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Puncherson_64LadyBrain_64

Minor spoilers for points in Rise of the Tomb Raider

Butch:

No laptop which sucks cuz I did a ton.

Lit the spire, did that harrowing fight. Having to slog and swim and get slowed down while you hear the copters and the yelling was great. Got the shotgun, love it. Got all sorts of killed by flamethrower guy, but won. Did a pesky little optional tomb with rafts. You do that? Then found a campsite where Lara was remembering her dad and a history test and stopped.

Good session! Beats cutting down rabbits. Need more of this.

Is this where you stopped to do croft manor?

Feminina:

Yeah, slogging slowly toward that fight was effective. Shotgun obviously awesome. Flamethrower guy was a bastard, but in the end no match for my persistence and ability to reload time. (Speaking of guys who are bastards, the ones with the big shields that you occasionally meet? Best trick ever is to get them to walk on a poisoned body. Love that. The whole poisoning-bodies bit is fairly grotesque, but hey…it can be effective, and I’ve got a murder quota to meet, you know.)

I did do the optional tomb with rafts, and that campsite where she reminisces about her father is exactly where I stopped and did the Croft Manor bit. “Let’s reminisce some more!” I said.

Which come to think of it might be a good option for you too, since it’s fairly short but interesting and may take you to next week without leaving you in the middle of some tense battle when company comes. Or you could just wait…there’s one reference that places the Croft Manor stuff after she went to Syria, and this is OK because I assume she did it after coming back from Syria but before going to Siberia, but it could just as easily work if you play it that she waited until the end of the main game. Other than that one reference, there’s not really anything in it that makes it relevant to one part of the game or another.

Butch:

I knew it! We do know each other well. I’ll give the manor a shot.

I died as many times in that tomb as I did with flamethrower guy.

Did you find the document that was all “why would people desecrate our dead for a few coins?” Twist the knife, game.

Feminina:

Yes. I did find that document.

“Um…well…you see…I really need an upgrade for my shotgun! The better to, uh, pursue truth and justice and stuff.

Don’t think of it as desecration, think of it as me respectfully thanking the dead for holding onto these coins for me, in order that I may help their descendants survive this terrible time.”

[Slinks away guiltily, still clutching the coins.]

Butch:

Guilt is powerful, man. All they really need. They put up some magic guardian, some impossibly complex trap, we don’t at an eyelash at taking their stuff. But a passive aggressive note? We bat.

Take anyway, but bat.

Feminina:

Challenging guardians and traps just make it worse, really. Once we’ve battled/puzzled/climbed our way through them, we fell ENTITLED to the stuff.

“Hey, I worked for this! It’s mine now!”

They’d be better off leaving it completely out in the open with a passive aggressive note. As you say, we’d take it anyway, but we’d feel a lot worse about it.

And in the end, that’s all they can really hope for, isn’t it?

They can’t kill us, because we’ll just reload. They can’t keep us away from their stuff, because we’re determined. The most they could possibly do is make us feel bad about our decisions and perhaps question our life choices.

When I’m buried with treasure (ha! because we’re going to amass a lot of treasure with this blogging thing!), I’m going with guilt trips over giant guardians, all the way.

“Suuuuuuure, fine. Take it. Desecrate my humble grave, disturb my well-deserved peaceful rest. Ignore all those social conventions about respect for the dead. If you REALLY NEED these pathetic material goods, fine.”

Butch:

Who needs magic samurai when you have Jewish grandmothers?

T SHIRT!

Wait…..we’re not getting rich off blogging?

Feminina:

I thought YOU were getting rich off blogging. I was going to get rich off T shirt and lingerie sales.

Butch:

Cold, dude. Cold.

Our shirt and lingerie empire will be big enough to share.

We’ll have some bitching tombs for sure.

Feminina:

All right, all right, we’ll share. Plus, there’s the whole pear brandy subsidiary.

People who rob our tombs will feel very guilty about it.

Butch:

Speaking of lingerie, this game ever gonna get someplace warm?

Feminina:

Not that I’ve seen, but I’m only a couple of fights ahead of you at this point. I mean, we are at least in a place where everything isn’t covered with snow, which is a nice change of scenery, but I wonder if that’s not going to be as warm as it gets.

Hey, we HAD warm. We had Syria. The first game was just a boat and Yamatai: we should be grateful we got to get warm at all.

Butch:

Syria was pretty short.

I maintain: the tank top is vital to Lara. No tank top is batman without the mask.

She used to wear shorts, too. Way back in the day.

Just saying.

Feminina:

Maybe her next adventure will be in the tropics. For now, at least they’re avoiding the relentless mockery we’d be heaping upon the game if she were in fact wearing a tank top and shorts in Siberia. We have to give them props for climate-appropriate clothing.

I’m trying to remember if she wears a tank top while exploring Croft Manor, but drawing a blank. The issue is clearly not as important to me as it is to you.

Butch:

I’m still rocking the infiltrator outfit.

I reserve the right to have my own agendas. Especially as you have that one that I am so not bringing up for the fourth day in a row.

Feminina:

Oh come on, you’re on a roll!

I’m not challenging your agenda–just saying I don’t share it and therefore can’t be sure whether I should be encouraging you to get to Croft Manor ASAP or not.

Hmm…no, I checked the internet. No tank top.

But, you know, feel free to check it out for story content or whatever.

Butch:

Sigh. JUST story content.

I’m starting to feel your pain.

Feminina:

It is very painful pain. Most people wouldn’t understand. They think we’re only in it for the murdering and looting, but they do us a grave disservice. We’re complex people with complex needs!

Butch:

Very complex.

You’d be amazed how hard it is to type “sorceress” on a mobile keyboard.

Feminina:

It is hard, isn’t it? People should have a lot more sympathy for our plight than they do. Which is probably zero.

People are cruel and heartless.

Butch:

We shall continue our fight.

We’re too bored not to.

That and I find myself spending far less time reading the news, and I have to do something.

Feminina:

I’m spending just as much time reading the news, but I need to stop, because it’s just making me miserable and terrified.

Play more games! Shut out the dystopian nightmare future.

At least until it’s time to emerge and start looting and building settlements.

Butch:

Bring on the end! We’ve been prepping for it for years. Dark spawn, supermutants, clickers, we’re good. Soon, we’ll even be ready for robot dinosaurs.

I wish this was funny.

Feminina:

It’s funny ’cause it’s true!

No, wait…you’re right, it’s not funny.

Siiiiiiigh.

Butch:

That’s it. Gonna cheer up with some morrrigan screenshots.

Which I totally do not have on my phone.

Cuz I totally did not back up my screenshots to amazon.

Heh.

Hey look! Over there! A pie!

Feminina:

Pie?! Where?

I want pie!

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