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Puncherson_64LadyBrain_64

Some spoilers for Havarl location in Mass Effect: Andromeda

Butch:

So Junior is playing Zelda: Breath of the Wild. It’s his first real serious game, and I’m using it to give him important lessons of how games communicate to the player, the language of games, if you will. I have noticed that his ten year old mind magpies even more than yours, and he is often wandering into places he shouldn’t be yet. So I tell him, over and over, “If a place looks very important, you’ll likely get a quest that will send you there. Don’t go there until you get the quest!”

I completely ignored this advice last night.

Cuz, see, I went into the Remnant abyss. First.

And holy living hell were there bad guys! SO MANY BAD GUYS! So much fighting! And then that thing called a deathbringer…I mean a destroyer? The fuck was THAT?

I killed that thing and there was a thing that looked like a gravity well. And shit, when you kill a boss, and there’s an important looking thing, gotta be important, right? Even if you don’t have the quest? So I wasted time there figuring out there was nothing I could do. Then more fighting, and found a BIG FUCKING DOOR that I couldn’t open.

Why?

Because I did not have the quest that would send me there. I went there before I got the quest.

Holy. Shit. Waste. Of. Time.

So I had to climb this tower first, you see.

And, as it turns out, you CAN get down into the chasm without falling to your death. Who knew? Oh, right, everyone knew but me.

Last night was frustrating.

But I eventually did climb the tower, which was a rather exciting bit (we’ve talked on how climbing things is good for heightening tension), and got to the sages, who THEN gave me the quest I needed IN THE FIRST PLACE.

When Ryder was all “Whatchu talkin’ ’bout? MEMORIES? From a DEAD GUY? Are you crazy?” I wanted to point out there was a memory trigger right over there. Seriously, Ryder, you’ve DONE that.

But the single best moment was right after the sage was all “This is a sacred place, where we keep out all others, where we…” and the very next thing we do is plop a forward station there.

“Oh yeah….uh…nice sanctuary, liked the defenses to keep all non believers out…very nice…you mind if I put this here? Kinda handy for a fast travel point. It’s just in the corner here…yeah…we cool? Big rocket pod? By your statues? All good?”

So once I HAD the quest I went back and got the gauntlet. I swear to God, if those baddies had respawned I would have given up video games. Especially that deathbr…destroyer. That thing sucked. Thank God for Vetra.

So now I have a glove and I have to go find dudes by that bridge.

Did a lot, should’ve done more.

Feminina:

That is good advice! Advice that I personally strive to follow at all times hahahahahaha.

I just wandered into this planet’s version of the 20-minute-no-save-points fight last night.

I mean, game…you gotta break it up. If you’re going to have a big fight and then a pause where you wander around and pick up information and NEW QUESTS, that pause should be a freaking save point before the next stage of the big battle.

I died in the next stage of the big battle, and when I saw I’d reloaded outside the gate again I just said NOPE. Not dealing with this tonight. I’ll go back again, on high alert and hiding behind everything in my determination to not die, but not tonight.

I LOVED the fact that Ryder’s immediate response to “this is the most secret and holy place of our people” is “great, forward station right over there then?” Hilarious. They didn’t seem to mind, so I suppose it was fine, but interesting timing. Also the skepticism about “retrieving memories from dead people” bit, as you say, was pretty funny. Self-awareness may not be among Ryder’s strongest character traits.

Butch:

I usually do follow that advice. Just…not last night.

Ugh endless fights. I haven’t had a rage quit moment yet. Maybe I’m just not dying?

Dude, two words: “Manual Save.” I have about 12000 manual saves in this game (well, maybe 10. I overwrite). If you’re like “Phew, a pause,” that’s a time to hit options and save.

Manual. Save.

This is twice now with the forward stations on this planet. Maybe the Angara keep thinking “Well, we’ll welcome her because she already has done that rocket thing a couple of times. There’s no way she needs another OH COME ON!”

The memory thing was SO awesome because the FIRST THING I did after being all skeptical was pick up a memory trigger.

Feminina:

Dude! You CANNOT MANUALLY SAVE during this lengthy event! Believe me, I tried. The save option is all fuzzed out, as if you were in the middle of combat the entire time.

