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Puncherson_64LadyBrain_64

Spoilers for the priestess story on Kythera in AC: Odyssey

Butch:

So I decided to take a short break from playing so you can stop running around doing god knows what and get to the point where you’re doing stuff that is blog worthy. That said, I suppose I have to start the post with something so I will offer a

Pearl of Parental Wisdom

to our faithful readers.

As you know, there are many things they do not tell you when you decide to become a parent. One of the more important ones is this: When you are the only adult in the house with your children and you decide to take a crap, a child related crisis is guaranteed to ensue during such time as you are taking the aforementioned crap.

It’s a certainty of the universe. Nature called around the time that Junior had to go to the bus stop. I checked in with Junior, reminded him to bring his trumpet home and find his science notebook, have a good day at school etc. Went and did my business, I come out, and JUNIOR IS STILL HERE. I’m all “DUDE! WHAT THE FUCK!” He’s all “Oh, didn’t know I had to go to the bus.”

I TOLD him go to the bus, trumpet, science notebook……

Now, Junior is in seventh grade. Junior has never, EVER missed the bus in his entire scholastic career. Seriously. Going back to kindergarten, he’s been on that big yellow miracle every single day of school. The ONE TIME I decide it’s safe to take care of business…..

It’s fucking uncanny. No pun intended.

I seriously hope you fucking played and we can talk about video games.

Feminina:

“I didn’t know I had to go to the bus.”

I see. That’s what you’re going with, Jr.? Interesting choice.

I played. Of course I played! But…I ran all over, talked to everyone on that damn island, and no sign of any mythical beasts. I did uncover a cultist, who I now need to kill. Maybe she’ll turn out to be (or at least be able to tell me about) the mythical beast.

Or maybe I had the wrong island. I swear the quest said “one is on Kythera,” which is where I am, but maybe it was Kythora or Kritastika or something instead. All these islands run together. I’ll look into that as soon as I’m done with the Cultist, because there is really nothing else to do on this particular island.

But it was kind of an interesting quest in that you first come across a priestess, Diona (for some reason pronounced ‘dee-own-ee”, fighting some bandits, right? (I’m going to just spoil the whole thing, assuming you don’t care enough to do it, but don’t read further if I’m wrong.)

SPOILERS

So you help her fend off the bandits, and she says they were sent by the cult. And she needs you to do three things before she can tell you more about the cult, so you do it. And also, she’s VERY seductive, which made me a bit suspicious because yeah, I am extremely attractive, and sure she’s a priestess of the Goddess of Love, but she was really laying the “you get sexier every moment” stuff on a bit thick. But hey, I flirted back, and I did the tasks she needed done, including speaking to her older sister, the Head Priestess, who has barricaded herself in the temple because someone is trying to kill her. Older sister happens to mention that Diona is wildly jealous of her and always wanted to be Head Priestess herself.

Hm. So I get back to Diona, and she’s all “I can’t wait to get you into bed!” and you can either sleep with her or not, and either way she then sends three big dudes to murder you. Turns out older sister was right: she WAS wildly jealous, wanted to be Head Priestess, joined the cult for the power, and now plans to murder her sister.

Good times.

Anyway, I have to go try to save the older sister and kill Diona the cultist. And maybe there will be a mythical beast in there somewhere.

But it was yet another look at family, and specifically of siblings rather than the parent/child stories that are more common, and I thought it was kind of interestingly similar to the situation with me and Alexios, where the cult is between two siblings, the older of whom is not a member, and the younger is. Though Diona apparently chose to join it out of jealousy, while Alexios was raised in it and is therefore not entirely responsible.

Butch:

You know, I can only lead with Pearls of Parental Wisdom for so long, here. Just saying.

We’re now in that “we’re just gonna spoil shit because fuck it” phase. We’re officially there.

Sigh. That does sound very interesting, and, had I not been playing this game for so long, I’d probably like that quest. But man, I have been playing this game and that just sounds like more of what we’ve been doing.

