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Puncherson_64LadyBrain_64

No spoilers, except for the main character’s name in Horizon Zero Dawn, if you care about that

Butch:

So now I want it to be Feb 28th, not just because we’ll be eight days closer to the end of Trump and I’ll be past more of kid birthday season, but because it looks like HZD is very, very good.

Remember how I was all “Hype gives me hope?” Well, they lifted the review embargo eight days before release, and the reviews are good. Currently sitting at 88 on metacritic (even TW3 was 89, cuz haters gonna hate), and it sounds right up our alley. Long, good story, great characters, good acting.

About. Fucking. Time.

I could use this.

In terms of things I’m playing right now, I continue to have nothing. I have been reduced to checking to see if HZD has shipped.

At least the ratings are funny. Rated T for “Alcohol and Tobacco reference” and “Mild sexual themes.”

What is a “Mild sexual theme?” I wanna know.

“Hey dude, remember that time in college when you had a sip of wine and hugged that guy? Wild times man…..Rated T times…..”

Feminina:

“I think I actually touched that guy’s knee! It was so sexually themed, in a totally mild, Parents-of-Teens-Approved way.”

I have very little. I wandered a bit. Solved like one puzzle.

Stared at the three hanging gourds opposite the three panels on either side of that temple-looking place for far too long without making any sense of them. Wandered away.

Eagerly awaiting news that HZD has shipped. Could use a big game with a story not entirely based on the speculation in my own head. Not that this isn’t deep and themey and all, but…one likes a change of pace. After Rapture and Dear Esther and now the Witness, I’m starting to feel a tiny bit burnt out on suggestive vagueness and eerie mystery.

Butch:

Right there with you. And I admire your stick-to-itiveness. I played The Witness with several long breaks (indeed, taking one now). You’ve just gone full throttle. Time for a break, I agree.

Especially now that we know HZD is good. It has gotten very universally good reviews. I’m into it.

Plus LONG. Reviewers are saying it’s taking them 55,60 hours to plow through the main story, which, for us, is, maybe a 398472598 hour game.

Cruel of them to allow reviews eight days ahead of launch, knowing that we’ll just wear out hitting refresh on the package tracking page for NO REASON cuz it won’t be here for a week no matter what.

Feminina:

Long is good. We can do long. I mean, it’s MOSTLY good. We’re going to have Mass Effect: Andromeda hanging over our shoulders whispering to us to hurry up, but for the most part long is good.

As long as it’s not all shards and junk, I mean, but it’s doubtful people would be that excited about it if it were.

Butch:

People say it’s not shards kind of long. Good kind of long. Finding stuff actually matters, fleshes out story, etc.

And ME ain’t going anywhere. We’ll know we have many many months covered. Your problem will be keeping your spouse away from ME and spoiling.

One thing on this ‘long’ I found interesting: there’s a pretty good consensus that the main story is just as, if not more compelling than the side quests. Weren’t we talking about how that’s rare?

Feminina:

We have talked about that. On various occasions, I think. Certainly with Fallout 4 not that long ago…

Butch:

Indeed. This might have good bloggage past “HOLYSHITROBOTDINOSAURS!”

I am officially excited.

Feminina:

It’s going to be awesome! I sure hope.

Butch:

I was hoping before, but now I’m pretty convinced. 88 on metacritic 78 reviews in. Plus Patty Hernandez at Kotaku is usually pretty spot on.

Plus ROBOT DINOSAURS!

Feminina:

I am pretty excited about something big that’s also completely new. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love me some franchise games, but coming to something brand new with which we have no history whatsoever–that’s always good for some thrill of discovery.

Butch:

Man, I can’t remember the last time I played a big, AAA game that was a new universe. I had played Witcher games, Tomb Raider games… I guess AC4 was new to me….

You, at least, got to meet Geralt’s world for the first time with TW3. But, as much as I love those games, that world wasn’t THAT unfamiliar. Swords, spells, hot sorceresses, etc. I’m not complaining, but it certainly wasn’t robot dinosaur new.

I’m also glad that MEA is in a “new” place. It ISN’T ME4. It seems to have enough ME to make people like us happy, but still have enough new to be…well…new.

I am hyped.

Feminina:

It’s true, the Witcherverse was new to me, but not new in the sense that I’d never seen anything like it. Robot dinosaurs has a high novelty factor, for sure. If it also turns out to have other good features like story, character, etc.? So much the better!

Butch:

Amen!

And it seems to. So nice.

Where’d you get yours, Amazon?

Feminina:

Amazon all the way. Points! So many points!

And free Prime shipping! I’m so easily bought.

Butch:

Figures.

I did Best Buy. Cuz coupons.

We’ll compare useless pre-order bonuses.

Feminina:

We will. But we both know that if it doesn’t come with a figurine of a limbless, headless, bikini-clad woman’s torso, it’s basically meaningless.

Butch:

Wow. Extreme callback to a game we didn’t play. Props.

It’ll probably just be a costume for Aloy. That’s the main character, you know. Or multiplayer points but OH WAIT! This game HAS no multiplayer! How novel!

Feminina:

[checking the calendar to see if it’s next week yet]

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