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Puncherson_64LadyBrain_64

No spoilers, except of our image as people who know anything about how to play games

Butch:

Nothing. Well, nothing new since yesterday’s report. You can’t expect me to play twice a day, can you?

Feminina:

I also have nothing. Nothing except Pokemon, and there’s only so much we can say about Pokemon. Like, uh…I hatched another unfamiliar pokemon! Eggs are the best! Then I evolved a couple of new forms, which is also great!

I just reached level 13, I have 49 seen and 46 caught on my Pokedex…I regularly have to throw away potions because my bag gets too full and I never need to heal my pokemon because they never fight…I have 34,000 stardust that I never use because they never fight…I really wish you could sell potions and stardust, because I would be rich, but of course then people wouldn’t spend actual money on pokecoins. Which, by the way, I have not done, so I’m not that far gone.

Um…yeah. That’s kind of it. There’s not that much to discuss.

Do your pokemon fight?

Out of curiosity I did leave one at a nearby friendly gym (even though I said I wouldn’t), and then later he showed up all injured in my list and I noticed that the gym had been taken over by the red team, so apparently when someone beats all the defenders (including my pathetic 130-CP Drowzee), they’ll just come crawling home with one hit point. I have more drowzees than I know what to do with, so I just turned him over to the professor right away.

“If you can’t hold a gym as the 37th line of defense against something that defeated the first 36 lines, you’re dead to me!”

Although for my own peace of mind I’ve decided the professor just lets them go again to continue the cycle of life, rather than turning them into candy for their brethren and sistren to cannibalize. I mean, the world is always swarming with pokemon…they either multiply like viruses, or the professor is recycling them. As an ecologically minded person, I’m voting for recycling.

Save the planet! Turn a pokemon loose to be captured by someone else!

Butch:

Though they gyp you! I just went to wegmans, and opened the damn app because you walk around a lot at Wegmans cuz it’s huge, and it gave me .1 km. Bullshit!

Keep telling yourself that. Not too far gone.

Yeah on fighting…..

So on the way to the aforementioned wegmans, baby boy fell asleep, and, as he got no sleep at nana’s this weekend, I let him sleep. For reasons that elude rational thought, there’s a gym at wegmans (kinda in the booze section) that I could get to from the parked van. So I decided to try to figure that part out.

I did not figure it out.

I mean, you fight the weakest one first. Which, in this case, was a 534 point or so thingy. When you fight, it picks your best SIX pokemon, and you kinda whack the screen until….something. I died. Or got knocked out. Good thing I have revives and potions so D will never know. I couldn’t figure out how to do special attacks, so that was that. I got no XP. I’ll work on it. If you figure out special attacks, let me know.

Poor, poor drowzee. He just wants to nap.

Pathetic? Our best is 260. Jeez.

“Turn a pokemon loose”? Oh here we go again. We need a tag of “Femmy’s self delusional justifications.”

Feminina:

Yeah, it seems to be really bad at counting when you’re somewhere it considers to be off the street. You left the main road? You probably just sat down and twiddled your thumbs for an hour inside that giant building. Seems reasonable.

I suppose it is just GPS. I don’t know how high-tech we want them to get about looking into our houses and stuff.

I couldn’t figure out attacks either, the one time I tried to ‘train’ at a blue gym (which presumably is less lethal? Although it still damaged my creature). I could dodge, occasionally, but not reliably. Apparently we suck at pokecombat. We’re probably just too old. But if I ever figure it out, I’ll let you know.

Your highest is 260? Dude, I have a 649 CP Hypno. You need to feed your creatures better or something. Of course, 649 is still nothing compared to the 1401 CP front line guardian of the nearest gym to my work. I’m just going to stay over here with my sad, non-cannibal monsters and leave the gyms alone.

I’ll tag it ‘morality,’ OK? The delusional part can be inferred. But I’m sticking to my interpretation, and I still maintain the Witcher Tax is legitimate practice. They wouldn’t have put that junk in a glowing bag if they didn’t mean for me to have it! It’s an ancient covenant! Like the one that leshan had with those villagers!

Surely you agree my running off with their mugs and broken oars is less damaging than the leshan’s demands.

Interestingly, a lot more people in Toussaint, in the expansion, lock their doors so I can’t get in and take their stuff. Which just goes to show that people in Redania or wherever COULD lock their doors if they really wanted me to not take their stuff.

It’s always an option, guys. It’s not as if I go around breaking down doors.

Butch:

Annoying. Going to Wegmans usually involves walking, like, three miles. It’s huge. And I always forget something in produce, as one does.

We’re not too old! There’s no directions except “swipe to dodge!”

I’m getting very worried about you. But then, I’m behind you in real games, so carry on.

And you’re still sending monsters to their doom. Look at that Evee! It’s SO cute! And digglers? They smile at you! The LOVE you! And you sell them for one measly candy!

Maybe the witcher loot is a money thing. They can’t afford locks.

Now complex traps, that’s a different story.

Feminina:

There’s always some kind of sale on complex traps. Locks…now that’s money.

I’m not sure the pokemon are going to their doom, though…I mean, the one I left guarding a gym came back with only 1 HP, but it came back. It didn’t die and disappear from the list. I think maybe it’s more like a boxing match than a fight to the death. Not that I’d know for sure, given my failure to explore this component of the game in any depth. And my apparent lack of interest in asking the internet for an answer. (I mean, that would be the easy way, but it certainly wouldn’t be…the Cowboy Way. There’s no good speculation to be had from simply LOOKING UP the answer.)

And it’s true, it really doesn’t give you any instructions at all…which makes me think it must be super obvious, and I just can’t figure it out, which makes me think I’m too old for this. Not that I let that stop me.

Anyway, in terms of ethics it may be basically equivalent to cockfighting, but it’s a nonlethal cockfight. That’s practically moral, especially from a video game standpoint.

At least as long as we assume we’re not feeding them candy made from the corpses of the comrades we cheerfully sent off to the glue factory.

Butch:

Tag: Femmy’s delusional moralizing.

The poor…cute….trusting…sad….eevee….. It just wants to be loved…..just wants a safe, warm home….wants to come in off the street…… it has such hope….such…..futile….hope…..

Feminina:

Eevees ARE super cute. They’re my favorite monster so far. I also like the things they evolve into, which are cute but badass.

That’s why I hand them over to the tender care of the professor, who releases them gently back into the wild. You’ll never convince me otherwise.

Never, I say!!!!

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