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Some minor spoilers for Remnant Conservatory in Mass Effect: Andromeda


MAN this game.

So after getting Kroganland up to 100% and stopping the bomb and all, decided to truck off to the other priority place that wasn’t REALLY a priority cuz it wasn’t the archon. This was the Turian world that was really just torn apart and had little gravity which made it fun to drive on, but for the big fucking canyon that was only there to piss me off.

And I was happy! Hardly any hexagons! And most were that hitting rocks thing that I’m not doing!

And I let myself think “Great! I’ll tear right through this! Knock this out, do Vetra’s quest, off to the archon tomorrow! Short and sweet!”

I let myself think this because I obviously forgot what game I am playing.

Shot my way through those three balloony things (at least they’re easy to find), thought I was done (cuz I forgot what I’m playing) and now…I am in a remnant place. Because of COURSE. Nothing on the surface? Feeling like it’s easy? THERE’S STUFF UNDERGROUND!!!!

So I’m there.

But here’s some themes: This world, I think, has me pinging between the extremes of hope and cynicism that we’ve talked about. The world itself, not the story, which is cool. On one hand, it’s the very definition of failed hopes: a golden world that was destroyed before anyone got there, that will now kill you if you set foot on it. On the other hand, it can power the whole fleet for 368 years. People ARE scratching out an existence against all odds (until we killed them). We can stand on this busted, irradiated rock and say “We can explore the stars.” That’s hope. Indeed, when you approach the system, Kallo and Suvi say how beautiful it is. “It’s where stars are made.” Still.

Is it a destroyed paradise? A former beauty? Or still beautiful, and the engine of a wonderful future?

Nice stuff. Especially as these questions are never explicitly asked.

That said, I really want to churn through some quests, here.


Oh yeah, THAT place. The broken planet is a cool environment. And subtly themey. And then you get to the remnant…what did they call it? The conservatory? (Sounds so mannered and Clue-mansion-y.) THAT place.

I wandered around in there for a while and kept getting killed, so I left. Discretion, valor, etc. I need to go back…that was a while ago, and I’ve now defeated three architects, so maybe I’ve reached a level where I can handle it better.

Tip: the Elaaden architect–yes, obviously the one on the planet you just left–is the easiest. It was actually not that bad: I didn’t even die. Voeld’s is the worst. So far. I still have to deal with the one on Eos.


That’s the one. The conservatory. It’s huge? Cuz the plan is to finish it tonight.

Three architects. Great. Can’t even wait.

Though it’s really time spent. Remember, I ALMOST killed the one on voeld. Took out all the legs, had the head way down, and froze to death cuz I didn’t open a door. And that was many levels ago!

What am I afraid of?

Ah yes. Wasting time.


It is the time investment that has to be considered, to be sure. I froze to death once, and repeatedly had to abandon the battle to race back to a heater to avoid freezing to death again. It was an interesting use of environment as a combat hazard. Pretty annoying in the moment, but objectively speaking, I kind of respect it. We don’t see that very often.

Elaaden and Kadara do not have this problem! Go after those architects first.

The conservatory is quite large, and quite lethal. I spent way too much time getting killed there before I decided my investment was better made elsewhere. I don’t remember what level I was, though–it was a long time ago. So give it a try, but if it gets frustratingly nasty, I would bail and go do something where you have a more reliable chance of accomplishing something in a timely fashion. You can always come back!

Life is short. This game is long.



But yes, VERY annoying in the moment. I had to run back to heaters ALL THE TIME. Usually, at a good part.

“The head is exposed! Target the head!” “Yeah, you do it, Jaal. I’m cold.”

But I’m just rarely in the mood for what I KNOW will be a good 30, 45 minutes of fight. That’s IF I kill it. More if I don’t.

Thank. God. Though isn’t Elaaden hot? I know that’s a hazard, cuz SAM sounded like a scratched record every time I ran though a patch of trees that gave off sporadic shade.

“Temperatures are rising temperatures are norm…I’ve detected a rise in…temperatures have returned to…I’ve detected a” SHUT UP SAM!

So the conservatory is long. God. Damn. It. So this planet fragment that I thought was going to be quick and dirty is lethal and long and endless, like the rest of the game? Really? Frustratingly nasty does not sound good.

