Spoilers about the challenges of life and the things that support us when times get tough
I got nothing. Kids had colds, everyone was crazy, Junior had his thing until five, I knew I’d let Chloe down.
Which is fine, because I have my six month brain check today, which means my neurologist will, once again, try to convince me that something called “laser ablation” with a “proton knife” is something I should do to my brain. I keep telling him that one should only use proton knives against people named Kevin.
Strangely, spending the day talking about brain surgery and sitting around for an hour waiting to get my blood drawn will likely be more fun than the five year old’s birthday party I did yesterday.
At least it’s likely you’ll take my advice on that one. You blew it on multiple kids, you blew it on buying a house. At least it’s likely you’ll take my advice on not letting anyone get close to your brain with a proton knife.
Are you kidding!? I get proton knife laser ablation every couple of months, just to keep on top of the latest! It’s the best. How do you think I finish games so fast?
It logically follows that Mr. O’ has it once a week.
I AM NOT KEVIN!!!!!
Actually, you two having regular brain surgery explains so much.
I didn’t want to give away our secret, but sooner or later, the truth comes out.
Doctors are always so gung ho. He asked “Why don’t you want the surgery?” I said “Because it’s BRAIN SURGERY.” Like…..one would think that question answers itself.
Anyway, you picked up Divinity yet?
Ordered. It will probably arrive soon.
Also, “why don’t you want the surgery?” is such a great question. As is, “why don’t you skydive regularly?” or “why don’t you wrestle alligators?”
Um…it just…seems like the kind of thing one avoids where possible, is all?
His response to my rather obvious answer of (paraphrasing) “Dude….” was “But you say you get tired in the afternoon.”
Look, doc, I respect you, I do, but really, I do not need to risk, like, terrible brain injury and all that just so I can not nap during Dinosaur Train. We are little askew on the risk/reward calculations here, doc.
Dinosaur Train sucks, anyway.
Dude! You’re missing PRECIOUS CHILDHOOD MOMENTS here!
“We’re gonna riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiide the dinosaur train!!!!”
O’Jr. was really into that for a while but then it went off Netflix. Or it was never on Netflix but he went off watching things on the computer instead of the TV? Or we never bothered setting up PBS Kids on the TV?
Anyway, somehow, mysteriously, he doesn’t watch it anymore.
Stop that. You get that in my head, I’ll mention a certain holiday primate who’s beloved by children at all times of the year. We don’t want that, do we?
See, there’s this thing called channel 2. It’s one of these old things they used to have called a “television station” that just shows things whenever it wants and you can’t tell it when or what you want to see. It just happens. You don’t have to set it up or get a computer or anything! It’s practically magic!
I’m pretty sure you’re making all this up. Why would people just sit and watch whatever came on? As if they didn’t have many other options for video entertainment?
Ha. I remember VCRs, and it was this big thing that now you could watch a movie ANYTIME YOU WANTED! You don’t even have to wait until it shows up on TV sometime!
I don’t really remember before movies on TV, but imagine that…basically, once something left the theater it ceased to exist. If you didn’t see it while it was in town, you never would.
Strange, I know. But then, how else would we have been acquainted with Steve Songs?
Dude, I remember renting VCRs. Not the tapes, the actual VCR. It was like, big, involved movie night!
Movies on TV used to be a big thing, and what was on, too. Your movie was THE THING people watched on Sunday, or whatever.
With who now?
We rented a VCR and movie once! It was a big holiday production. We had to rent the TV too, I think, that’s how out of the tech loop we were in…1992 this was. Yup. A bygone era. I’m just retrospectively impressed we even knew how to hook up and operate TVs and VCRs.
That’s probably more difficult these days, actually, hooking things up, I mean, what with all the cables for consoles and sound systems and internet connections.
Dude, things now, you just plug in the HDMI cable. Back then, there were, like, different things and colors and sound cables and you had to twist things and shit.
You still don’t get tech, do you?
Good point. We plug everything into everything these days. But there are SO MANY blinking green lights on that Verizon unit that provides telephone and internet and (if we ever decide to pay for it) cable television! No way that’s not complicated.
Verizon Guy, you hook it up. (He did. It works. Now let us never speak of it again.)
You should see my new network. It has two booster points, all mesh, switches from the 5ghz to 2.4 automatically, keeps things that need static IPs static without being told, and I can control it from my phone.
Trust me, it’s cool.
And at least no brain surgery!
At least no brain surgery!
Although dude, maybe you should get the brain surgery now, because in a couple of years if you actually need it, it probably won’t be covered by insurance. Or deductable on your taxes.
I may call and make an appointment for brain surgery myself, just in case.
Sigh. So, did I tell you about my new Pokemon achievements? Only 33 to go before I get a medal for hatching 1000 eggs!
Proton knives for everyone! (Extreme weird callback.)
That thing you said about pokemon go is the most depressing thing I’ve heard all week.
I think “At least no brain surgery!” is the T SHIRT we retire on.
It’s hard to beat that shirt.
Or that callback! Which is awesome! Although sadly I think the thing it calls back to predates the blog, so no one could possibly get it. [Sorry, everyone.]
Not that anyone probably gets half the weird things we say, so come to think of it, no worries there. [Sorry, everyone!]
See? I pay attention. Even to pre-blog wit!
Well, who could forget the immortal beauty of “Knives! Knives for everyone!”
Which goes all the way back to AC: Brotherhood, in the mists of time. When that game was so, so good.
You don’t share my fond memories of the game, but you remember the catchphrases. That’s true friendship.
We must cling to the thought of what is good and true and beautiful in the world, i.e. video games, to see us through these dark times.
And booze. Let’s not forget booze.
Yes, definitely booze.
And, you know, the merry laughter of our children and the loving smiles of our spouses and the ties of fond memories that unite us with family and friends etc. etc.
But definitely booze.
I wouldn’t know. I made the mistake of encouraging my kids to do activities, and now I have nights like this where I have to pick them up, drive them to hell and gone, and sit in the car while they act in Beauty and the Beast until 5. And my spouse keeps working late.
At least I have games. And booze.
Games and booze will see us through!
Put your faith in games and booze, for they shall not fail you.
Sadly, you can’t enjoy them while sitting in the car waiting for your kids (unless you load Pokemon Go!), but at least their sweet promise is always present, giving you the strength to make it home.