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No spoilers because one of us (mentioning no names) can’t keep on track


It’s too hot and humid. This week got to all of us last night. Well, to me. I sat down to play and fell asleep holding the controller. Seriously.

So I got nothing.

But if you saw Elpinor then I have a lot to say! Or some to say! So….did you?


I did not! I was going to, but…there was a viewpoint over there…and a cave full of bears…and a bounty hunter pursuing me (conveniently, he stumbled into my fight with the bears, and I was able to hide in the bushes and heal while the bear dealt with him for me)…and I was right next to where I had to go to talk to the Pythia…you know how it is.

Ooh, and I ran into the very top-ranked mercenary of all! Since he’s level 800 or something, I elected not to attack him right that minute, but at least I know he’s waiting for me, somewhere, sometime, when I get tough enough.

But going to talk to and possibly murder Elpenor is definitely next on my to-do list. Absolutely, pinkie swear, definitely gonna happen, no doubt about it.

Unless I run into some more bears.


Sigh. I’ve blogged with you long enough that I know when I type “So…I’ll have something to say if you did X” that I’m gonna get three paragraphs saying “Why no, I did not do X.”

Especially in a game like this. I totally forgot the power of your magpie. Are you seeing question marks when you close your eyes at night?

I’ll try to fight my way up to the oracle tonight. I should be more awake. Going to take the kids to the movies, so there should be fewer fights to break up.

I hate bears.


Elpenor was FAR AWAY. The question marks were RIGHT THERE. I defy you to find any rational person who would not find the question marks infinitely more important.

I can make that challenge with confidence, because I know you don’t have anyone to talk to except kids.

Movie is a good call, though. What are you going to see?


Yeah, man. When you say “Find someone else who….” you know I’m drawing from a very small pool of possible someone elses. Shit, this week “grocery store cashier” isn’t even in that pool.

Seeing Aladdin. Junior saw it last week and said it was good and wants to see it again. Whatever. Dark, comfy chairs, hopefully no fighting.

I may take a nap. I know the songs already.


Oh right, the latest in Disney’s drive to live-action all their classics. Supposed to be fun, I heard.

And I mean…it’s money. More power to ’em, I guess. And yeah, comfy chairs, dark, no fighting…totally worth it. TAKE MY MONEY DISNEY! Too bad it’s only a couple of hours long.

I’ll write to Disney and tell them they need to remake Imitation of Christ. For all the desperate parents out there.


I would see that twice. Maybe three times. As long as it was dark and the chairs were comfy.


You and Mr. O’ both, man.

I’d say “you and me both,” but in fact I’ll be at work.


Yes. Quiet, blissful work.

So I bit the bullet and got groceries delivered from Whole Foods. There’s a painful irony to ordering organic frozen fudge bars and having them come in about 27 pounds of plastic insulating packaging.


I have observed that painful irony! Not specifically with fudge bars, but yeah, with that “wholesome, sound environmental choice defeated by massive amounts of single-use petroleum-based packaging.” And obviously you don’t want your temperature-sensitive items to arrive all melted, but…yeah.


I mean, shit. This stuff came from the same whole foods I go to when I don’t have kids around. I somehow manage to get my fudge bars home without them melting, just in ordinary bags.

Ah, well. Next week I go back to buying my own damn food. And playing video games.


Yeah, but if they DID melt while in your car, it would be your fault and you couldn’t (reasonably) complain to Whole Foods about it, so they don’t care. “Get them home unmelted, don’t get them home unmelted, what’s it to us?” they’d say.

Whereas if they’re delivering them, they’re responsible right up until the item is at your door, and they will take any means necessary to stave off the possibility of meltage-related customer dissatisfaction, including 27 pounds of insulating plastic.

It’s just good business, man.


True, but they should also know that a large part of their customer base is green hippies like us. We go there cuz they HAVE the organic fudgie bars, man! Now I’m not going to do this again cuz waste!

Until I am, once again, unable to do anything cuz kids.

Kids. They’ll end the damn world.



Hm…it’s true that hippies would probably cheerfully embrace a slightly melted but plastic-free box of frozen treats, but their customer base is really more the comfortable, middle class green-hippie-adjacent types, than it is the true hippies, right? Does your sister-in-law shop there? That’s the test.

But in terms of “let’s sacrifice a little visual appeal for sustainability,” Whole Foods is not out there with dented can racks of “this was damaged in shipping but is still good” items. Nor are they famous for their minimalist “let’s save money and the planet with simple generic packages on our store-brand stuff!”

I guess I just think they’re more about the image of wholesomeness and responsible ecological stewardship, than they are about the reality, and a lot of their customers (me included), are responding more to that image than we are to a rational evaluation of its positive impact on the environment or whatever. And I think most of them (you excluded) would be more likely to refuse to re-order based on getting a soggy box of melted fudge bars, than on getting a lot of extra packaging.

After all, if we were REAL hippies, we’d be making our own damn fudge bars out of carob powder and homemade soy milk. That’s what my mom would have done! Except we didn’t have a freezer. Your sister-in-law is probably doing it right now, though.

My grandmother did use to make frozen juice pops in those Tupperware molds, remember those? Those were awesome. She had no truck with carob, though. A wise woman. Carob is a travesty.


I know quite a bit about food, and I have no idea what carob is, except my mother used to buy carob covered raisins and I’m still traumatized.

My sister in law doesn’t shop anywhere. I think she eats yard clippings and drinks morning dew.

Dude, we still make juice pops. Still. Even yogurt pops. The fudge bars are just for when I don’t have time.

You don’t make your own pops? And you call yourself a hippie.

Wait….no freezer?


We didn’t have electricity, so how were we going to have a freezer? We’d keep stuff cold sometimes by submerging it in the ditch. Just hope it doesn’t float away.

And we don’t consume pops, man! If we did, I’d make them, but…they’re…uh…a tool of the Man. The Man loooooooooves some juice pops.

Also, I never think about them so it just doesn’t come up.

I don’t know what carob is either, other than a truly pathetic substitute for chocolate. It’s…it might not even be that terrible if you don’t try to pretend it’s chocolate, but they always pretend it’s chocolate. And it never, ever, remotely is.


“Submerging it in the ditch…..”

Too many jokes came to mind at once for me to make any of them.

The Man does love himself some juice pops. That he do.


THE MAN: Mm…with these cool, refreshing juice pops, I shall enforce my rule across the land to keep the little guy (and gal) down for my own benefit!!!!

[evil laughter spraying juice everywhere]


I bet The Man splurges on pineapple juice, too.


Undoubtedly. The Man spares no expense!

For himself.


This got weird. But I’m ok with that. It’ll make bigassed blue Will Smith seem pretty normal.


We’re all about helping each other out.


That we are.

And, gotta give Will Smith credit….man knows how to draw out a movie. That was LOOOONG.

But hey! Kept the kids busy!

Well done, Fresh Prince. Well done.


Nice work, Mr. Smith! Keep ’em cool and quiet!