I have earned a respectable level, and Liam being loyal does turn him into a bit of a tank. Can’t wait until Drack’s loyal. And my drone is great, too. I need to FINISH THINGS!


Elaaden is hot, but not life threateningly so once you’ve gotten it to 100% viability. (The very best part about this is that SAM stops mentioning the temperature every 30 seconds.) That architect will be no problem!

And yeah, the simple exploration of a planet shard turns into a whole big thing. Of course. That’s how this game rolls.

“If we want there to be nothing major on a planet or planet fragment, you will know because you will not be able to land on it. Otherwise, you should plan to spend 150 hours there.”

(Although, again, you may be tougher than I was at the time, so it might not be that big a thing after all.)


Just did it. Hooray for nursery school and putting off the chores until weekends!

I was trucking through it thinking “Either Femmy did this a LONG time ago or she’s really bad at games,” cuz it was easy. Then…I got to the end. And that THING. What was that THING?

I’m sorry I maligned you.

That THING was hard, I’ll give you that. And all the assemblers? Hard fight.

Buuuuuuut….I’m stronger, the friends are stronger (Liam’s grenades are just amazing now), and I have the electric assault rifle. Hoo boy, do remnant NOT like being zapped with electricity. That thing is like a remnant eraser.

So I got through it. It was hard, though, I’ll give it that.

And some themes? A little? Finish it up and we’ll talk. Later.

(It is one of those deals that will probably make the ending a better ending, and you like happy endings, so get on that.)


Right? The thing. And the assemblers. So many assemblers. All the stuff up to then was nothing, you’re right, but…the thing.

But I’m glad you got through it–I shall return filled with enthusiasm and determination and take care of business!

Tonight. Probably. For the themage!


The themeage is more thoughtful revisiting of things we’ve pondered before. It’s nothing earth shattering. But hey, it’s up our alley.

Actually, the more I think on it, the more I think it’s worth it.

Next I’m off to Vetra’s thing, as that’s right there. I’ll do it tonight. By which I mean I’ll do the first three steps of what is likely 402 steps on 13 planets.


I’ll do it! First chance I get! Look for my report 30 in-game hours from now. But you’ll only just be finishing up Vetra’s story, so hey, it’s fine.


Oh don’t even. Please don’t. I have some hope. After all, Liam’s thing was just about an hour of playing. Nice and tidy. Fun, too.

But this won’t be, will it?


Naw, it’s not that bad. The loyalty missions all have a lot of steps leading up to them, but once you kind of get to the meat of the thing, they’re pretty solid, contained sessions. You’ll be fine.

I can’t remember if it’s on another planet or not, but even if it is, I think it’s ONE other planet. Go there, do the thing, it’s all good.


Oh I am MOVING now! I’ll finish in a week I’m sure!


No doubt!

That’s the spirit. We’ll both be done in no time. Here we come, Chloe!



You just HAD to bring up Chloe.

But then, it means this game will end happily no matter what. Cuz it’ll end with Chloe.


Good point!

“Everyone died and the entire galaxy was sucked into a black hole thanks to our meddling with remtech? Oh well…Chloe!”


Works for me! It is a different galaxy, after all.


“And that’s why we’re lucky WE stayed in the Milky Way! The end.”


Actually, that would be an interesting ending. If the moral really was “Stay put. Be happy with what you have. Nothing out there but unpleasantness.”

I mean, we haven’t seen anything all that pleasant anyway, have we? The nexus doesn’t work, Eos is a desert, Aya’s ok, but people are living there, Voeld sucks, Kandara sucks, Elaaden really sucks, Havarl is deadly. These places suck.

Hope is nice, but the here and now sucks.

Ergo, stay put.

We even talked about that re the Krogan. Had they stayed, the genophage would’ve been cured. Oops.


That would be very interesting! They’d never ever do it, but it would be extremely interesting. We would discuss that for days, until we started PLAYING AS CHLOE.

So we’d discuss it for 20 minutes, but it would be very thoughtful discussion.


All of our thoughtful discussions last 20 minutes of late. Then we derail. But hey, 20 minutes ain’t bad on the internet.


It’s true. People have probably stopped paying attention after about 8 minutes anyway. We’re doing way more than we have to!


No way, man. They all stick with it until the end. That’s why we END with nudity and T SHIRTS!!!! It’s like the brownie you get when you eat your healthies. You don’t quit before the nudity! T SHIRT!!!!