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Puncherson_64LadyBrain_64

Spoilers for an encounter early on in Rise of the Tomb Raider

Butch:

Hooray! Laptop’s back. And I played a tiny bit!

But not much. When you START a playing session, and you’re so tired it takes you over five minutes and a reload to figure out that you’re supposed to pick up one of the 27 lanterns the game has put around you and chuck it at that pile of wood to keep going, you’re not going to do much. (Yes, I had to reload. This is how I started.)

But I got a gun. And found the dude they were torturing that you mentioned the other day. That was a tad cold. Killed them dudes, couldn’t help the guy, found that first locked door, which I couldn’t open, did the bit in the garage, laughed at the fact that you can learn Russian from reading Soviet propaganda “murals,” found a campsite, hit save.

Not half bad, considering I was brain dead.

But I have this fear I missed something: So that garage. Bad guy pokes that dude’s eyes out (this bad guy is a BAD guy), and he’s lying there. I kill all his pals, and I get to the bit where you have to chuck a lantern to blow up the gas tank and get out, and there he is. He’s there, all talking, and he shows up when you do instincts, and he looks for all the world like you can talk to him or do something or SOMETHING but damned if I know what. So I walked around him for a while, and I pondered a while, and then said “fuck it” and chucked a lantern and that must’ve killed him cuz he was gone after that.

So was that something I was supposed to do something with? Cuz I didn’t.

I do like how Lara was all “Another crazy religious zealot? Comes with the territory…I guess….”

Sure, does, Lara. Sure does.

Feminina:

Wow, that IS tired.

If it helps, it took me two entire playing sessions to figure out what the heck a certain screen tip was trying to tell me. “Why does it keep saying that every time I get to this area? And how do I get to this marker point I can’t seem to reach?”

And the game keeps saying, “um. Try the…thing…with the tip…never mind, you just wandered off again.”

I played a tiny bit as well. Some stealth murdering, then some “OK, just whack ’em with an ice axe” murdering when I got spotted. Lots of bandaging. I think I’m going to need that “faster bandaging on the run” skill soon.

Got a bigger gun. Died in that fight. Will get it again next time I play.

That’s about it. I do kind of like how your Survival Instincts tell you whether or not anyone can see the dude you’re thinking of murdering. Helps with the stealthing.

Butch:

Yeah. I was in that room, and I couldn’t climb, or get up the ramp, and I was really starting to think I had a game breaking bug. I didn’t.

I was proud that I took out three dudes from stealth IN THE GARAGE. It’s helpful that they will take time to go “huh?” and pause and look when they find a fallen colleague even when it’s OBVIOUS the killer must behind the ONLY BOX IN THAT PART OF THE ROOM.

So you didn’t talk to eye guy?

Feminina:

No…like you, I felt as if maybe there was something to be done with him, but he seemed to die in the blast when I threw the lantern at the leaking gas, so I never got a chance to try anything. He was probably just a doomed dude. I wonder if we could have just left him there, alive and moaning about his eyes? And would that be better or worse than just killing him?

I mean, I’m sure he would rather be blind than dead if asked, and losing your eyes is bad but not fatal, so on the surface it’s an easy question morally: he was no threat to us at that point, so we should have just left him.

Still, considering no one is there to help him, and probably no one will be alive within a thousand miles of the place once we get through with this adventure, so he’ll probably just freeze to death in pain…would that be a kindness?

I guess if we’d asked him he would probably have said “please, just leave me alone!” or maybe “toss me some bandages!”

Meh. I didn’t kill him on purpose, so I haven’t violated my general policy of not killing people who aren’t actively trying to kill me unless they’re Junior.

Butch:

Oh, see, I was selfishly hoping for some kind of useful interaction, like, “As revenge for him blinding me and leaving me to die, I will tell you, random person who I cannot see who just killed everyone exactly three minutes too late to help me, where some treasure/weakness/secret entrance is!” Because that shit happens, man! It HAPPENS!

Maybe he was just bitter. Sitting there thinking “If she hadn’t spent those five minutes thinking the game had glitched, none of this would have happened! My secrets die with me.”

Feminina:

Yeah, it would have been pretty cool if he could have told you something helpful if you were nice to him. Told you about a relic you’d otherwise never find, or something. There could have been a secret trophy for doing a good deed!

I guess we’ll never know.

Butch:

Oh man, there likely was a trophy. Damn.

Or maybe the trick was to shoot him. Maybe we’re too nice.

Feminina:

Too nice, or not nice enough. Whatever we were supposed to do, we probably messed it up.

Siiiiiigh.

Do I need to dial my bloodthirstiness UP or DOWN? This is the question that will haunt me.

Butch:

T SHIRT!!!!!

Been too long since we had a T SHIRT!!!!!

Must be almost Friday.

Though we already played the nudity card days ago.

I did manage to get a couple of screenshots showing on the fantabulous hair.

Feminina:

The nudity card is timeless, though. You can’t overplay it. At least, not according to the internet’s standards.

Butch:

God bless the internet. I’m so proud to be a part of it.

Speaking of which, did they ever figure out who was screwing up the internet a couple of weeks ago?

Feminina:

Russian hackers? I haven’t heard.

Butch:

I do note:

Our blog was fine that whole day.

Take that, Russia!

Feminina:

Nice try, Russia, but you clearly don’t know where the real power is in this country.

If by ‘power’ one means ‘wordy game-chatter and random references to nudity.’

Butch:

We. Shall. Endure.

Feminina:

I feel quite competent to deal with Russian hackers based on what I’ve learned from translating Soviet propaganda murals recently. (Boom! Tied it back to the game! Everything is relevant!)

Butch:

I, too, have learned exotic languages by figuring out what murals say.

It’s amazing how often I come to the conclusion they say “This needs more nudity.”

Feminina:

A universal complaint, that: it transcends language, culture, and time. Someday the hackers will understand this, and then there will be more peace and harmony and fewer clothes in the world.

And more frostbite in New England (and Siberia), but that’s the price we pay.

My god, it IS prematurely Friday, isn’t it?

Butch:

Hey, it wasn’t easy getting it there today.

But we gotta do what we gotta do.

Feminina:

We’re dedicated. That’s why the Russian hackers will never stop us.

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