Spoilers for the nothing we played


I got nothing. We decided to do our annual “Drive around and look at Xmas lights” drive, which was nice, but not games. We did manage to find this place in Bellerica (because of COURSE it’s in Bellerica) that had their whole house tricked out, and you came up, and it said “Tune to 90.7 FM,” and the lights were synced to the music that they were transmitting from inside the house.

That’s some next level shit right there.

Shows they have WAAAAAY too much free time! They could be doing something useful like writing 23842198547 words a day about video games! And Ephemera!


Wow. That is HARDCORE Christmas lighting.

I was just proud we actually have some on the actual tree. Inside the house. The outside of the house is untouched, of course.

Because we have better things to do, like write thousands of words about video games, and think about pie.

I didn’t play either. We went to watch Star Wars, so that was the evening.


OH SHIT JEALOUS! Was it good? Don’t spoil.

Dude, we saw a couple houses that were, shall we say, overdone, like too many lit reindeer in the yard and something on the roof, and we were impressed. But the whole “I’m gonna make my own fucking radio station and sync it?” You, sir, win at gaudy Xmas weirdness. Take a bow.

I do have some outside lights, just to add a little cheer, but I’m of the “soft and inviting” look, not the “be seen from space” look. Just a couple of strands around the front door, down the banisters of the front steps. Welcoming. Not that I am actually welcoming people to my door, but it SEEMS welcoming.


I enjoyed it. There was a lot to discuss afterwards, like “why did…?” and “what about..?” and so forth.

I like that approach. “This is more or less what it would look like if I were welcoming you to my home, which I am not.”


Well, what do you expect? It’s pretty clear there might be a sequel.

Exactly! “If I gave enough of a shit to send out Xmas, cards, this is what they’d look like. Just drive by. Merry Xmas.”

Downright jolly, I think.


You think a sequel? Yeah…maybe…I guess I could see them making another movie in this series. Every year or so for the rest of eternity.

We’ll drive quickly by your house the minute that lack of Christmas cards gets to be too much to bear.


Yeah, don’t linger too long. I’ve told all my relatives to drive by, too. Quickly, so their headlights don’t interrupt the games.


Oh man, yeah, you don’t need that glare. Move along, people, move along, there are others waiting you know…


I am glad you, too, have embraced the holiday spirit in an appropriate way.

I even got a prelit tree. It’s great! Just open box, plug in, lights.

Maximum cheer, minimal effort.


Oh man, I wish I’d thought of that business idea. It’s possibly even as good as our pear brandy empire.


It’s pretty great. Even has a little foot pedal you hit to turn it on and off. You don’t even have to bend over to plug it in!

Maximum cheer.


Is it a real tree that you have to buy again next year, or a reusable one? That you can store in your closet with your spider-infested rags?


Oh a reusable one. That replaced the old reusable one that wasn’t prelit that we bought at Ames for 40 bucks 13 years ago. It was starting to drop leaves, just like a real one.

I figure the spiders need some cheer, too. Fun fact: Spider Xmas is in March. It’s when the tree is available.

I was going to say January, but that would mean I’m organized enough to take it down quickly and HA!

And left off February just to give myself some (realistic) leeway.



And very nice plan. You’ll get years of minimally effortful use out of that.

Also, here’s how we improve on that business idea and steal it for ourselves: include a little player with carols and set the lights to automatically twinkle in time with the songs!

Take that, people who worked really hard on your impressive synced display! We’ll automate the whole thing (on a tree scale…for now) and sell it cheap and pretty soon everyone will have it and we’ll all hate it because it’s everywhere.

It’s the spirit of the season.

Also, now that I think about it, someone has undoubtedly already done it.


I definitely hate it. My work here is done. By someone else, before I even thought about it. Which is the best kind of work, really. More time for booze and video games and not installing a garish musical tree in my house.


We’re always just a little late. 
And we have too much taste.