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Happy New Year everyone! We resolve to continue to play games and talk about them as a way of blocking out the troubling realities of life in 2019. Join us!

To get started, here’s what we did on our holiday break, complete with some minor spoilers for Shadow of the Tomb Raider.

Butch:

So, despite the insanity of last week, and hoo boy was it insane, I did manage to play a bunch, which we shall blog on, but before we get there….

What are you thinking about playing next? Anything good for Xmas?

Ok, back to what we’re playing now.

So raided that tomb there, with the mirrors. Kinda fun. I like mirror puzzles. Then did a couple monoliths, then got on with the story. Got the fetching and remarkably effective disguise (Seriously…..just…..seriously), met that quest giver…which slowed me down. This would be the quest giver by the entrance there with the waypoint by the tomb and you know the one. Did the freeing of dudes (this disguise downright PERFECT no one suspects a thing what the fuck), and then got to the ambush. And died. LOTS.

Now….

Pretty much every time this game has an objective that’s “survive the ambush” I die. Lots. And I’m going to put some of that on the game. After all, this is, primarily, a stealth/resources kind of game, right? Sorta like Horizon. You’re sneaky, you have a number of different weapons and tactics (that you always forget) at your disposal. The game teaches you and equips you in such a way as to make stealth and tactics the thing you’re designed to do. So when you have this wave of ambush that you CAN’T prepare for, then what? That’s counter to the whole game. No wonder I die all the time.

Especially because I didn’t seem to have guns! Where the hell were my guns? Did you have guns? I had no guns.

That’s just cheap. There’s challenging and there’s cheap.

And I totally saw that that guy was a sellout.

But I did it, cheap and all. And then went over the bridge, went through all those dead rebels, no one suspected a fucking thing cuz it’s a PERFECT disguise, did a monolith, and freed Hakan. Did you free Hakan? Cuz I have thoughts on Hakan.

And now I’m about to go do the free the queen bit.

Not bad for an insane week.

How was your pie? And holiday?

Feminina:

My pie and holiday were adequate. Pumpkin, cherry, apple, pecan. All ordinary but serviceable. Break lengthy and relaxing. The most tragic thing about it is that it’s all gone now. Pie and holiday. Siiiiiiigh.

That’s some pretty good progress for an insane week! Don’t you love the incredibly effective disguise? “No one will ever notice I am a white woman with a British accent rather than a local man, as long as I wear this mask!” I can only assume the mask is in fact magical and casts a constant visual and auditory illusion spell. Or some kind of mind fog. Or both.

And yeah, ambushes where they take away my guns are a low blow. They do seem to kind of randomly take away and give back the guns depending on how they want the challenge to go. Which is OK once in a while, but at least make a plot point of it, you know? Like, tell me WHY I don’t have guns, and then tell me why I suddenly got them back. I mean, presumably you can’t carry them around while you’re disguised because it would break character (sorry, the illusion spell only covers your body, not your weapons! Although climbing axes are OK because they’re primarily tools! Or something!), but maybe WARN a person.

There’s a point later on where you lose everything (explained by story action, so OK), and then a point after that where you just somehow get it all back (not explained at all, so…OK because I want my gear, but also, what the hell?).

I did free Hakan. Eventually. Share your thoughts freely.

Butch:

There was even that one bit where you kinda have to go all “excuse me” and push through three or four dudes and I was sure that was the bit where it would all fall apart and blammo but no. They were just like “Jeez, short Qevin, we were talking here!”

They’re all very trusting. Wear the thing? They’re all “Serpent guard!” Say “No, I’m with the rebels,” they’re all “Oh, cool, I’ll tell you everything.” Like, serpent guys, your best interrogation tactic is to just say “I’m a rebel.” They’ll buy it. I swear, if she put on her coat from the last game and said “I’m the pillsbury dough boy” they’d be all saying “Great biscuits!” while they poked her in the belly.

Dude, nothing to do with costume. Cuz after I died, often, I decided “Fuck this,” went to the campfire, made sure I had everything equipped, changed OUT of my disguise into something far more appropriate, and nope. Still no guns. Got to keep the outfit, which was probably why I eventually made it through, but still no guns. They just didn’t want us to have guns.

