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Minor spoilers for Horizon Zero Dawn


Sometimes you think you’re too tired to play. Sometimes, you think you’re too tired to play, but your wife isn’t home and you’ve made dinner already so you say, “What the fuck, I’ll try to play. I’m at a simple part. All I have to do is follow the war chief and listen.” So you boot it up, the game starts, there goes the war chief….

And you fall off a cliff IN LESS THAN A SECOND. Seriously. Less than a second. She said two words. TWO.

So you try again. You cross that snowy log. Then you fall off the SECOND CLIFF.

I didn’t get much done.


See, I was expecting an inspiring story of how sometimes you think you’re too tired to play, but then when you get into it, the adrenaline rush of ROBOT DINOSAURS takes over and you discover you weren’t that tired after all!–but no.

Good twist. Just like this game.


Ok, I kid, I kid. I did do some stuff after I got my hands back. I went with Sona the place and did the fight. Took forever, because I knew I was playing like shit, and wanted to be careful, but I did it, and did it without dying once. Then talked, found out about the metal ring, found a campfire, quit.

I gotta say….I was worried that there were gonna be dino fights, and dude fights. I didn’t see how dinos and dudes would co-exist. But that fight was awesome. The combination of tactics of the monsters and the dudes was so very cool. Again, something we’ve done many a time…hide, wait, sneak, snipe…but different.

So eventually we’ll have to talk about mother imagery. Eventually we should also talk about how many strong characters of color there are in this game. Ok, it took shit for use of “brave,” but c’mon. This is the most diverse game we’ve played in….ever.


Well, that’s a relief.

I didn’t play at all, so even if you’d only accomplished falling off a log you’d be ahead of me on that measure, but even better if you did some stuff.

That was a decent fight. Good hiding and sneaking. Those dinosaurs are extra creepy with the roiling red corruption lines snaking off them, and having them be poisonous is an interesting touch. Watchers aren’t very dangerous anymore at this point…but add poison and suddenly you want to be a little careful with them again.

And yeah, they do have a good diversity of characters. A bit like pretty much any Bethesda game you could mention, because you always have to shout out to Bethesda for that, but with prettier people.

I dunno, Bethesda can do beautiful landscapes and scenery, but the people, even in FO4 where they were definitely better, always look kind of…murky, or something. Not like here in HZD, with its brilliant technicolor.


Hardly. Here’s how bad I STILL was: After that fight, you had to follow the trail of blaze, right? Find that recording? Well, it was a short trail, and I was standing on top of the recording and didn’t see it, so I thought I had to climb up or something, and jumped a bunch and somehow got caught behind the hut thingy and couldn’t get out and had to go back to the save point.

I got caught behind a hut.

It was like that.

And the poison–That and they’re stronger! For a while there, one good shot into the eye and BOOM down they went. I eventually got seen because I had a watcher all lined up, hit it in the eye and….it didn’t die. Not even half gone. Just pissed it off.

Though on the getting seen front, the laugh of last night: I go in, I stealth kill a dude. I hide. I hear a dude be all “SOMEONE’S KILLING US!” Actual words. He investigates, he stares at the body of his dead friend, he yells a couple of things, and then he says “Must’ve been nothing.” Dude, you just stared at the CORPSE OF YOUR DEAD FRIEND. And now “Must’ve been nothing?”

C’mon, future Kevin, make an effort.

Bethesda always has weird character models. Always.

Probably good they don’t have nudity.


Ha! “He was probably dead when I talked to him this morning and I just didn’t notice. Either that or it just happened and the killer’s still around here somewhere…naw.”

Oh man…stuck behind a hut sucks. The landscape IS a bit rough and full of potential sticking points n some places. I haven’t gotten trapped yet, but I have definitely fallen into some tight spaces between rocks or whatever that I think weren’t really supposed to be spaces you could get into, and had to do some furious jumping to get out.


I, too, have fallen into places that require furious jumping. I think it’s the nature of open world games.