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Some possible spoilers for various companions’ romantic potential in Mass Effect: Andromeda

Butch:

So after the metal devil stupidness, I didn’t want to shoot anything. I wanted nudity laced derailment fuel (T SHIRT!!!) and I FAILED IN THAT TOO.

Grumble.

Bugged out of Voeld. I can fight that and explore caves later. That left a) Aya and the main story, b) Eos and Cora and whatever else and c) the Nexus and poker with Gil and memories and stuff.

Well, I was too tired for main story, and figured Eos would involve shooting all sorts of shit, so off to the Nexus I went.

Played poker with Gil (I dunno…his sister’s baby thing sounds kinda fun….), gave the hops to the dude, unlocked the memory of everyone being together….and that’s about it. No one wanted to flirt. Even bumped into PB in the habitation place. She was talking to Drack, said there’s too many people who know her on the Nexus (foreshadowing!) and nada.

Even that reporter was nowhere to be found.

Though, gotta admit, I did look pretty good in that memory. I should’ve taken that outfit with me to Andromeda.

Listen, bioware. There are lots of games where I can get good narrative. There are lots and lots and lots of games where I can shoot things. But, sometimes, you just want to plop down and chat and flirt and have casual sex with aliens, and THAT’S where you excel! You let me down last night, bioware. You let me down.

I should probably move on with the main story. Maybe no one wants to get their freak on with the Moshae there bringing down the mood.

Feminina:

The Moshae is probably kind of a buzzkill. So SERIOUS.

I…what did I do…oh yeah, I got the drone! I still had 49 skill points hanging around, so I was able to immediately power it up to the max. Then I only got in one smallish fight, so it was hard to see its full awesomeness, but I look forward to further adventures with it.

“Go forth to distract and bedevil my enemies!”

Also, I was wrong: powers are NOT in loadout, they’re just in Options under Skills. You can switch stuff around right there. I did it to add the drone to my menu. I’m not sure if you can swap while you’re in combat, though–I didn’t try that.

So much for the ‘loadout is too much of a hassle!’ excuse for why I never switch powers. I’m still never going to switch powers, though. I just know myself. I know what I like, and I pick a thing I like and stick with it.

I did switch my armor, but only to the next step up of the N7 outfit. I’m crafting the level VI gear now. Because you might as well craft something, with all those materials and research points.

Didn’t flirt with anyone. No one’s getting any love these days.

Butch:

Oh, dude! That’s what else I did last night! I crafted! And I take at least some of what I said back.

Dude….

So I’m an assault rifle guy. Have been since ME2. All about that avenger. I like the full auto action. So I’ve been using it for the whole game. I tried making another one, but it only shot in three shot bursts and fuck that. I’ve been trying to soup up my Avenger with mods, and it’s been fine.

Or so I thought…..

I was poking around and found I had plans for Avenger 4! FOUR! And it had “augmentation slots.” “Hmm,” thought I, “I’ve heard of those. Wonder if I have any lying around….”

I did.

One that increased assault rifle damage by 49%. (Why not 50%? Only bioware knows) And the other?

In addition to shooting…makes it shoot an electrical beam. AN. ELECTRICAL. BEAM.

I love it. It’s awesome. So very awesome.

Craft, dude.

Feminina:

I added some mods last night too! I think I added some hundreds of hours ago and forgot about them, but that was back near the beginning of the game and they were fairly weak. I have some pretty good ones now!

I also like how if you want to add something to a gun and it’s already on another gun, it will let you. Warn you first, but let you. A lot of times in this sort of crafting system you have to specifically remove it from one thing to put it on something else, and it might not even show up in your list if it’s already on something, which can be a hassle.

Here I can just swap mods from weapon to weapon as the mood takes me. Or, more realistically, swap from one weapon to the higher-level version of the same weapon once I find it.

Kind of like how they want us to be swapping powers and profiles all the time, but in practice we just stick with the same thing.

Butch:

No dude….no. NO NO NO. Those are MODS. Mods, you can switch. And they’re ok.

But AUGMENTATIONS….DUDE augmentations.

These you have to pick when you craft the thing, and they stick to the weapon, and they are THE. SHIT.

And you can ADD and switch the mods to the AUGMENTED WEAPON!

Dude. So. Cool.