Low blow.

There do seem to be some rather contrived bits to this narrative. Just a little.

Hakan:

Well, first, on the “these are gullible dudes” front, he’s just walking away!

Guard: Hey! You’re the prisoner!
Hakan: Am not.
Guard: Oh. Ok.
Guard 2: but you’re with that little girl who was saying she was saying goodbye to her dad….
Girl: I’m not her.
Guard 2: Oh. Ok.
Merchant who was ashamed of Hakan for sullying the names of merchants: Hey! You! Yes, guy in Hakan’s stall who looks just like Hakan! Aren’t you…..Hakan? The man I so detest?
Hakan: Nope.
Merchant: Oh. Ok.

Dudes.

But, all the same, nice twist on the whole “daughter/father” deal. She’s SAVING the father who was obsessed BEFORE the daughter loses him. Which is obvious, yes. But it fits a broader pattern of side quests: They either mirror some flaw in Lara that she can’t fix herself (She’s a raider who killed the “raiders” in the first village, she’s an abandoned daughter who fixed this situation but can’t fix her own relationship with dad) OR they lead to Lara “discovering” something obvious/that everyone already knew (the “lesson” for the dice kid, the fact that the guy was the traitor. “You have a traitor!” “You don’t say…..”). They are illustrations of her own futility, but not just as mirrors to her own PROBLEMS, but to her own states goals in life. The whole “raid tombs” thing is all about finding new stuff, new answers, and the side quests are, well, her thinking she is but wasting her time.

Which makes me wonder if shit’s being foreshadowed….

Feminina:

Yeah…I was kind of looking at Hakan and his daughter strolling away thinking “maybe you want to, I don’t know, hurry a bit? This place is teeming with guards and people clamoring for your blood. And who know you personally, so it’s not like you’re just ‘anonymous escaped dude.'”

At least they don’t put them in special sacrifice uniforms or anything. That would really catch the eye.

Plus, what are they even going to do once they somehow slowly escape? Disappear into the wilderness to be eaten by jaguars? I dunno. I feel like there were more loose ends there than were acknowledged by the peppy ‘quest completed’ text. But hey, I guess they were satisfied, so why should I worry?

And yes, it was a nice twist there. THIS daughter managed to save her father where Lara could not–Lara managed to save THIS father where she couldn’t save her own–this father, being saved, gives up the obsession that almost killed him where Lara’s father never did. A father-daughter relationship can work out!

Until they’re recaptured by the guards and both sacrificed. But whatever. Maybe their plan is for us to defeat Trinity/Kukulkan before that happens. Which…actually is not a bad plan given that we’re the hero and we are definitely going to get around to defeating those guys at some point.

“Don’t worry dad, we just have to lay low for a few days until that cleverly disguised Ixik murders the hell out of all those dudes and the rebels control Paititi again.”

Brilliant!

Oh, and as to your other question, about games and Christmas…Mr. O’ read a review of Red Dead Redemption in the NYT and now he wants to play that. It is an interesting review, all about how games are the grand storytelling medium of our time and stuff we’re all about.

I still don’t like Westerns!–but…I got him that. And since it’s in the house, I will probably play it too.

Butch:

Would a sacrificial uniform catch the eye? Would it, really? He’d STILL be all “No, man. One of you.” That seems to work.

I tell ya, Hakan’ll be back to work merchanting in no time.

That is probably her plan. Little do they know that it won’t really be three days. They should say “We better lay low for the next three or four years until that cleverly (“Seriously, Dad, cleverly?” “Just stick with me, ok?”) disguised Ixik putzes around trying to decipher monoliths and open treasure chests to get loot she doesn’t need and THEN murders the hell out of those dudes…well, SOME of those dudes before she finds another tomb and oh who are we kidding we’re fucked.”

Figured we should play RDR2. It is all story and shit.

Also, shit. Sitting at 97 on metacritic.

97.

That’s very high.

I shall get it.

