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Puncherson_64LadyBrain_64

Some spoilers for side quests in Red Dead Redemption 2

Butch:

Ok, played, but I really have to move the story along.

Had a brainstorm about finding a cheat (I was right! I can now…summon a race horse whenever I want! Never be without a horse again! Wanna know the code?), had a brainstorm about where to find a treasure (I was right! But it took a while…….), got the next map and had a brainstorm about where THAT was….(and….I was wrong. Which took a LOOOOONG time), and then I cheated and looked it up cuz holy shit I wasn’t going to spend half a damn hour on nothing, and then I had to ride somewhere else entirely which took a LOOOOOONG time. Got a third map, and had the brainstorm that maybe I should knock it off with the brainstorms.

And now I’m back in Valentine. Gotta eat, gotta sleep, gotta do something nice for Roach who has been very patient this whole time. He even stayed put while I looked for a stupid treasure in a “legendary Wolf zone.”

“Arrrrthhhrrrr [this is the best Mr. Ed horse voice I can write], can we gooo now? Plueeze?”
“In a second boy…..”
“The carrrrots sooo aren’t wrrrrth this.”

Then to Blackwater!

Probably.

Cuz the thing with that nature guy happened again! It was there, then it wasn’t. So maybe that.

Ha.

Feminina:

That nature photographer guy is nothing but trouble. Maybe he’s a random encounter because sometimes he gets attacked by wolves or something and you can go rescue him if you’re around in time, and otherwise he mysteriously survives anyway. Or something.

Dude. Move that story. I went back for the bounty I was so annoyed by before. The fight was a similar difficulty, but I think my horse was tougher this time, because the guys I had to fight AFTERWARDS the first time, who wanted to steal my bounty for themselves, they showed up and I was just like “I’m out of here” and outran them easily. Before, I couldn’t get away from them. Hooray for maximum horse bonding, I guess.

Anyway, that’s what I did. $100 bounty, man. Can’t sneer at that.

Butch:

See? After a serious setback, the best thing to do is to just get back on that horse!

****rimshot****

Thank you, thank you, I’ll be here all week.

That nature guy is very elusive, that he is.

Roach and I are so bonded it’s ridiculous. All those carrots. I even throw him a sugar cube from time to time. Just cuz.

I’ll move the story tonight! Just gonna get cleaned up in Valentine, reload at camp, then it is ON!

Feminina:

I recommend a bath. Get the grime and filth of life off yourself for a change.

Oh, and for your character too.

Hahahaha, I’ll also be here all week! Good thing it’s Friday.

Butch:

Well played. Well played.

Though, on a serious hygiene note, I have actually refused to have Arthur shave in the game if it would make it such that he’s better groomed than I am. I kinda get lazy with the shaving, you see, and, for a spell, I was doing better keeping Arthur shaved than I was keeping myself shaved.

This upset me, so now Arthur shaves less. Which, of course, is the only practical solution to this particular neurosis.

Feminina:

That’s fair. Very fair.

I’m always more clean shaven than Arthur (so far anyway) so this doesn’t work for me, but I fully validate it as a solution.

Butch:

Thank you.

It makes sense, really. Arthur never has to worry about children doing awful things when he’s shaving. He can shave whenever he wants.

It’s a good life, the cowboy life.

He even gets champagne in the bath tub!

Feminina:

Arthur’s got it easy, man. All these people wanting him dead and his way of life coming to an end are minor inconveniences compared with the luxury of shaving whenever he has a mind to.

Speaking of his way of life coming to an end, I was looking at the title screen while loading the other day and noticing the stars (in much the style of the stars on the U.S. flag) all over the ground on which the little guys are racing their horses towards…whatever.

That’s an obviously intentional design choice we could ponder. The land/the nation is both the open free countryside on which they’ve roamed, and the hostile government the laws of which they trample beneath their feet?

The ‘open west’ is the dream version of the vast, expansive American ideal? I dunno, I just noticed it.

Butch:

Dude, it’s a trade I’d make. Throw in being able to shower without interruption, or, dare I say it, use the…ahem…outhouse in peace, and I’ll take anyone wanting me dead.

I think you could read the title screen either way. It IS, in a way, the free open countryside. We certainly have all sorts of American tropes holding up the free cowboy, roaming the range, as the epitome of what it “means to be American.” And yet, America itself is destroying all that.

I do wonder….did you stumble across the Indian reservation? I didn’t go in, because it said “guns forbidden” and I figured it would be important later.

So it’s gonna go there. I wonder what it will say.

Feminina:

I have not been to the reservation! I encountered another reference to Indians that was interesting, but it was in a quest you’ll get (major character gives it), so we’ll talk later.

Butch:

Interesting….

But yeah, there’s a big assed reservation way up there. Near the place with the treasure. The RIGHT place with the treasure.

Heh.

Feminina:

ONE TIME I bothered to look for treasure. I thought “hey, that landscape looks kind of right, I’ll ride over and check it out,” so I rode over, and it was right. But then the next map I just thought “I don’t see anything from here that looks like this, so hell with it.”

