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Butch:

In food bloggage news, if this pie is just as good baked as the filling is unbaked, that second trip for that weird ingredient I had to venture to OH GOD THE STORE to get was SOOOOOOO worth it.

Feminina:

WANT. PIE.

Butch:

Dude….Brown Butter, Espresso, Rum Pecan Pie.

Like, you have to capitalize it.

And the weird ingredient was cane syrup. Usually I use corn syrup, which can get cloyingly sweet. This stuff, I’ve never used, it’s like a cross between corn syrup and molasses.

It’s good.

This is gonna be a good pie.

Feminina:

Damn it! Why did you have to tell me that!?

I’ll get a cab.

Butch:

There’s gotta be some upside to home ownership and kids and having to host big family events.

Feminina:

On a sightly related note, you know how Microsoft is trying to automate conversations lately, by including suggested responses at the bottom of emails?

In response to your latest missive, it proposes one of these:

  • “I don’t get it.”
  • “I hope you’re right.”
  • “I’m sure of it.”

Uh…I hope you’re right, about that upside to homeownership and kids!

And thank you for the very thoughtful suggestions, Microsoft. If there’s anything I need, it’s my computer carrying out my discussions for me. It’s only a matter of time (this is probably literally true) before the auto suggestions for our game-related conversations include:

  • “I wish there were more nudity.”
  • “I sure murdered the hell out of those hundreds of dudes that time!”
  • “This is a subtle reflection on the moral and political values of not just the developers, but the preapocalyptic dystopia in which we all live.”

Butch:

Wait, WHAT?

That’s not happening for me!

Oh…there’s a switch up there that says “Try the beta” that I haven’t switched. Did you hit the switch? I didn’t, because I fear change.

But now I desperately want to troll it.

Feminina:

I have that in my Hotmail here AND in my work Outlook! I assumed it was universal, but maybe it is a beta thing.

I do sometimes just accept betas because whatever, we’re going to be switched over at some point anyway. Especially with Microsoft. 

But yeah, think of the possibilities! We won’t have to even bother thinking of a response to things anymore!

Butch:

Now I’m doubting I’ve even been talking to you at all.

I’ll only be happy when one of the suggested responses is “T SHIRT!!!!!”

Feminina:

Oh, one of them will be. Definitely.

But you have to sign up for the beta!

I haven’t seen any suggestions so far that were more than one sentence, so it’s not going to be writing our blog posts immediately, but I’m sure it’s working up to that. Given enough input about the kinds of things we say in response to other things.

Butch:

I’m not at all sure I want microsoft all up in our heads.

I’m not sure they want to be there.

Feminina:

But think of all the valuable time you’ll save not having to think up and type out your own responses!

MS is looking out for you.

Butch:

I’m sure of it. 

Feminina:

Interestingly, there’s no suggested response to that. Maybe…we shouldn’t be so sure after all… [ominous music]

I assume someday [ominous music] will be one of the auto-suggested responses to pretty much everything. It will often be appropriate.

Butch:

I’m sure of it. 

Feminina:

[ominous music]

And that’s a wrap.

Butch:

Well, that derailed quickly.

I’ll play tonight if I get a chance. Get back to games.

Feminina:

Nah, it was brilliant. Appropriately ominous and dystopic for pretty much any day of the past few years. But especially one where I don’t get that pie.

Butch:

That was pretty ominous music, I’ll give you that.

But was it dystopic or just meta?

Feminina:

Outlook’s auto-suggested replies:

  • “I don’t think it was.”
  • “I’d love to hear it.”
  • “It was very bad.”

The system clearly still needs a little work–none of those make any sense.

But once it’s out of beta…

Butch:

I have to play. At some point. My in laws are almost here.

But hey! I now have two pies! Does YOUR pumpkin pie have a walnut struessel topping?

I’ll just decide that the fact the clocks changed means I can start drinking an hour earlier. Or two. Cuz time zones or something.

Feminina:

I like the way you think. I’m surprised you haven’t already been drinking for two hours, honestly. Because Europe or something.

I need better pies.

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