Tags

, , ,

Puncherson_64LadyBrain_64

Minor spoilers for Tales of Ancient Greece (or whatever) quests in AC: Odyssey

Butch:

I got nothing. Well, I got a cold, so I went to bed very early. I’ll play today. But I also got back to school night tonight and it’s HALF DAY TUESDAY tomorrow so things are dark.

Sigh.

AND I have a cold. Did I mention the cold?

Feminina:

Oh man. Tuesday already haunts you. The worst day of the week.

Have you considered private school? Just for one day a week maybe? Ha.

I played a bit, but mostly to race across the country to check out another Tale of Ancient Greece since we agreed that’s where the good stuff is. Heard about some guy who’s impersonating me, calling himself the Eagle Bearer! This will not stand.

Butch:

We do agree on that. Have you moved through the main story at all? Cuz if we’re at the same place, I’ll take some time to zip around doing Tales.

I kinda like the one day a week idea.

“Hey, I know it costs fifteen grand a year to go here, but how about I give you three and you take him on Tuesdays?”

Might work. Might.

Feminina:

I have not done a damn thing with the main story. I’m just puttering around looking for blue exclamation points. I know I should be looking for my father, but…I think I need some time to process. You know. Think about parents, gods, godly parents. Whether it’s better to know your parents or not.

Butch:

Sigh.

OK, played. Picked a blue quest that was closest to a fast travel point, which turned out to be a village full of women way the fuck back in Phokis. You do this one? I did a lot of it. Sons of Xerxes comin’ to kill ’em?

Sigh. Just….this game never makes shit easy, does it?

Feminina:

I did not do that! I’m trying to save a village from pirates right now. I haven’t been to a village full of women.

Butch:

It’s interesting.

But game, if you’re gonna make me go a place I’ve been, then another place I’ve been, put fast travel points near them! Much running.

I’m curious to see your take on this.

Feminina:

I’m curious to see what it is! These blue quests really are where it’s at. I’ll look for that one as soon as I’m done fighting pirates in Lokris. It’s going to be great.

Butch:

Oh, is that “A bad day?” or something? That was my second choice. Cuz it was close to a fast travel point.

And it’s been a while since I said hi to salty bear.

Feminina:

Yeah, “a really, really bad day,” I think–that’s the one. I, too, remembered the salt flats fondly. The salty bear is long dead…unless another bear has taken up the mantle! There’s not a question mark in the area for it, so I’m not going to go check.

And yeah, there’s not really a fast travel point near it, so I had to run through half of Beoetia or wherever. Although that was also moderately interesting, because this was the same area I was running around in when I was about level 12 and got sidetracked on the way to find the Wolf, remember? When I was wandering around being obliterated by the angry wild boars, and stealing loot I couldn’t use for 20 levels?

Now I’m back! The boars are were still angry. But at least I can use the loot I steal, although of course I don’t because it’s never anything I care about.

Butch:

You know, it occurs to me that our playing the good parts of this game is going to make it take even longer to finish…..

I don’t want to play this forever. I don’t.

Feminina:

Well…but if we don’t play the good parts, it will FEEL like we’re playing forever because it just goes on and on without anything interesting happening.

It’s a fine balance, though, to be sure.

Maybe just a little back and forth: a Tale of Ancient Greece, then some main story, then a Tale of Ancient Greece?

Butch:

Probably should do that.

But we’re going to end up playing forever anyway, aren’t we?

Feminina:

Naw.

Even with all its flaws, I’m pretty sure this game doesn’t have a 10-hour epilogue after the main story ends. We’ll finish! Almost certainly.

Butch:

Oh it doesn’t have that. It just has twelve billion hours of whatever before the main story (such as it is) ends.

Feminina:

You’re such a pessimist. Mr. O’ did stuff we’re never going to even think about doing, and even he only spent 134 hours.

So call it 9 billion, at most.

Butch:

130 hours……….

No.

I was actively thinking of ways to be more verbose regarding my feelings about 130 hours, but sometimes you can sum up a thought in a simple word.

And, regarding this, that word is “no.”

Feminina:

I don’t really need more words than that, either.

Butch:

Which is good cuz right now it’s not even half day Tuesday and we’ve got Nugget showing off his clarinet skills for my visiting two year old niece while the other two get mad and nana narrates the whole thing on video like an annoying British YouTuber.

So I’m out of words.

Feminina:

Just start laughing like a hyena in the background.

Butch:

We’ll be rich!

It’s gonna be great.

In a total aside, I drop this here so that, in those moments where we think we’re the weirdest people on the internet, we’re not:

Polygon: KFC is apparently creating a Colonel Sanders dating sim

God DAMN I love video games.

Feminina:

What a time to be alive!

Butch:

You’re gonna have to get it. Even if you are a vegetarian, you still have to make sure the Colonel LOOOOVVVVESSSSSS YOOOOOOOUUUUUUU!

Feminina:

I can’t wait! So much romance. So much crispy breading.