I’m pretty much just figuring if I stumble across something that looks right, I’ll try to get the treasure, but I can’t be bothered to ride all over creation on purpose to look for natural features.

I mean, I like treasure, I surely do, but I’m also very lazy. You can see the conflict.

Butch:

Well, don’t overthink.

Cuz there’s going to be a map that has three things on it. And you might, you MIGHT, think “Hey….there’s something on the map that says ‘Three sisters!’ THREE! I’m gonna go there and GET SOME TREASURE!”

If you think that, you’re wrong.

Trust me.

Feminina:

Duly noted. I will not be taken in.

Butch:

Do not be. Do not think you are wise.

Thought I was being so damn clever.

Ah, well.

Oh! I know something else I did! I took a train! It’s very handy. And I got there, and there was ol’ Roach all “What took you so long?”

That saved time.

Which I wasted on going to places with no treasure and finally killing a rabbit. But was it the RIGHT rabbit? I don’t think so. I couldn’t mail it. I was just there, holding it, rather sheepishly, at the post office while the clerk was all “Uh….”

So I took it to the shop thinking I’d sell it, and the dude said “GET THAT MESS OUT OF MY STORE!”

Even when I do the right thing I’m wrong.

T SHIRT!!!!

Feminina:

The WRONG RABBIT!!!

Terrible. Hilarious, but terrible. I can just see the station clerk, all “uh…you don’t seriously expect me to put that rotting, bullet-riddled thing into the mail, do you?”

Good times. This is why I never try to help out people who want to taxidermy things. Taxidermize? Is that a verb?

Whatever.

Butch:

Dude, I even used a bow!

I gotta give it to the game in terms of detail though. After the dude was all “GET THAT MESS OUT OF MY STORE,” I left, Arthur was all “All right, all right,” I skinned it, dropped it (poor, poor rabbit) and went back in. Arthur said “Better?” and the shopkeep said “Yes, sir. Thank you kindly.”

Most games don’t do that sort of thing, dialog wise. Props.

Feminina:

Props. Props indeed. I do appreciate thoughtful and responsive dialogue.

Oh, and speaking of the nation and the way of life and all that, one thing different about the bounty is this time I didn’t kill the guy, I took him back alive. And he was talking the whole time, very themey stuff about how he was a citizen of the free nation of Lemoyne, and wasn’t bound by the laws of the United States, and I had no right to take him back, and so forth. Kind of the logical endpoint of Dutch’s desire to be free of the crushing hand of government, isn’t it?

It was purely by accident both that I killed him the first time, and that I didn’t kill him this time. I couldn’t even tell which dude was him in the heat of battle, so it’s not that I intentionally avoided shooting him. But if you CAN tell it’s him, and you go after Lindsay Wafford for the bounty, try to leave him alive for the conversation.

Butch:

That’s good stuff! I kinda want to get back to the bounties now. I think. Cuz if you go back and do the other one in valentine, there’s theme there too if you let her talk on the way back.

Actually, you should do that. There’s lots to talk about.

Now that you’re ok with bounties again.

Feminina:

I haven’t been back to Valentine other then…uh…this one time…well, I’ll try heading back and see if they’ll give me another bounty.

I didn’t leave on the best terms, let’s just say, but wonders can be accomplished with the passage of time, and ones native charm, and especially with paying off the bounty on oneself.

Butch:

That’ll happen.

Worth it for the bloggage.

Feminina:

I’ll get on it.

Oh, wait, is that “she’s sleepin’ up near [wherever], and word has it she ain’t sleepin’ alone”? I did pick that quest up, I just haven’t pursued it.

I shall! Surely even if I’m wanted myself, they’ll HAVE to pay me if I show up with a bounty for them.

“Hey, brought you something, no hard feelings right?”

“Here’s your payment. You’re under arrest.”

Ha.

Butch:

That’s the one. You’ll have…opinions.

Could be worse. Remember, for a while there, I was hitting the wrong button and punching things by accident? Like I punched roach and had to reload?

Well, one bounty, brought the dude back, put him down, sheriff put my money on the table, went to pick it up, punched the sheriff.

Died.

As one does.

Feminina:

I did that with my first bounty! Only I didn’t actually punch him, I just bumped into him while I walked up, trying to go over to him like “hey, I got this dude you wanted,” and apparently bumping the sheriff is a HUGE no-no.

And then I punched a random horse quite recently, when I meant to “study” it instead. What with the punching and the quick draw, this game sure does make violence the default action.

Butch:

We’re still learning. I just found out I could jump! And shimmy kinda! I climbed up on top of a building just because I could.

And there was Roach, sitting there, looking at me all “I tell ya, someday I’m just gonna have to say fuck it, keep your damn carrots, moron.”

Although….

Yesterday, when I was looking for the treasure, Roach followed me up this really steep rock thing. I went down without him, and whistled, and he was stuck. I had to climb all the way back up, saying “Why did you follow me, Roach?” to lead him down.

You could tell, in his eyes, he was saying “We shall speak of this to no one. And I forgive you some of your stupidity. Now hand over the carrots.”

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