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We get a little weird and start advocating Satanism when we don’t play, but at least we can’t spoil. Except a bit for the final big fight in the Witcher 3 expansion, Blood and Wine.

Butch:

Game wise, I got nothing. Though, technologically, we had a death in the family.

The ex….she’s gone.

She had been having problems with her drivers, and, one last Win10 update happened, and nothing but blue screens. It’s….over. It’s a bittersweet moment.

And now Mrs. McP wants me to get a new one, so I have to go on newegg and best buy and……. It’s like tech tinder. Help.

But now, we have the issue of homework fucking up game time. It just took me 45 minutes to get Jr. to write five “Show, don’t tell” sentences. It doesn’t help that I have no idea how they get taught this, as he has no idea what “imply” means.

It REALLY doesn’t help that he has Mrs. McP’s genes for writing. Very good at stating facts, but they both lack that certain savior faire that it takes to be compelling bloggers. Sad, really.

It’s prolly cuz the webs use hella wack words and take shortcuts with the spells and the rules yo and dont use those dots and squiggles in sentences at all cuz thats just lames yo

I blame us.

Feminina:

My condolences. But this is actually a good chance for you to reassert your new boundaries. While shopping, just make sure you buy the minimum required for Mrs. McP’s needs. A nice, cheap, quiet, stupid machine that won’t be able to tempt you with the lure of “I could run so many PC games for you…”

Or, hey, I’ll sell you my 2006 Mac, cheap! Guaranteed zero game temptation. Even the games that run on Mac won’t run on this one, I promise.

I dread the encroachment of homework on game time. O’Jr.’s current preschool classroom doesn’t send homework (hallelujah, angels singing), but I know that time is rapidly approaching. And then it’s going to be all “well, ‘imply’ means hinting something without coming right out and saying it, like ‘it sure would be nice if someone would finish their homework so I could play this game’ suggests, but does not explicitly state, that somebody should finish their damn homework already so I can play this game.”

I got nothing either, though. I mean, I went back up against the giant vampire robot a couple of times, but nothing came of it. It’s pretty frustrating. My plan is to try one more time, make sure the difficulty level stayed down when I turned it down (I made it through the entire main game and the first expansion on Blood and Broken Bones, but dude, I can’t deal with this vampire), and honestly, if I can’t do it I’m going to have to say screw this and just quit. It’s just making me angry at this point.

Which, returning to our recent discussion of what a ‘game’ is, would be how you lose a big, story-based RPG, suggesting that it is, in fact, a game by your definition.

I don’t know, man. Logically it CANNOT actually be that hard (he’s not a red skull monster, I’ve prepared with all the oils and signs and potions, they wouldn’t have actually designed an impossible final fight), but I just can’t do it. I think it hits my weakness against challenges that involve precise timing, and I can’t deal.

Butch:

Femmy….Femmy….help.

So I went to newegg.com, which is pretty much the bar where I met my ex. I did this for purely economical reasons, as they have good sales. Indeed, they have daily crazy sales, so I click on that and one of the five items is, well…

I mean…. I mean…..

A solid state drive? A sixth gen i7 processor? A 960 vid card? I mean…no really, I’m only interested because it’s on sale…..we buy things that are on sale, right? RIGHT? RIIIIIIIGHT?

And it’s only really for LIGHT gaming. You know. Stuff like Civ 5, Civ 6. Those aren’t games I’d put 400 hours into….not at all….no….. and Jr. would love them! It would mostly be for him….mostly….which is good parenting….right? RIGHT? RIIIIIIIIIGHT?

Must stay strong. It’s for Mrs. McP. Not for me. For her. And she doesn’t game. Right? Right. Right.

Right.

Shouldn’t have gone to newegg. Forgot how pretty things were there….It’s been…..so long…..

As for the game being on easy, Dude I can’t believe that. Even on “Just the Story?” At this point, go “Just the story.” If it stops being fun, then move along.

RotTR doing well, though, waiting for us. That’ll cheer you up.

Homework, though…Oh dude. Just hope your childrens’ skills match your own. Cuz then they’ll have nice, easy math and when you explain writing they’ll be all “That makes PERFECT sense!” and boom.

Me? Yeah…. He’s already in math that’s getting hard for me, and the writing. Not to brag, but writing comes fairly easy to me, and, thus, I have a hard time explaining what he should be doing. I mean, you just DO it. As six year old Jr. once wrote, when asked to show his work on a math problem, “the answer appeared magically in my head.” (He really wrote that.) That “Why aren’t you GETTING this?” He’s so matter of fact. He had to write some “Show, don’t tell” sentences pretending a toy was a character in a story. For example, instead of “Hippo was big. Hippo was sad,” we’re supposed to get “Hippo sat down on a chair that was too small and broke it. When he started to cry, the other animals tried to cheer him up.” Ok, fine.

So it went like this: “So, tell me something about hippo.”

“Hippo likes grass.” “Uh….ok….so how can we get that across without just saying ‘he likes grass?'”

“Hippo eats grass.”

“Uh…. maybe we can try size. Is hippo big or small?”

“Big.”

“Ok, how can we get that across without saying ‘Hippo is big?'”

“Hippo is large.”

“Um….”

Feminina:

Repeat after me: “This computer is not for me. It is for a person who does not play games and will not appreciate any of its game-related features. I should find something cheaper and spend the difference on booze.”

