a piton?

WAAAA! LARA HAS ROPE ARROWS AND I DON’T!!!!!
Ok, Nathan, here’s a cool swingy rope.
(Nathan plays happily with rope for a while)
(Nathan looks over at cousin Lara)
WAAAA! LARA HAS A COOL AXE THINGY THAT LETS HER CLIMB CHEESE ROCKS AND I DON’T!!!!!

For real?

What’s he going to get next? Tighter pants?

I got the piton.

And I found Sam. And then he found the skull and said “Still want to go home?” and I stopped.

Even when he’s trying to be a grown up he fails.

Feminina:

Sign me up for the tighter pants version! Ha.

Yeah, the piton and the cheese rock felt familiar. Not bad, but familiar. “Just in case you’re getting tired of climbing the way you did the last three games…”

Heck, they had all that programming just sitting around. Might as well use it. Keep in practice for Rise of the Tomb Raider.

Butch:

I figured you’d like the pants. I like them on Lara, I do.

Still….even the rocks look the same.

At least they don’t see the need to have a button prompt when you can do it.

But I did the “Jump and use piton as you smack into the cliff” thing, and I could hear him thinking “Ha! Mine doesn’t even have a handle, Croft! Beat that!”

And I figure she’ll raise him a couple in RotTR. Magnetic rock shoes or kite sail arrows or something.

Feminina:

Yes! Magnetic rock shoes! I can’t wait.

It better not be gliders like the one da Vinci built you in Assassin’s Creed Brotherhood. I almost broke something (in the real world) trying to steer that damn thing. Actually, ALL of da Vinci’s machines were pretty horrible. The man may be a genius, but his creations are not user friendly.

So watch where you get your inspiration, Lara.

Also, I played some witcher. Fought monsters, investigated question marks, collected and sold crappy randit swords to steadily increase my hoard of coins. You know. It’s mainly about the looting.

Not so much with the romance. Nothing yet. But lots of loot.

Butch:

Those priorities are backwards. Loot gets old. Romance does not.

Dude, you MUST be at a point where none of this helps. I mean, even the witcher gets to that point that RPGs ALWAYS get to where you have so much money and nothing better to spend it on. You’re doing it to do it. Learn gwent.

Feminina:

It’s true, the looting is pointless by now…I don’t have anything at all to buy because I’ve already renovated the heck out of my new estate. There should be more of a money pit aspect to that. I mean, come on, a few thousand here and there is nothing to me. I should be able to hire an extravagant interior decorator who will spend thousands getting me just the right cushions for the bejeweled ivory and silk fainting couch I will obviously want to put in just in case someone who comes to me with a contract offer is overcome by the horror as they explain the problem…or when I tell them my fee.

Sigh. I also wanted to spend piles of money on witcher gear, which you can now dye a variety of exciting colors, but none of the witcher gear is as good as the gear I already have.

It’s a tough world for those who are truly dedicated to looting.

Butch:

See, if you didn’t get the threesome of shame, you could lavish it on a hottie. Love Triss, but she’s got expensive tastes.

Another reason to love hot sorceresses: they give looting a purpose.

Feminina:

Well, I was TRYING to get TWO hot sorceresses to spend money on!

That is a good point, though. Sigh. I can’t even spend a bunch of money on booze trying to forget that disaster, because booze is cheap. Also, I loot so much wine for free.

A fun thing about the expansion is all the new food items. Pate and such.

Butch:

Love the details in the witcher. He’d so eat pate.

Me, I’m taking Triss to the dress shop, like, every day. And she’s cute drunk.

Feminina:

Except you CAN’T take her shopping, because you have no money. Me, dripping with wealth and no one to share it with, and you, basking in the love of a beautiful woman to whom you can only afford to offer drowner brains and monster saliva as tokens of your affection.

It’s a mixed up world, it is.

Butch:

Ah, well. At least she has that green number. I’m ok with that.

Anyway, she’d probably just blow it all on sweets and ruin the 22 inch waist.

Love and money, man. Mixed up.

Feminina:

I believe it’s been established that sorceress hotness is magical, so that’s no excuse for not going out to get her sweets! At least make her a pie once in a while. Preferably NOT with drowner brains, although one has so many, it’s always a struggle to use them before they get gross.

More gross.

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