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No spoilers


I got nothing. Mrs. McP came home early, the kids went nuts, I spent the rest of the night being a shrink and drinking booze. I even missed the end of the sporting event I was interested in.

I gotta play today. I’m getting itchy.

But I gotta buy food, get a haircut, go to the cleaners and, most importantly, buy more booze.

But I gotta play.

Can we talk about Mother’s Day or is that too dull?


I don’t have anything either. I looked wistfully at What Remains of Edith Finch (as you reminded me, free this month, we can play it eventually) while the kids were getting a video, but I had to do lunch stuff. By the time that was done, forget it.

Also, I’d forgotten Mother’s Day was this weekend until last night, so I don’t even have anything to say about that except that I’m a terrible child.


Terrible child? Dude. Once you have two, and one is old enough to understand the basics, the day is about you. You are a mother. You can not be terrible this weekend. Mr O, Blasto and Grigio can.

As can I, as I have no fucking idea what to do for both my own mother and the mother of my children. It’s a twofer.

I’d ask you what mothers want, but you’d likely say “I’d be good with a couple hours with the PS4,” which isn’t much of a help in my household.

And the weather looks shitty, so I can’t even grill and satisfy them with cooking.

Going out isn’t an option, cuz the kid’ll be nuts.

Maybe I’ll just let Mrs. McP play some games.



I still HAVE a mother, though, man! I’m still supposed to remember my own mother. And my grandmother. And my mother-in-law. And possibly my sisters and sister-in-law who are mothers, although honestly they’re on their own. I’ll send them a text on Sunday.

Yup, I’m a terrible child. And mediocre sister. I’m just going to go with it.

As for what mothers like…probably booze? Mostly?

Make them some fancy cocktails and they’ll never even realize it’s too dreary out to grill.


Terrible child, but a great mother. Even if you let them watch weird cartoons. Who doesn’t?

I, however, have to fete my wife. It’s very important to give a mother a day off from making snacks, feeding everyone, doing household chores, putting everyone to bed, making sure everyone has brushed their teeth, that sort of thing. It’s thankless work! And really, celebrating the people who do it once a year is, when you think about it, nowhere near enough.

So here’s to all the mothers out there. Where would we be without them?


Hey, I do some of that! Sometimes!

Oh, sorry. I thought you were being sarcastic. More sarcastic.

I don’t even aim for great. I aspire to be an adequate mother who, before my eventual, inevitable, impalement on a rusty spike, is able to give my children the skills they need to move on and survive in the fungapocalypse.


Sarcastic? Never.

Just throwing out observations. Observations laden with irony.

Maybe my kids are already infected. That would explain a lot.

I should just get Mrs. McP a spike for mother’s day.


I’m not sure I can improve on Hotmail’s suggested responses:

“I agree with you.”

I mean…I can’t pick just one, those are all on point. Although I prefer to spell it “OK.”

I mean, I know it’s arguably not a proper acronym because it doesn’t really stand for anything (possibly-apocryphal explanations about ‘oll korrect’ aside), so maybe it’s not WRONG, to spell it with a capital O and a small k, but…no, it’s wrong. It’s just wrong.

Ok spells something pronounced like “ock” or “oak.” It’s not obviously pronounced O-K unless you capitalize both letters.

WRONG, Hotmail. Wrong wrong wrong!

All I want for Mother’s Day is for Hotmail to use correct spelling and grammar in my auto-suggested responses. Otherwise, how can I ever trust it to write our blog posts for us?

Random side-thought…do you suppose it IS smart enough to pick up on common nonstandard linguistic habits, like, I don’t know, “lol” for when you want to say something is funny, and to use them in the suggestions for people who themselves use them? For people who habitually use “lol,” will it fill that in as a response for things that the program interprets as potentially amusing?

I can’t test it without sending a lot of messages from another account that I set up just to send lolz from. I’m not going to do that. But someone should work on it and get back to me.

Anyway, if it doesn’t do that now, you know it soon will.

I…feel just fine about that. It’s going to be great. We’re gonna love it.


You have another account? That’s like blogdultery. I feel so unclean.

Okay is also OK, you know.



Lots of possibilities.

I intentionally use “cuz” in the blog because (intentional linguistic irony, and to show I know how to spell because) I am going for the conversational style that is our blog’s shtick. If we’re going to really get angry at hotmail, then let’s take a moment to mention that it thinks it’s spelling “OK” (or “Okay,” if you like) correctly, but it thinks I’m misspelling shtick. And schlep.

Probably thought Strauss was a-OK (or a-okay if you prefer).


