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Puncherson_64LadyBrain_64

Minor spoilers for sidequests in AC: Odyssey

Butch:

Well, I got nothing more. I’ll play some today. Supplies to burn, you know.

I really must get this homework thing under control. You should be very happy you were home schooled. For you, doing seventh grade homework won’t be a rerun! It’s all new to you! I, however, have already done all of this shit, and it was annoying then, too.

But it’s timed horribly poorly. That is supposed to be GAME time, not printing social studies projects time.

We’d be a lot happier if we were shitty parents.

T SHIRT!!!!!

Feminina:

That’s a good T shirt!

I ran around Attika a bit. Saw that ruined temple of Athena you mentioned. Went into a tomb that had, for some reason, wolves in it. Also vultures.

I mean, snakes are always in tombs, you expect that, but wolves? They probably came in hunting me. Oh well, free leather!

Butch:

Well, you must admit, the wolves in this game are kinda weird. All sorts of tasty wild game around, but do they go for that? No. Only humans. That’s sorta creepy, when you think on it.

The tomb snakes aren’t any saner. Remember Raiders? “Snakes….why did it have to be snakes?” Those snakes acted like snakes. All over the place. Makes sense. Greek tomb snakes all seem to arrange themselves perfectly symmetrically around chests, and perfectly place themselves, centered, on tiles in corners.

Those are some fastidious snakes. Gotta respect that.

Feminina:

I do respect that. I do.

As I respect the wolves’ determination to take on the most dangerous game of all: man.

Or, you know, woman. Or demi-god. Wolves like a challenge!

Worse than wolves, are the lynxes. They jump on your back and won’t come off. I hate that.

Butch:

Oh dude, fuck those things.

I don’t believe you’re doing the legendary animal shit. Those things are impossible.

Live and let live. They’re happy in their pits and their waterfalls? More power to them.

Feminina:

I’m not touching the legendary animals! I’m just talking about random wild animal attacks.

Naw, hell with those quests to kill legendary animals. Also, apparently, there are MYTHICAL monsters you can fight, like Medusa. And hell with that. Not going near it.

Butch:

Oh HELL no. I can’t even kill a lion. I ain’t even with Medusa.

Given your magpie, anything that ends with YOU, of all people, saying “And hell with that. Not going near it” is a thing no one should even consider going near.

OK, I did fitness, I did chores, I’m gonna shower and play.

And we’ll see how burning war supplies compares to laundry and dusting in the chore department.

Feminina:

More likely to find drachmae hidden in jars in the game!

More likely to find U.S. currency lost in the sofa in the real world.

Butch:

Sigh. This game is cruel sometimes.

First, it hits you with irony. I take a side quest. I have to find an artist. You do this? Cuz, if you did, you know a) finding a crack in a cave sucks and b) I killed a poor, innocent, legendary bear. This with Grizz, Nugget’s favorite bear, sitting next to me.

Sigh.

Then off I went to do chores, I mean, burn stuff. In so doing, I randomly stumbled on a dude who I had to free, so at least I got that done without having to do shit twice.

Then, burn stuff I did.

All this took over an hour.

And my reward? The cruel, cruel reward?

Three fucking boats I gotta destroy.

Boats.

This game is cruel.

Feminina:

Yeah, this part is cruel. Because in order to help mom and advance the story, you HAVE to do the boat fight. No way around it.

I mean, I personally don’t think the naval combat is that bad, but it’s not my favorite thing ever (that would probably be silently assassinating people from the bushes). And I know it sucks to have to slog through stuff to get to the story.

I did do the artist story…that felt like it should have had more going on.

“Oh no, actually I love our leader, I was just paid/threatened into this!” I mean, it’s nice that mom is so beloved that only outside agitators can rouse any complaints about her, but it would have been more believably human to present some section of the citizenry on her island that genuinely disagreed with her (while perhaps not actually wanting to see her dead and Paros take over).

But then, that’s a level of subtlety and complication that is probably more than we can reasonably ask from a 10-minute sidequest.

Butch:

Add that quest to the list of quests that had such potential….

It was more than ten minutes cuz I couldn’t find the damn crack in the wall. Grumble.

That aside, there have been lots of ten minute side quests in other games that have had bloggage to spare.

Naval combat in order to progress is about as bad as needing to lasso a dude to progress. Just….don’t. Don’t, game. Don’t.

Feminina:

Oh man, lassoing dudes…yeah. That was pretty much the worst. And I would always manage to somehow let them go, and then have to lasso them again!

Pretty please, can I just shoot them?

Butch:

At least when you sink a boat, you can’t let it back up again.

Though this…..the only thing worse than having to fight a boat is having to fight multiple boats at the same time. I HATE that. I always fuck up the camera angle, everything.

On that, have you ever tried to aim arrows from your boat, and it aims over the wrong side? That keeps happening and I have no idea, once aimed, how to tell my dumbass archers “Dudes, it’s over THERE!”

Feminina:

Hm. No. I have not really noticed that problem. Your archers must be extra dumbass! Or else everything is such a haze of battle that I don’t even notice.

I often shoot over the ship I mean to be aiming at…but not off the opposite side of my boat from them.

Butch:

It’s awful.

I’ve turned the boat shit down to easy. And ran like hell from pirates.

They should’ve let you spend some ability points on boat shit. I don’t really use or want half the abilities I have, but “better captain” ones would’ve been quite welcome.

Feminina:

Oh, yeah! Skill points that would make your captains do useful things for you, like “hey you, handle this battle while I browse through my inventory”–that would be extremely useful.

Butch:

I’ll settle for “Smarter archers.” And “Remember how to do fire.” I’ve only done fire once, and that was by accident, out of combat.

And certainly “Bangable lieutenants” would be pure gold.

Feminina:

I use fire a fair amount, but I’m still not sure exactly how. I’ll be all “ATTACK!!!!!” and sometimes there will be fire, and sometimes just arrows, and sometimes nothing because the archers are resting or whatever. I think you have to hold both triggers at once for fire? Or something? Naval combat is kind of an exercise in trigger-mashing for me, yet somehow gets the job done most of the time.

I’m pretty sure most of your great naval commanders throughout history have approached it the same way.