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Puncherson_64LadyBrain_64

Some minor spoilers for Day of the Tentacle. We also name Butch’s children and talk about food.

Butch:

All I got is Tentacle. I’m enjoying it. It isn’t great art, but it’s not bad, these days, to laugh at doom and our founding fathers and stuff. Seems timely.

There are some funny bits. I like Hoagie. And I got a trophy called “And now the universe ends….” for trying to mix regular and decaf coffee.

It does have its depressing moments, though. One that stands out is having to find a blank VHS tape to put into a VCR. Now, you’re going to think this is depressing because my kids had no earthly idea what a VHS tape and a VCR are, but that was ok. I was expecting that. What I WASN’T expecting was that they could NOT get their heads around needing a tape, or a disc, or ANYTHING to record something. The entire idea of physical recording or, get this, FILM, was totally alien.

I am not bragging here, I am merely stating facts: My child once told his teacher he wanted to go to MIT, and, if he didn’t get in there, UC Santa Barbara. When asked why UCSB, he said “Because the guy’s there that invented the Quantum computer [true].” So she asked what that was, and he told her. Accurately.

This same child could not GRASP the idea of needing a TAPE to do….ANYTHING.

Quantum computer? Oh sure….no sweat…. Tape?

Totally. Alien.

Feminina:

I ain’t got nothin.’ Didn’t play nothin.’ Don’t know nothin’ about no yellow box.

That is indeed a strange mental shift–that it is no longer possible to conceptually grasp how analog recording works. (But quantum, well, that’s perfectly straightforward.) Kids these days!

I’m telling you, cryptography classes. We’re going to need them to build the quantum-encoded secure communication channels on which the Resistance is coordinated.

Butch:

I’m convinced Jr’s halfway there. Jr’s about to achieve some sort of quantum technology singularity with the matrix or some shit. He’ll probably get there by middle school.

But that analog conversation reminded me of the time I pointed to the “phone” icon on my, well, phone and asked my boys why that was the picture on it. There was a long pause, and then “I don’t know……”

“What is that thing? Phones are flat rectangles!”

I’m not even going to ask them why they click on that……thing…..to save a document.

But on old school tech, I stumbled into the minigame where you could play the original Maniac Mansion as a minigame within Tentacle. Now, I actually HAD that game on the Commodore 64 when it came out ten million eons ago. I played it. I have vague memories of liking both it, and the action of PLAYING it. So I fucked around with the minigame for a time, and, very quickly, wondered why I liked games then, and stuck with them to this point.

DAMN they were annoying.

I guess the action ones were less so. I didn’t really get into the story ones until Fallout. Maybe Bard’s Tale. But I digress.

This shift from you being ahead and me being the one who’s all “I got nothing, I’m never finishing this game” is starting to creep me out, man. The universe is completely out of whack.

Feminina:

The universe IS out of whack!

I’ll depend on your kids to figure out that whole…singularity thingie…and save the world. Mine are busy with Octonauts and chewing on things.

Butch:

Well, your kids are younger. Jr’s in fourth grade. Nowadays, it pretty much goes right from Disney Jr. to technological singularity. Has something to do with STEM curricula and MCAS.

Baby boy (who needs a new code name, what with turning four next week and all) is still in the Dora/chewing phase.

He’s also in the coughing like he has TB phase, as germs DO seem to go through phone lines. I blame you.

Feminina:

Hey, you can’t blame me for phone line germs. We never talk on the phone. I’m not even sure I remember what your voice sounds like.

Must have been your mom.

Four, eh? They do grow up. O’Jr. is going to be 5. He’ll be in kindergarten this fall. I expect homework about the singularity very soon.

New code name…hm…we could really rename both your younger kids. Jr. is classic, but Middle, while descriptive, doesn’t have much of a ring to it.

Or if you like Middle, then maybe just call former-Baby Younger or Youngest, to continue the theme?

Butch:

I no longer speak. I type and I yell at the kids.

Probably was mom. I’ll blame her.

I really should have given them awesome code names before. But we weren’t DOING this then. It was so long ago…..

Feminina:

Yeah, we weren’t planning ahead on the code names. Just grabbed at ‘Jr.’ because it was obvious and then stumbled on down the list.

Grigio was the first one we actually thought about, and that’s because we were already blogging when he showed up.

But you used to call them Nugget and…what was the other one?

Butch:

Oh right! Nugget and Meatball! We could go there. I haven’t called Middle Nugget in a while, as he got tall and see your ribs thin and less nuggetlike. But we’ll go with that.

Feminina:

Butch Jr., Nugget and Meatball it is! The McPuncherson Trio!

Got a skinny one, eh?

Butch:

The joke (or IS it?) is that poor Nugget sits at the head of the table, flanked by his massive brothers, at every meal. He’s got to defend both his flanks from predators.

Actually, it’s probably because Jr. is the world’s fastest eater, he finishes, and Nugget wants to play with him, and leaves his damn food behind.

Feminina:

That’s no joke! That’s a life-or-death situation!

Or else, as you say, it’s preferring play to food. Which is all very well if you have two massive brothers to defend you…why bother eating and growing massive yourself? Use that time for play!

Butch:

But….food is….good…..

Feminina:

You and I know this, but Nugget, with the impetuousness of youth, has not yet figured it out. He’ll come around.

Wait until he hits puberty. You’re going to be spending about $9,000 a week on food.

On second thought, maybe encourage this whole “play is more important” thing.

“You want to go tag walls with your hoodlum friends instead of having dinner with us? Right on! Junior already finished your share anyway.”

Butch:

Yeah, my grocery budget is already nuts. My MILK budget is already nuts, and yes, you know me well enough to know I get the cheapy store brand. Those dudes who buy the seven dollar a gallon stuff at whole foods must buy nothing else.

I might just start trying to catch the animals that run through my yard. They eat so much so fast they won’t care.

“No….that’s not skunk…it’s….um….veal….yeah…..”

Feminina:

Skunk is probably very nutritious. Must be. They eat pretty much everything, which means all kinds of valuable nutrients must be concentrated in their rich, flavorful meat.

Probably.

Here’s a recipe: The Old Foodie

Butch:

Dats nazty.

Though I do have a recipe for squirrel and oyster stew. For real. It was in this old Cajun cookbook I got at a yard sale for 50 cents.

No oysters in the yard, though.

Got a groundhog. Some deer. They’re tasty. And maybe we’ll have more turkeys than usual…….

This might work……

Feminina:

No oysters? Well, if the sea level rises enough…

Butch:

Might be a crawdad or two in the river….

Though that’s so polluted it once turned the change in my pocket black. Seriously.

Though that probably adds to the taste of crawdad.

Feminina:

Eww. But, uh, yeah, just adds to that wild-caught, ‘gamy’ flavor!

You try it. I’ll be harvesting cattails nearby. Also polluted, obviously, but less gamy.

Butch:

Those are home to rare red wing blackbirds!

You monster.

Feminina:

Uh…sustainable harvesting! I’ll only take one tail in 50! I swear! And I totally won’t step on any birds’ nests as I go.

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