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Puncherson_64LadyBrain_64

Minor early-game spoilers for Mass Effect: Andromeda

Butch:

Ok, today’s the day. Today’s the day I get back to playing games. I THINK I remember how. X is jump? Down on the cross is scan? Or something?

Who cares, I just want to date everyone.

Of course, I haven’t slept in ages cuz of this cough, I’m gooned on mucinex (which really doesn’t help you sleep at all), and I forget how controllers work, so I’ll likely be terrible, but one does what one must.

Leliana’s got a universe to save!

Feminina:

I’m kind of sad you didn’t actually just name her Leliana. That would have been pretty fantastic.

Good luck with the controller. You’re going to do great.

I didn’t play anything.

Butch:

Cheetos, man. Grigio needs to let you play.

Feminina:

Amazon delivers giant bags of Cheetos, right?

Of course right!

Butch:

I was gonna play but I slept instead.

We’re pathetic.

Feminina:

Damn. We ARE pathetic.

Siiigh. Maybe tonight! Load the baby up with Cheetos and I’m on it!

Man, now I want Cheetos.

Butch:

Ok, to salvage some dignity, I played! Badly, but I played!

Some thoughts!

On the load screen, the music there, the first interval (da..daaaa) is exactly the same as DAI. For real.

Man oh man oh man this game is not going to be good for people like you who just HAVE to magpie. Little hollow hexagons all OVER the damn place. Even in what I think is still the tutorial! I still don’t know how to heal!

How do you heal?

And is there a way to access the map without the options menu?

Or a way to holster the gun without the weapon wheel?

See, I don’t know any of this and I did, I think, FOUR optional quests!

This game is going to drive you nuts, isn’t it?

If you ever buy cheetos.

Feminina:

Nice!

You heal by walking near a ‘health kit,’ the same way you collect ammunition by walking near an ‘ammo box.’ (That took some getting used to. Looting–even just ammo–doesn’t seem real if I don’t have to hit X!) And sometimes there’s not a health kit around. But that’s the only way I know to do it, other than fleeing back to the ship.

I do not know how to access the map other than through Options, but let me know if you find one, because it’s kind of annoying.

I believe you can holster a weapon by pressing the touch pad, though. (Which in some other games would bring up the map, so all kinds of confusion here.)

I am already worked up about the hollow hexagons everywhere, although I soothe my compulsivity by saying “it’s probably in an area that’s too dangerous for me right now, so I’ll get it later.” (Some of them, indeed, have been too dangerous, mostly in terms of environmental hazards, so I’m telling the truth!

How do you feel about mining from the Nomad? I’m not a huge fan. I mean, I don’t hate it, but I can’t seem to care about it, even though Sam has to mention it EVERY SINGLE TIME we get somewhere with minerals.

Wait, have you been in the Nomad? Am I spoiling? I promise it’s nothing important, if so.

Butch:

No, no nomad yet. As I said, played badly. And I just HAD to explore alien ruins, find greer, check on that other guy…

Plus I died a couple of times, and I had to reload a couple of times cuz I told my friend to go to a place somehow and couldn’t figure out how to tell him to stop it and he just stood there like a damn statue. I did that in the other games, too. Silly feature.

I’m so with you on the looting! I kept thinking “Did I get it? I got it. Wait, did I get it?” and running around it like a crazy person. X you know. You GOT it, cuz you hit a button to get it.

I guess I haven’t found a health kit.

The hexagons. The hexagons will haunt your soul.

Feminina:

Well, you know ME always has a thing you drive, and the Nomad is the thing you drive in this game.

And of course you had to explore and check on that guy and so forth! It’s what you do! I’ve only completed about 6 side quests so far because I’m constantly being distracted by picking up other side quests. As one does.

I see the hexagons in my dreams…taunting me…

Butch:

You can’t NOT pick them up! I mean, it was bad enough that Aloy couldn’t say no. Here, you just get within 100 yards of them and BOOM. Now THAT’S an inability to say no.

And that they all say “optional” is just taunting. Like we really have an option. Psychologically, I mean.

Feminina:

Exactly. I mean, what’s our REAL option here?

Try to ignore the quest lines in our journal while they drive us slowly mad? I think not.

Butch:

Especially as we know that, at times, you need to complete those side quests to get laid, which is, really, the point of all bioware games.

Feminina:

Yes! They taunt us with the knowledge that missing one of those side quests COULD potentially do damage to our overarching goal of getting into the pants of the most attractively brooding and angsty character we can find.

THEY KNOW OUR WEAKNESS.

Butch:

Or the one that looks like Morrigan.

Or…OOO…the one that’s voiced by the same actress who did Cait in FO4. I wound up with her, you know.

So many options….

I love bioware.

Feminina:

So much.

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