No, no, I DON’T have another account. And I don’t want to set one up for that purpose. Which is only one of the reasons I’m not going to test out the autosuggested responses to various informal linguistic quirks.

I’m OK with okay. I don’t prefer it, but I acknowledge it. If you don’t like anything in all-caps, it’s the way to go. But “Ok” is not O.K.

Interesting article–I didn’t realize ‘oll korrect’ was actually the best-evidenced explanation! Way to go Boston journalists.

I have no problem with ‘cuz,’ either. But if you suddenly start spelling it ‘cuzz,’ I’ll think “all right, what the hell is this nonsense?”

Because there’s an established tradition here we gotta work with! Speaking of, “gotta” and “gonna,” I use those all the time. But I don’t spell them got’a and gunna or anything. I spell them the way they’re most commonly spelled, because that’s the way most people are going to recognize them and understand what I mean.

Which is another point: I’m not really trying to lay down the law and say ‘Ok’ is objectively wrong and no one can use it. I mean, I kind of did, but mostly for funny. I don’t actually care if other people write it Ok — I can generally figure out what they mean and they can obviously do what they like.

I’m mostly trying to lay down the law on what I MYSELF would use, the better to educate Hotmail into providing me with plausible autoresponses.

And I’m sure it’s taking copious notes, so I expect results any moment now.


Ah. Good. I’m sorry I doubted you. I feel better now. Phew.

Though this is what we’ve come to. I wish I had played. I didn’t play. I was putting a new weed whacker together. Why’d I buy a house again?

Hey yeah! You do do that with gotta and gonna! OK, now I’m not so down on cuz.

I wouldn’t expect much from Hotmail. Remember, it thinks I’m a Mexican miller high life drinker who likes show tunes. And is always in the market for a new car. Much is getting lost in translation.


Or…is that just what it wants you to think it thinks?

Putting a weed whacker together…dude. You sure know how to live.

Buying a house really sucks the fun out of everything, doesn’t it? I mean, I can’t even properly enjoy the lovely flowers that came up, because I also see all the weeds I’m not pulling. Or whacking.

Maybe I’ll make the children pull weeds on Sunday while I play video games. Now THAT’s a luxurious day for me.


Dude, that’s living the dream.

Maybe I’ll let Mrs. McP weed while I play video games. She might actually like that.

It’s a really nice weed whacker! It’s adjustable and cordless and flips up so you can edge and oh who am I kidding. I’m gonna go weep.


I also weep for you, my friend. I weep for you.

And myself. Because of the weeds.

But at least there’s booze! And video games sometimes. Having a room in which to play video games is pretty much the primary purpose of a house.

Sleeping is secondary.

And cocktails for mothers, that’s up there.


Oh that’s a given. Holy lord, is that a given.

My mother has cut way back on the red wine cuz of reflux (woman drinks nothing but coffee and red wine, and often goes through the day eating nothing but yogurt and cranberry sauce until dinner….gee, wonder why she got reflux?) but she doesn’t want to give up booze, what, you know, being a mother and all, so I’m trying to up my cocktail game. My mixology chops were pretty much “Pour whiskey in glass. Add an ice cube,” and I was very, very ok with that. Maybe a gin and tonic, maybe a martini if I was feeling really fancy pants, but cocktails? Who needs those? Who even WANTS those?

Turns out, my mother.

I’ve gotten very good at negronis, I must say. That’s been a hit. And cosmos. Old fashioneds have gone over well with my father.

I’ll stick to the whiskey in a glass, though.


Fancy cocktails, fancy finger sandwiches and tiny fancy cookies with gold leaf or something, they’ll feel all decadent and feted, and then they’ll pass out and you can go play games.

It’s gonna be great.

Although that does still leave you on the hook for gold-leafed cookies. Maybe make your dad bring those. He has to chip in too!


****pictures father making gold leaf cookies****

****correction: tries to picture father making gold leaf cookies****

****realizes there are limits to the capacity of the human brain****

And, sadly, both mother and wife talk louder when they drink. This is not conducive to game time.


Drat. I thought I was onto something there. But those are significant hurdles, indeed.


See? It’s one obstacle after another. This is why you’re always ahead of me. Life just doesn’t want me to play games.

I might as well just have cocktails, too. And by cocktails I mean my specialty: pour whiskey in glass. Add ice cube.

I make a mean one of those.

Had a lot of practice.


No, you’re right. Mix up your mean one of those or three and relax. To the extent that you can, with all the talking and weeding distracting you from video games.

Happy Mother’s Day, mothers out there. I hope you play some games.