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Spoilers for the deathfog valley in Divinity: Original Sin 2

Butch:

So I nosed around in that valley place, past the lizards. Fought an annoying bigass voidwoken with some dead magistars, got loot. Found a succubus who was in love with a magistar, smooched, got a skill book (I sorta figure that she’d’ve given us that extra source slot. Guess we can’t have more). Learned about the covenant, because this game really needed more lore. Gave her the stone tablet that I didn’t give to Ryker cuz I killed him. Moral: If you want a tablet, smooch Lohse, don’t try to trick her. She was happy, and went to the Lady Vengeance to do…what? It said “She joined our cause.” Ooooookaaaaay…..which cause is that? Weren’t the covenant people trying to kill us?

I’M SO CONFUSED!!!!

Then fought some looters, met a cow that was amused that it was finally the humans getting cut up and burned and called it a night.

I’m very glad you told me that getting to the island was not tricky, because I’d probably spend the next part of forever looking around for the trick, saying “But I’ve been EVERYWHERE” and I’d never finish the game.

As for the rest…..man. This game got very, very good reviews, and I’m down with that. It’s good. I’m liking it a lot. But it was praised for being a WRITING masterpiece, and….I’m not so sure. Yes, the dialog is good, the themes are good, there’s a lot of good, but I think that a lot of people who are into fantasy (and, let’s face it, a lot of people that review games are probably kinda nerdy) mistake dense and complicated for good. So many fantasy fans think that you simply cannot overdo lore. No such thing as too much lore. I’m not one of those fans. I was looking forward to all this great writing and I’m sorta at a point where there are these big plot dumps and, instead of thinking BLOGGAGE! I’m thinking “Uh….what? Uh….sure. Whatever. You say so, game. I’ll just ask Femmy what’s going on.”

That’s kinda a bummer. And odd, cuz the first game didn’t fall into this trap.

Feminina:

Nah, man, that lady’s trying to ESCAPE the Black Ring! That’s why she needs the tablet (which I also gave her, since I killed Ryker) to make the Swornbreaker. So she can break the covenant with the Black Ring and be free to love her magister.

I have to say, all these fancy named magical weapons are going to get confusing. Anathema, Swornbreaker…I mean, I can handle two, but maybe don’t add too many more here, game.

I met that cow! And didn’t have a bucket to collect milk. And I met a sheep that would have let me have some wool, but I didn’t have any shears on me. Siiiigh.

Butch:

Oh right….escape….but she hasn’t yet, has she? I mean it’s like “Oh, hey, can I hang on your boat? Yeah, true, I do have this soul bond magical death promise to a God King to kill you, but I’m trying to get out of that. Yeah, no, I’m not ‘technically’ out of it, but I will be by, what, Tuesday. Wednesday at the latest. So we cool?”

Oh man I forgot about the Anathema! And don’t forget the thingy that they were digging up in the caves that I keep wanting to call the Albatross even though that’s not it, but it’s like it.

See, here we go again. Fantasy. Dudes growing up thinking that what makes a book good is needing a forklift to lift it, a five hundred page glossary and a companion book (which they will always call a “tome”) to translate the language they made up that comprises the bulk of chapters 35 through 97.

Sometimes less is more, fantasy writers.

Feminina:

No, she hasn’t. She’s definitely still sworn to the god-king right now! Just wandering around on our ship, bound to the covenant of a guy who wants to kill all godwoken…I’m sure it’s going to be fine.

Oh yeah, right, the thing Dallis wants to build. Siiiiiiigh…all right, game, that’s three super-powered magical weapons. You’re on notice.

Butch:

Somehow I figure we’re not finished with them yet, either. There’s the thingy that Justinia is building with the death fog, after all.

But hey, one thing I forgot to follow up on: that whole “Isn’t this my soul?” line from when Lohse was in the ritual. Did you get anything saying/implying/explaining where “there” was?