You are not actively in combat the entire time! There are quiet moments that would be a good time to save! But no. That is not permitted.

This is my true complaint here. I’m not whining (that much) because the game didn’t save for me, but at least let me save myself!

Ha. “Surely she wouldn’t be so tone-deaf as to land that crude, alien rocket in our most holy grove of — damn it.”

Diplomacy!

Butch:

Ah, shit. It’s like that. That was true in the Abyss last night. I know because I checked every 1.2 milliseconds. But I think I saw saves there. Or it was wishful thinking.

I think there should be a rule: There should be a save point before every bigassedfucking door. Not little doors that go into science huts. Those are fine. But when there’s a door with loud things and four red dots behind it, save. Only fair.

“Ok, crew. Rules of First Contact: Do not shoot. We don’t want a fight with these kind, intelligent, alien races. Mostly because a fight would likely mess up the scenic, sacred places where we’re going to build condos and strip malls, thus lowering property values. So be careful out there! Be kind! And think of the return on investment!”

Feminina:

“Think of the return on investment” explains so much! Even all those forward stations…we really just need to have landing sites from which to show the condo developers the most promising areas we’ve found!

“So I’m thinking a three or four hundred unit set-up starting about here where this remnant junk is piled–little walking park in the center, playground for the tots to lure young professional parents, shopping plaza, maybe a small movie theater.”

Butch:

That’s it!

We show up, we find a couple of cultures are fighting and are going to wipe each other out, we come in and shoot a whole lot of them, and set up our new, gleaming, perfect society with condos and malls without any regard or thought to the sacred ways of the cultures we’re totally trying to understand so that they help us fight.

Going back to our previous post, yeah, I agree, no one would EVER play Mass Effect: Imperialism.

Feminina:

It’s going to be great! They’ll all come around as soon as they see how awesome our strip malls are, and will be properly grateful to us for elevating them from the tiresome drudgery of whatever they were doing with their lives before.

CAN. NOT. FAIL.

Butch:

I gotta get off this planet soon, as it is giving us very few reasons to derail.

It’s so serious!

I miss Suvi.

Feminina:

You mean you didn’t flirt with the hot elders?

Man, there was that whole great, awkward scene of “well, I know I’d like a crude alien in my sacred…whoa, gotta go find a path!”

You just need to be alert for the derailment points.

Butch:

And just like that you’ve saved us from propriety and staying on topic. The internet is saved.

I missed the chance, man. I just can’t get into the aliens (except Peebee). I leave it to you to see dudes who look like crosses between Egyptian art and wing backed armchairs and think it’s a chance for both love and sexual humor.

Not a T SHIRT but almost certainly a NEW SENTENCE.

Feminina:

Meh, the angara aren’t armored enough for me. And I like their lovely big eyes, but those head folds…enh.

That doesn’t mean I won’t flirt, of course. I did flirt with Jaal a bit when the opportunity arose. He got a bit moony, so I’ve been maturely avoiding him ever since.

Butch:

He finds me…interesting. With the pause. The pause is key. Women LOVE pauses.

But they dig Scottish accents more.

Feminina:

It’s true, pauses are ever so moody and angsty.

“I long for…moldy flags…to bandage the tormented soul…that hides under this heavy, heavy armor…”

[Swoon]

Butch:

See? All about the pauses.

Ironically, I have never heard Mr. O pause.

But then, Mrs. McP does not have an accent of any kind. She’s got blue eyes, though.

Feminina:

She could always dye her hair black and adopt a fake accent. Stranger things have happened.

Probably.

Butch:

If she does that, I will be far too worried about her sanity to enjoy it.

Feminina:

But just think, some Scottish guy may think Mrs. McP has an adorable accent already!

I don’t know, do people from other countries think our accents are cool, or do we just think everyone else’s accents are cool?

Butch:

Which is why I don’t let Scottish dudes near her.

Who would think our accents are cool? I think they just roll their eyes.

But then, maybe they’re just messing with us. Maybe Scotsmen all sound like Marty Walsh and when they come here they’re all “Hey, I’m gonna talk like this. Mess with them. They’ll think I’m hot.”

Feminina:

Put heavy armor on some of them and make ’em moody and prone to angsty pauses and I’ll be all set.