I really hope this isn’t going to become a trend in AAA games, this more is more thing. I find myself saying “This game would be good had it just trimmed the fat” a lot, not just with this game, but with a lot of games. MEA really started it. Mafia 3 ran with it.

Are you at least kinda close to a point where you can go back to the main story?

Feminina:

Well, probably, assuming I can find this mythical beast. I am one mythical beast short, man! I have to find that last one so I can take the artifacts back to dad!

That’s where I rejoin the main story. According to the plan anyway.

Butch:

I’m tempted to google it for you…..

You’ll have your chance to catch up. Next week looks like promising bloggage. After all, this weekend we’re back to TRAVEL BLOGGIN’ WITH BUTCH as I FINALLY get to celebrate my 20th anniversary by taking Mrs. McP down to a lovely, romantic hotel on the cape.

And I’ll come back Tuesday and you’ll be all “Just give me a couple more days, then I PROMISE I’ll do the actual story.”

Feminina:

Ah, good. I’ll do my best to find that monster, deal with dad’s issues, and get back to mom.

I have good intentions! I’m just trying to win the approval of both my absent parents, in an all-too-familiar story about the aftermath of childhood trauma.

Butch:

Except….this is a real fear, here.

You’re assuming that, upon killing the monster and getting the doohickey and going back to dad, that’ll END the questline. Why do you think this will end the questline? Given this game, each doohickey will give you three more things to do, and I’ll get back after a romantic weekend and you’ll be all “Hey, guess what? I made it to Atlantis and there are question marks EVERYWHERE!”

And then that’s it. We’re a parenting blog.

And the whole reason we blogged in the first place was to NOT talk about our kids!

Feminina:

Oh man…you’re right….

A whole Atlantis level full of question marks! With Atlantis forts to infiltrate and Atlantis captains to murder!

I’d never leave!

But on the other hand, Pythagoras told us he’s there by himself, right? So there can’t be forts full of captains, because where would they come from?

I’m going to cling to the belief that it won’t be another map the size of Greece.

CLING TO IT.

Butch:

Dude, even if it’s not the size of Greece, you gotta focus, here. We can’t play this game forever. I can’t play this game forever. We’re now at a point where other big stuff comes out THIS month!

You can’t be hoping for more and more and more, can you?

Feminina:

No, no. Not hoping for more and more. Hoping to start wrapping up some existing stuff. Clinging to that dream.

All right, listen, if I finish the monsters and get back to dad and it doesn’t wrap that bit up, I’ll just drop dad and go see mom and get back on her story.

After all, I know she has three very important things for me to do…

Butch:

OK, fair.

Because she does have three more things for you to do.

As does the guy she’s with. And the two dudes you’ll meet after that. And the guy at the start of this blue quest I’m doing.

Seriously.

Sigh.

Feminina:

Oh, I believe you.

Unfortunately.

Butch:

Well, there IS bloggage to be had. We just have to get back to doing the same stuff.

Feminina:

We will!

Just…you take a break, go on vacation, don’t worry about it. I’ll totally take care of the mythical beasts and catch up to you and we’ll be done in no time.

No problem. Very plausible scenario.

It’s gonna be great.

Butch:

Just….if you open the great gates of Atlantis and there’s question marks….RESIST!

Unless there’s nudity. Then I’ll totally understand if you pursue it.

Feminina:

Duly noted.

Bring on the vast gallery of Naked Zeus statues!

Butch:

Watch, it’ll really be that and I’ll have given you an excuse to play this forever.

Feminina:

I’ll make sure to send screencaps.

“This is Naked Zeus smiting his enemies with lightning…this is Naked Zeus in the bath…this is Naked Zeus enjoying a cocktail…”

Butch:

Stop it. Just stop. This is way too likely, and you’re upsetting me.

Feminina:

Nah, it’s not remotely likely. We’re talking about Atlantis, after all.

The statues will obviously be Naked Poseidon.

Butch:

Dude….I’m at trumpet And clarinet lessons. I’m already fragile here.

You’re not making me feel any better.