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Some unexpected story spoilers for Horizon Zero Dawn, as well as minor early game discussion of Mass Effect: Andromeda and some tiny throwaway mentions of characters in Dragon Age: Origins and Fallout New Vegas. Be warned!

Butch:

Well, I got nothing new. Nugget has been very good this week, so he got King’s Quest, which remains very good. But no more shooting grumpy aliens.

This must be tough for you. The bad guys I’ve met so far have been rather gravel voiced, bony dudes. You must feel that every fight is seven or eight love interests you’ll never get to meet.

Going to try to get some in today, as it is rainy, and Junior and Meatball seem to be getting the coughing awfulness that I STILL HAVE (haven’t slept in days…getting loopy) so it’s a stay in kind of day.

This cold sucks.

Feminina:

I played some. Cheetos worked! Ha. Not really Cheetos, but he went to sleep anyway, so whatever.

I drove around, looked at things, talked to people, accepted quests I’ll get around to pursuing someday.

The kett ARE appealingly hideous, but like robot dinosaurs, they aren’t openly angsty enough for me. Everything’s just shoot shoot shoot with those guys. No brooding, no dark pasts, no moldy flag obsessions.

BOR-ing.

Now someday when we meet that one brooding monologuing one, I’m all over it.

Butch:

Why do I have a feeling there’s gonna be a lot of driving around looking at things?

Really, this is like “Mass Effect: House hunting.” What about here? Nah, too many mutants. Here? Hmm. That poison smoke might not be good for the kids. Here? Not bad, but that third bedroom is kinda small.

And to think that’s all the hordes of baddies need. Lavender would be such a failure.

I can see it now: Kevins being all “Hey, with these awesome puce ensembles we’re totally cool. No one will think we’re bad guys. We’ll just mosey on by her and….wait….why is she making out with that sawtooth that was reading Sartre before? Why are they BOTH attacking me?”

Feminina:

Poor Kevin. Nothing ever makes sense to Kevin. Kevin doesn’t understand true love, or whatever.

Butch:

Dude, I don’t understand you and love, either.

I make perfect sense. Cute, British lesbians. Or Chloe.

Feminina:

Or whatever.

Butch:

Hey, all I’m saying is, with the notable (and hard to understand) exception of Garrus, you generally pick the least popular romantic option. Shit, they had to toss in a (totally informational) naked pose of the PC to even make screwing Blackwall worthwhile.

Well, maybe Allistair was more popular than Zevran. But not by much.

Feminina:

Alistair was TOTALLY the popular option. He was a golden-haired prince, for heaven’s sake! Zevran was the roguish bad boy, it’s true, but he came along so much later in the game…I bet Alistair got a lot more romance.

Also, I romanced everyone in Fallout 4, so…popular and not-popular both. Also moody, not-moody, cute, not-cute. EVERYONE MUST LOVE ME!

I’ll give you Bennie in New Vegas, but that wasn’t exactly romance. Can a lady not have a one night stand with a sleazy guy who once shot her and left her for dead without everyone getting all dreamy-eyed and picking out clothes for the wedding?

It kind of depends on the game, I guess.

Butch:

Hey, that time in college you had that fling with the sleazy guy that shot you and left you for dead I was totally non-judgemental. Hippie liberal arts college, that wasn’t even close to the strangest thing I saw.

Yeah, Zevran appeared on the scene too late. If you’re an NPC that’s going to get any, you have to be there in act one.

Unless the game doesn’t really LET you flirt in any way, like Horizon. I mean, I met Petra late, and, had I committed by then, I would have been so disappointed, but, as it now stands, I hope she’s in the sequel.

If you know what I mean.

Feminina:

It’s true. You didn’t judge. You understood that sometimes people just have needs and/or morbid curiosity. I appreciate that.

And I know what you mean. Petra was a charmer. Also, her being a smith, I’m sure she has strong, skilled hands…and so forth.