Feminina:

Oh augmentations…right. Yeah, I haven’t done those. I’ll take a look at them…next time I’m in R&D/crafting…about 100 hours from now.

After a certain point in the game it becomes kind of a “why didn’t I do this 200 hours ago!?” thing, but also a “well, I didn’t, so why bother now?”

Butch:

Dude, this was the first I messed with it, and it was because I didn’t want to do anything that mattered, and DUDE. Electric. Beams. BEAMS!

Between this thing and the drone I am a DEATH MERCHANT!

Which means I should really tell my squad mates “Yeah, don’t need you shooting so much, so, you know, you work on getting nicer clothes and flirting and stuff…..”

Feminina:

“Guys, it’s fine, I’ve got this. You all just go focus on looking pretty.”

Butch:

Midriffs. Work on the midriffs.

PB’s got that down. Props. Suvi’s gotta work it. WORK IT!

I’ll shoot, you do the midriffs.

You know, the drone gets good enough, then there should be far more sex.

PB: Uh…shouldn’t we be worried about all that nasty stuff that might kill us?
Ryder: Nah, the drone’s got it. Let’s screw.
PB: I KNEW there was a reason I built that.

Feminina:

Peebee would probably say that, too.

Butch:

And then Jaal would be all “Interesting…..”

Happy Derailment Friday, readers!

Feminina:

“Very interesting…you know, in my species, that usually goes over there…”

Butch:

Try behind the drone lovin’ with Vetra. Maybe Jaal will be the one who finally figures out how you’ve been bangin’ dudes with exoskeletons. He’s attentive.

Feminina:

He IS attentive. Probably working on a scholarly article. To which I’ll be happy to contribute in any way possible, Jaal! Always eager to advance the frontiers of scientific knowledge, that’s me.

Butch:

Just….not with him. Or Kallo.

Maybe I can get Cora to come around…for science!

Feminina:

Or maybe Cora likes guys with huge, soulful eyes and will be glad to date Jaal and/or Kallo. For science! Or just for the soulfulness.

Butch:

She probably would. Or she’ll be there for Liam when I break his heart. Which I’m so gonna do.

But he’ll always be able to say he banged the pathfinder. In my game, anyway. Who’d’ve thunk you’d play the chaste one.

Feminina:

Hey, I messed around with Peebee. I flirted with Jaal. And I basically told the reporter I was coming back to make sweet love to her as soon as she was done with her story. I was only chaste with Liam because I got distracted thinking about the path I was trying to find (INTO HIS PANTS, ha) and didn’t hit the QTE in time.

Hmm…now that I think of it, that’s actually a sad interpretation…so distracted by thinking about the thing that I failed to actually do it. Overthinking it strikes again!

Maybe instead I was distracted by thinking of other things, like my comatose brother or whatever. That’ll legitimately kill the mood.

I should go talk to him again, there might still be hope.

Butch:

Whoa, you banged TWO Asari? Damn, man.

I couldn’t find the reporter last night. I looked. Where was she?

Feminina:

Oh, I haven’t actually gone back to the reporter yet. We had a nice awkward flirty conversation where I said I would, but I haven’t been to the Nexus in months. I was just using my promise to do so as evidence that I am not burdened by an overabundance of chastity.

Honestly, I probably should pursue Jaal, for science, because there’s a chance no one’s ever done it before. Finding the path into the pants of new alien species! THAT’S uncharted territory. I don’t really find their folds of headskin appealing, but…science. Plus they do have very large and soulful eyes.

Butch:

Did you get the NOMAD banter with PB asking Jaal about the lotion he puts on his neck flaps to keep them soft and supple?

I kid you not.

Feminina:

That sounds vaguely familiar…possibly they were talking about it while I was trying to drive sideways along a vertical cliff.

Did you get the bit where Drack offers to show Cora his clan brands?

Butch:

HA! No. I gotta travel with Cora more.

No wonder you miss so much banter.

There are roads, you know.

Feminina:

Roads are for people who can’t find their own path. Along the side of a vertical cliff.

Companion banter, though. Along with flirting, it’s BioWare’s signature. It must be a lot of fun for the writers, all these semi-throwaway, yet amusing and character-revealing snippets. (It’s either a lot of fun or a terrible chore…hard to say without ever having done anything like it.)

Butch:

I just love that it’s ALL kinda flirty. They want to bang each other! We’re all banging each other!

Tempest, indeed.