Feminina:

Oh man, Justinia! And the deathfog! You’re right, it’s nothing but Doomsday Devices all the way down, is it?

Well, like with you, it appears that place where I talked to my god was my soul. My god could communicate with me there, my soul was a safe harbor for my god, but now that voidwoken can invade even my soul, my god has to take refuge in my physical form as well. I think?

So now my god literally inhabits my brain/body. But as a general rule, doesn’t interfere much, which is generous of him.

Butch:

Huh. So that was your soul, too.

But wasn’t the first time we went to weird land the hall of echoes? Way back when with the statue and shit? And the hall of echoes is like, what, heaven or something, isn’t it?

I’m so confused.

This is probably why I didn’t figure out how to get to the island. I just assumed it would be complicated. Of course, this is the one time the game is all “What, why would we make something complicated?”

Fuck you, game.

Feminina:

Hm…you’re right. I think…I mean, when we got to that first statue, we did see a lot of corridors, and different figures in the distance, right? And then the one we could actually walk up to turned out to be our god (or you, in your case). And then later we saw a bunch of gods hanging on trees bleeding Source.

Maybe that was all the hall of echoes, but then after blessing the god there (or whatever you did to talk to your thing), it moved into our souls?

I feel like the hall of echoes has also been referenced by ghosts that we’ve occasionally managed to send on to peaceful resolution, which does imply that it’s the afterlife. Maybe there’s a part of the afterlife in our souls? Maybe in every soul?

I’m sure there’s a perfectly logical explanation.

Butch:

We cannot go down this road. This way madness lies.

And this isn’t even considering all that weird shit with the weaver and tapestries of reality and Zixzax and all that shit from the first game.

Sorry. That was another step down the road to madness.

Feminina:

Games are supposed to keep us from going insane! Not drive us further along the path!

Butch:

So true. So very true.

I’m trying other outlets! Actually took an actual walk for the purpose of FITNESS today. FITNESS kinda evaporated these last few months, what with the insanity of life.

But did my fitbit recognize this effort? No.

Gave me credit for wandering after the boys the other day. Today? Nothing.

Hmph.

I think it’s because my resting heart rate is so high now that I can’t convince it I’m actually RAISING my heart rate without exploding.

I’ve been rather stressed.

Feminina:

Come ON, Fitbit! What good are you if you can’t recognize and validate honest effort!

Don’t explode, though. It’s not worth it just to make a point with the Fitbit.

Butch:

Fitbit has been displaying some contradictory logic of late. For example, according to fitbit, my heart rate is pretty much constantly in the “fat burn zone,” a conclusion seriously disputed by both my scale and my pants.

Feminina:

Fitbit was not built to cope with this level of insanity. None of us were!

It’s above and beyond the call of fitness.

Butch:

It really should come with a sanity monitor and adjust accordingly. When levels of sanity get too low, it should, at the very least, recognize exercise easier, but should also help out by changing the “get moving” reminder to a “fuck it, why don’t you just go have a drink” reminder.

Feminina:

YES. That update needs to be implemented by the Fitbit people ASAP.

“Sanity levels low: you stood up, good for you! Exercise! Now get a little more exercise on your way to the booze closet.”

Butch:

It would outsell the hell out of the apple watch, that’s for sure.

Feminina:

Another brilliant item for our store! We’ll make our own sanity tracker and make millions!

Butch:

But how would we test it? We don’t know anyone with any sanity left. It would always just say “empty.”

Feminina:

We’ll have to find some sane product-testers…but where? How? Where do sane people even hang out?

Not on this blog, that’s for sure.

Butch:

Everyone we know is a gamer, a parent or both. So they’re out.

Children? Forget it.

I dunno, man. I got nothing.

But really, we could just cut out squares of cardboard, write “sanity level critical” on it, and they would be perfectly accurate for millions of millions of people.

Feminina:

Very true. And cheap, too! Let’s do that. Only let’s have it say “Sanity Level Critical: please add booze.”

Butch:

We gonna be rich. RICH!