Butch:

Plus she rocked a work apron that accentuated her charms.

Feminina:

And I bet she’d always be doing sweet things like making you a better giant gun and leaving it on your pillow as a surprise. A total keeper.

Butch:

I agree.

Erand, it was fun while it lasted.

I’m sure he’ll take it well. He seemed emotionally stable.

Feminina:

He’ll probably stay drunk for a month and then move on. Now isn’t a good time for him to be starting a relationship anyway–he needs to deal with his sister’s death-wait-she’s-not-dead-oh-wait-now-she-definitely-is.

Avad too. WAY too soon for him to try moving on. He also needs to grieve Ersa properly.

Butch:

Plus dating kings always seems like a good idea but it isn’t. You have to be second fiddle even if you’re the cloned chosen one, and I bet he has to wear that big plastic headdress all the time.

All. The. Time.

Feminina:

Yeah. I don’t see Aloy standing for that.

Any of that.

I mean, they’ll still be friends, and she’ll stop by when she’s in the neighborhood, and maybe he can throw some institutional support her way if she needs to build a research facility or something, but romance would just get too awkward.

“Why weren’t you at the state banquet? I needed your moral support!”

“Sorry, poking around in ruins and fighting thunderjaws. Lost track of time.”

Man…that’s how much we liked that game, that we’re still talking about it even though it’s been weeks and we’re now playing something else.

Butch:

What’s funny (and, probably educational) is that we weren’t all that pumped to play it in the first place. We ordered it because “Well, there isn’t anything else, really, and maybe robot dinosaurs will be cool.”

And we wound up loving the hell out of it.

It’s been true of a couple things of late: Everybody’s Gone to the Rapture, Gone Home, that sort of thing. Sure, we’ll play our sequels, but we seem pretty happy when we take chances on stuff that isn’t predictably good.

It’s why I got that Tales from Borderlands, and Until Dawn, and things like that.

Now, sure, there’ll be duds from time to time (remember Transistor?) but we have to be bold in our choices!

Feminina:

It’s true!

“Well, this is going to be goofy and weird, but whatever…”

Happy surprise that we ended up enjoying it so thoroughly. Fingers crossed the sequel isn’t disappointing!

But you’re right, we’ve been lucky lately playing semi-unheard of things. (I remember Day of the Tentacle more than Transistor in the ‘not for me thanks’ column, although I know you liked it OK: at least I FINISHED Transistor.)

Butch:

You just seem to have an aversion to point and click games. It’s cuz you didn’t play in the 90s. Live and learn.

Finishing Transistor wasn’t….something I’d do again.

Feminina:

No, nor I. But at least I could stand to do it once.

And yeah, no doubt my failure to play games in the 90s has prejudiced me against that style, and I’m missing out on cool stuff. Someday I’ll try another…no, never mind, I won’t.

Speaking of games, you’ve pre-ordered Uncharted: Lost Legacy? I don’t know if I’m going to be done with MEA by August 22nd!

Make that, at this rate I’m highly unlikely to be done with MEA by August 22nd! What will we do?

Butch:

Actually, it occurred to me that the reason we played Horizon is that MEA got delayed.

You know, the game we’re playing now and not really talking about.

(True, I haven’t played that much, but still.)

And WE will do what I always do!

Have the new game mock us, in cellophane, as we finish what we’re playing.

Feminina:

That’s all very well for you. I’ll have to watch Mr. O’ playing it. AS CHLOE.

And that’s true…if MEA had been out on time, we might have decided we could skip the weird new thing. Although it got good reviews, so we might still have picked it up later.

Butch:

We certainly would’ve done this first, as Mass Effect is Mass Effect and this was just some weird game with weird robot dinosaurs.

Feminina:

But come on, though…sooner or later we would have succumbed to the lure of ROBOT DINOSAURS. We couldn’t have held out forever. How could we? It wouldn’t happen!

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