I haven’t tried the ‘watching on YouTube’ trick. I read about it on a forum, but that’s not the same as watching, which might be helpful. And yeah, I did turn it down to Just the Story, but then I reloaded a checkpoint (wanted to re-do my potion setup, not that it helped) and I’m not sure if it stayed turned down. So I need to try again making sure it’s down, and possibly see someone else do it first, and if I can’t put this behind me I think I sadly have to move on before I wind up hating the Witcher and everything it stands for.

Which would be an unfortunate ending to this previously happy relationship. Stupid precise timing boss fights.

And I dread all homework, whether I can help with it or not. Sigh.

It IS hard to explain to a literal-minded person why you’d even want to say something without just saying it, let alone how.

“Look, Hippo is big. We all know it. Why are you complicating this?”

“Um…homework?”

I’m telling you, religious exemption is the way to go. I’ll get in touch with the Satanic Temple and ask if they have a position on this. After all, they were so helpful with the “bible giveaways in school must be accompanied by a Satanic coloring book” issue. (I still love this. Separation of church and state or else, baby.)

And “I couldn’t do my homework because Satan” is going to be a heck of an excuse.

Butch:

Booze! Yes. Booze. Phew. I knew there was something.

I’ll need this again, I’m sure.

Try the youtube thing, and yeah, get out when there’s time. So weird! This game managed to avoid so much of that. I can’t imagine it stayed down to Just the Story. I did that a couple times, and it was really, really easy.

With the homework assignments, though: Exactly! I mean, he has a point.
“So you want me to use 14 words to say something I have already shown you I can say in 3? Why?”
“Uh…because it sounds better.”
“No, it doesn’t. It sounds more complicated, and runs the risk of confusing people.”
“Look, it’s BETTER because it IS BETTER!”
“Whatever, dad.”

Maybe “Accept it is better, or you will make me doubt oh so many of my life choices. Please.”

And really, that’s a homework excuse they’d have to buy. Who wants to fuck with Satan?

By the way, which forums do you do? That’s so not you.

Feminina:

Booze. Sweet, sweet booze. Let it continue to guide your life choices and you cannot go far wrong.

Words rarely spoken.

Nobody messes with Satan! Except, like, exorcists and stuff, but do you really expect a schoolchild to have mastered these skills?

I don’t DO forums, in the sense of posting on them or following them with any regularity: I just read them if they come up in my desperate searches for the wisdom of the internet. Which they often do, because people talk about all kinds of stuff on there.

Butch:

We never pretended to be role models.

Oh, so you’re a start fights in the comments type. Makes sense.

Feminina:

Ha! That would be awesome. I SHOULD start fights in comments. “Hey, dude, that’s totally not how to do that, you really need to be using aard and some moondust bombs and you’ll take care of business without needing to revert to being a loser Just the Story weakling. Also, have some more booze, you seem uptight.”

But no, that would require signing up for membership to said forum, and that’s not going to happen.

I have too many passwords to remember as it is.

Butch:

I always use the same one. But I didn’t used to, so when I go to a site I haven’t been to in a while, forget it. and then you forget the security question answer, it’s a mess.

Just yesterday, I had to use some “sign up genie” or some shit to book a parent teacher conference. I say, man, they’re making me make an account? The fuck. So I go to make an account and it says “an account already exists for this email”. Really? Uh…..and it had a different password. Had to use Mrs. McP’s email. If I forget that next year, we are screwed.

Feminina:

Ugh, I hate that. And I’ve done it. We needed an account with the pediatrician’s office to view test results online, and I wanted it to be something Mr. O’ and I could BOTH use and remember…hahahaha, good luck with that, self.

I obviously came up with something neither of us will ever remember, and have to do a password reset everytime I try to log in, so that’s helpful. I wind up just assuming they’ll call us if the test results aren’t fine (which is pretty much true), and not signing in at all because it’s too much trouble to come up with a new password I’ll never remember everytime the kid goes to the doctor.

I think this is a better system for everyone, honestly.

Butch:

Indeed. All these evites and sign up genies don’t make anything easier. Paper worked.

Feminina:

And then what DOES make it easier is when my computer remembers the password for me, which is great until I try to sign in from a different computer and realize I have absolutely no idea what the password is anymore, so I reset it, and then when I get back to my usual computer it gets all confused and angry and I have to try to remember the NEW password to update it, which of course I can’t….

Paper worked in that we could just give up. “Sorry, must have gotten lost in the mail!” It’s hard to make a good excuse for not doing something you can do online when you’re on the computer 10 hours a day.

“Uh…I’m lazy and forgetful and possibly I hate you?”

Butch:

I still write checks to pay my bills, man. Seems more official. A sense of accomplishment when you sign your name. Old school.

I’d do a signet ring if they still had them.

Damn it, I really should play some games.

Feminina:

Ah, signet rings would be a good time. Heating the wax, stamping the seal…that lets you know you’ve really done something.

Play some games!

I’m counting on you! In a moment of frustration over the weekend, I almost decided to cleanse the vampire off my palate (mmm…vampire) by restarting Life is Strange, but I should just start Tomb Raider in that case.

If I can’t defeat this vampire after making sure the difficulty is way down, I might need to start SOMETHING quick, just to remind me I don’t hate all games.

Stupid vampire.

Butch:

You don’t hate games! You don’t! You LOVE games!

Lara will cheer you up.

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