Feminina:

Yeah. But a really good story that’s a western is still a western. People raved about the stories and the characters and the themes in the Sopranos, and I never watched the Sopranos, and never plan to watch it, because I’m just not interested in the mob.

On the other hand, I enjoyed Mafia 3 a lot more than I expected, even though I’m not interested in the mob. So I suppose one never knows.

RDR2 is supposed to be so damn LONG, though. (Check it: Forbes.)

At least Mafia 3 was relatively short. One could feel, going into it, that even if the genre wasn’t the most appealing, it wouldn’t last for-freaking-ever. You can tell I’m already angry about this game and I haven’t even started it. Ha.

It should if nothing else be an interesting blogging, going into something with such low expectations.

And good point regarding our current game, it WILL be at least several months before we finish with all those monoliths and collect all that loot we don’t need.

Lara’s argument is that she may not need the loot, but she does need the XP. “Look, you want me to be tough enough to REALLY murder the hell out of these dudes, right? And to have picked up a lot of cool tricks I won’t remember to use? Anyway, I need to gather a lot of experience with…digging loot out of the ground…to get good enough for the final battle. Just trust me, that’s how it works.”

Butch:

Yes! Nothing like tricks you forget you have.

It’s mostly embarrassing at merchants.

Lara: What’re those?

Merchant: Flare rounds.

Lara: Those sound cool. Wish I could use them.

Merchant: ***awkward pause***

Lara: Shit. I can, can’t I?

We were both pleasantly surprised by Mafia 3. And that wasn’t even at 97 on metacritic!

Anyway, this was your idea!

Anyway, long games can always be shortened by ignoring shit. And we could always…..just not finish.

But this was your idea! Why am I defending your idea from you?

Feminina:

It was NOT my idea, it was Mr. O’s idea. I’m going to blame him for any lack of enjoyment I experience during the entire 300 hours we’re playing that game.

Also, don’t try to pretend you haven’t been talking about RDR2’s reviews yourself. It’s on the blog. HISTORY WILL JUDGE YOU.

Butch:

I was just pointing shit out. I respect your distrust of westerns based on your experiences in the West that make no sense because you were there in the TWENTIETH CENTURY and some shit had changed.

Still respect it. Even if it makes no sense.

Mr. O’s not the boss of us!

We playing it or not?

Feminina:

I’m a busy woman. I don’t have time to make sense.

It’s already in my house, so I figure I’ll probably give it a try. But you decide! Take into consideration what the Forbes guy said: there’s almost no fast travel, and you spend a ton of time riding horses from one place to another.

And I read where some other people were complaining that you can’t just cut across country willy-nilly, because the horse will run into trees and die all the time. Which is not realistic behavior for a horse, but whatever. The point is, you have to follow the roads (though we’re used to that from Mafia 3, where most cars really don’t go offroad very well).

So…you decide whether you want to play a big epic game with no fast travel. You hated the lack of fast travel in Mafia 3 more than I did. I can’t be responsible for your misery!

I care too much, my friend.

Butch:

Well, I hear the mechanic is more like it was in TW3, that the horse stays on the road if you hold a button or something. Or just rides and stuff. So its no fast travel per se, but I think it’s more automatic than having to drive to the damn bayou every time.

By the way:

“I’m a busy woman. I don’t have time to make sense.”

T SHIRT!!!!!!!!

RDR2 it is.

You’re gonna love it.

Back to the game we’re playing now: Abby kinda vanished, didn’t she? Ah, well.

Feminina:

Abby has turned up again, but not (so far) to any great effect. A bit disappointing. Ah well.

Butch:

Ah, well. Poor Sassy Female Person of Color. Poor Jonah.

Feminina:

The good news is, neither of them is dead yet! But there’s plenty of game left, so that could still happen at any time.

Butch:

Hard to believe you still have plenty of game left after a long week at home.

Or are you talking about me?

You’re talking about me.

Feminina:

I still have a fair amount! Probably! I don’t know, that would require remembering the “percent complete” number from one day to the next. I think it’s 79 or something.

So like I said, there’s game left.